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Post by twotimesone on Dec 25, 2019 22:43:41 GMT -5
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Post by Handy on Dec 25, 2019 23:45:38 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Dec 26, 2019 0:04:53 GMT -5
These four signs - criticisn, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling - are indeed interesting as key indicators that your marriage is in big - probably terminal - trouble.
And I reckon if you picked a random members story in here and read it through you'd find some of - if not all of - these 4 things present.
It's as well to note that it may well be *you* (the refused) exhibiting these things, just as much as it is the refuser spouse.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2020 5:31:59 GMT -5
Gottman says contempt predicts a couple will divorce within 5 years. When I first read that, I was in my sm and didn’t believe what Gottman said. I was the person showing contempt by eye rolling. Within 5 years, we had divorced. I was the one who asked for it.
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Post by h on Jan 21, 2020 9:52:03 GMT -5
Can't argue with this. We both criticize. We both express contempt. We both act defensively. We both stonewall. Just a matter of time at this point.
I have been working on myself in some of these areas but haven't seen a change in her (or at least a noticable change). I haven't criticized her to or in front of our friends or immediate family despite the fact that she has criticized me several times to her friends and family. I have seriously tried to be more aware of my tone of voice when talking to her, and pausing to think about my response rather than react defensively. To be honest though, I can't get past my stonewalling with her. It's so mentally exhausting doing the rest, that I don't have the energy to keep going if she escalates a disagreement to an argument. At that point, I shut down and quit trying. I've even told her directly that if no matter what I say, I'm wrong, then why bother saying anything at all.
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grower
Junior Member
Posts: 79 
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Post by grower on Jan 22, 2020 9:07:38 GMT -5
Hey, I'm familiar with all of that. Kinda sucks
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