Two years ago, the following were the first 10 members to join ILIASM and make at least one posting. This is the 16th example done, all compiled under the same criteria. Idea is to see 2 years down the track, where people are now in December 2019 (if known) Whether they have stayed, or left, and in particular, any examples of where a turnaround has happened.
Anyway, here's the results for this sample, the first 10 to join in December 2017.
idgaf96 - last post November 2019 - staying adeptlinguist - last post December 2017 - inactive ladytjb - last post December 2017 - inactive jag2020 - last post December 2017 - inactive rubyslippers - last post December 2017 - inactive @ancinitas - last post December 2017 - inactive jetcity - last post December 2017 - inactive jan70 - last post December 2017 - inactive hattie - last post December 2017 - inactive stilldepressed - last post December 2017 - inactive
9 dumped their story here then have not been heard from since. So we have no idea what's happened to them. 1 has stayed in their ILIASM deal 0 have left 0 claims to have had a turnaround.
There is something of interest in this sample. There are usually 5 or 6 out of 10 that dump their story and piss off never to be seen again. There's 9 in this lot. There are usually 2 or 3 out of 10 that are staying. There's only one in this sample. There are usually 2 or 3 out of 10 that have left. None in this sample There are usually 0 out of 10 claiming a turnaround. Same in this lot.
Not as simple as staying. Divorce was filed and it was so hard. I can not even really express how hard it was for my 12 year old daughter. So many fights and tears. We agreed to stay for the kids for now. We have a dont ask dont tell in place and there is no intimacy or sex. We are living separate lives together. He knows I have a boyfriend and that I see him regularly and never complains or harasses me anymore. We do parent things with the kids and show up at family functions other than that I try to be gone when he is home as long as it doesnt affect my kids time wise.
baza maybe we need to offer free toasters or other gifts to people who stick around and post continuously! We're losing the drop-ins. 😔
idgaf96 it sounds like you basically have an open marriage now. Kinda sorta. It's open so long as nobody says anything, I guess. Honestly, that doesn't sound entirely bad. If you can maintain this way till the kid gets older, maybe it will be easier to leave.
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
saarinista I actually started off doing these "Joined Two years ago" samples to try and get a handle on the level of ILIASM deals claimed to have "Turned-around". That, has proved to be problematic. They are very few and far between.
As ever saarinista, I have a theory about what you call "the drop ins".
We know that 2 out of 10 new members leave their ILIASM deals after about 2 years of joining this group. And we know that 2 out of 10 members are still in their ILIASM deals after 2 years of joining this group. So we know what tends to happen to 4 of them. What we don't know is what those other 6 people (the drop ins) who go radio silent after their first post) end up doing.
My theory is this .... That those six drop ins are very likely to have outcomes just like those four where we DO know what happened. On that basis, I speculate that of those 6 drop ins, 3 leave and 3 stay.
That extrapolates out over the full ten as - - about 5 out of ten people leave their ILIASM deals - and about 5 out of ten remain in their ILIASM deals
Love your idea about bribing the "drop-ins" with toasters to induce them to update what they ended up doing !!
baza, my opinion about the "drop-ins" is they hit a low spot, post and then things don't get better but the "drop-in's" emotional pain lessens and most continue to stay married but somewhat more detached.
I have noticed in myself, periods of feeling like marriage sucks and than after a week or so just detaching a little more and going on with life. After all, many things in life are a series of ups and downs. When life is in the "down phase" I think that is when people post the most.
My guess (based on no data whatsoever) is that the drop in and disappear posters created their post at a particularly emotional time and needed to vent. After reading replies to their posts, they either realize that maybe their deal isn't as bad as it seemed to them at first and decided to quit complaining, OR they realized their deal was as bad as everyone else's but weren't ready to dig into it yet, preferring to stick their heads in the sand and ignore the facts instead. My bet is that very few of the one time posters have left. Maybe I'm way off though.
Edit: As to the fluctuations throughout the year, I suspect that the holidays bring some of those emotions to the surface so that could cause an uptick in spontaneous new posts with no follow up. (Again, with no data whatsoever to support the claim.)
Post by ironhamster on Dec 7, 2019 17:29:47 GMT -5
In my first posts, I was still looking for solutions, but on my last leg of hope and knowing it was about to give out. I do not know what my response would have been immediately if I had started looking here at the beginning of my marriage, but, I believe that it would have given me perspective that eventually would have sunk in.
I suspect the one shot posters stay for a while but learn to leave faster than they would if we were not here.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5