Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 22, 2019 9:35:44 GMT -5
My post-SM update, I left the marriage a little over 4 years ago. The divorce was final in Feb 2016. I quit the job I was burnt out on and returned to school. I completed an Associates Degree 2.5 years ago and last weekend, walked in my Bachelor's Degree ceremony with the words Summa Cum Laude after my name. WOOHOO!
Granted: I am in a relationship with someone who does not, any longer, enjoy or have interest in physical intimacy. That's okay, for now, and I won't blow up this relationship based on that yet. At some point, this fella is obviously not my 'forever' person but he's a good best friend for now and I do get a lot of the little bonuses of a live-in boyfriend (just not the sex: this is due to his anti-depressants).
Now that school is over, I will change my part-time position to a full-time gig and take a break to figure if or what I will pursue as a Master's degree. When I left my marriage 4 years ago, I was 47. I had become accustomed to the idea that I would never pursue my dream of higher education - much of that was due to the bullshit feedback loop developed in the SM shithole. Do not listen to the fears that your shithole tries to get you to believe.
In my future, I know I will need to break up with the fella I am with now. It's okay for now. I had tolerated sexlessness in the marriage far longer than 3 years and, in that case, it was also piled on with contempt of me. In this relationship, "all is good bar the sex" so to speak. I will not be able to fix the sex. We've been together a little over a year and been friends around 3 years (there WAS sex at first). I know that there is a clock on how long I can live in a relationship with "all BUT the sex" but for now, I am in a place of acceptance - and GLEE over my personal endeavors and accomplishments.
I'll get back, sometime, to pursuing a truly healthy relationship which includes sex. For now, that has not been my priority. It will move back up on the priority list, I'm sure. Enjoying the lack of derision and sarcasm is pretty nice for now.
Anyway, my update is: Glad I left when I did. Could have left earlier and been even happier perhaps. Post-SM does not always include finding a sexually fulfilling relationship. For me, I know that my current scene is temporary, but I do somewhat laugh at myself that I have (in some ways) recreated a best-friend/good-buddy/no-sex relationship with someone SO quickly. Next time I'm single, I have much more work to do on me as to WHY this is (MY part). I know it's not just dumb luck. I thought I chose well this time, based on the first part of the relationship's sex life, but I could not prevent this sexlessness from creeping back in. Food for thought, I suppose, and for future growth.
Still - being able to reach my 4.0 GPA because of getting OUT of the shithole is freaking awesome, folks. Love to you all! I hope to be back on the forum more often since I'm homework-free at this point. Thank you, group, for all of your help and guidance these past 5 years or so!