Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2020 5:31:59 GMT -5
Gottman says contempt predicts a couple will divorce within 5 years. When I first read that, I was in my sm and didn’t believe what Gottman said. I was the person showing contempt by eye rolling. Within 5 years, we had divorced. I was the one who asked for it.
Can't argue with this. We both criticize. We both express contempt. We both act defensively. We both stonewall. Just a matter of time at this point.
I have been working on myself in some of these areas but haven't seen a change in her (or at least a noticable change). I haven't criticized her to or in front of our friends or immediate family despite the fact that she has criticized me several times to her friends and family. I have seriously tried to be more aware of my tone of voice when talking to her, and pausing to think about my response rather than react defensively. To be honest though, I can't get past my stonewalling with her. It's so mentally exhausting doing the rest, that I don't have the energy to keep going if she escalates a disagreement to an argument. At that point, I shut down and quit trying. I've even told her directly that if no matter what I say, I'm wrong, then why bother saying anything at all.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.
mirrororchid: Thanks, Isthisit. Celebrating the day we broke from the UK and chose to govern ourselves! Looking like a less good idea the last 50 years, but a little late. The Brits might say, "No backsies."
Jul 7, 2021 18:03:59 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, How is your knee replacement recovery going?
Jul 15, 2021 0:22:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hope you are OK Tamara 68.....
Jul 16, 2021 11:11:59 GMT -5
petrushka: Handy it is going. Still painful. First session with the physio yesterday and he was enthusiastic about my range of movement, and says many people never even get that far after the full 6 weeks physio. OK, I'll take it ;-) but it still hurts. A lot.
Jul 16, 2021 15:58:37 GMT -5
petrushka: I was concerned about some things, like how far I can [not] lift my leg, straightened, but he allayed my worries on that account. Seems I'm not at all behind the curve.
Jul 16, 2021 16:02:27 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, I am happy to hear your range of motion is still decent. My W had knee surgery so I was aware of at least most of her rehabilitation difficulties. Yes, it still hurts big time for you but seeing my W's recovery, it takes time and exercising.
Jul 16, 2021 17:05:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: I hope everyone is well! Thought I would share that I am still having a blast outsourcing. I now have a regular fuck buddy and she is great. Same situation as me but a few years younger. In fact, her sex drive is crazier than mine and stranger.
Jul 16, 2021 21:50:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: Hi all. I thought I’d just share I am still having a blast — I now have a regular fuck buddy. She is younger by 6 years and full of energy and into fetishes-she likes to “force” me to have sex in public places —I love it.
Jul 16, 2021 21:54:49 GMT -5
tamara68: worksforme2: I am ok, thank you. The floods in Belgium are about 50 or 60 miles from where I live. The worst floods in decades.
Jul 17, 2021 8:54:44 GMT -5
Handy: I looked up several pages about the European floods and I saw pictures of what were possibly small streams before the floods but with all of the rain, became fast moving rivers that overflow the river banks and took everything for a wild ride.
Jul 19, 2021 15:13:23 GMT -5
petrushka: Oh man, if a river excavates 20-30 feet DOWN you have a bit of a weather event on your hands all right!
Jul 19, 2021 21:39:01 GMT -5