Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2019 22:56:32 GMT -5
It's been a whirlwind of a year since my divorce was final. The kids adjusted very well and very quickly. My new career got off to a great start. I have loved and cherished life on my own this past year, without the albatross of my ex around my neck. When he moved out, joy and peace came back into my life. My home is a more positive place. My children are more relaxed. And, yes, I have even loved being alone - with the autonomy to make my own decisions, the freedom to not walk on eggshells, and the ability to take life as it comes without someone constantly sucking the joy out of everything (my ex was a very negative man). Don't let me sugarcoat it: I had my days where I was afraid and even wondered whether the loss of my family was worth it. But by and large, life over the last year has been amazing and exponentially better than life when I felt trapped in my SM. My ex and I are friendly. He lives within a mile of my home. He is nicer to me now than he ever was when we were married.
I tried my hand at online dating. I didn't find my match, until finally - I quit looking. A friend set me up with someone, and the rest is history. I am now officially in Opposite Land. I am in a committed relationship with a man who treats me like I am the center of his world. He tells me every day, several times a day, how much he values me. He is kind, thoughtful, and respectful. He is a man of his word. He doesn't drink (which is very important to me after 20 years with an alcoholic), and he doesn't have a temper. Let's just say that everything is the opposite of what I had with my ex. I am a very lucky woman. This relationship has a future, and I can't wait to see where it goes.
I'd say I wish I had left earlier, but I know I just wasn't ready. I didn't have the confidence, insight, or resources. It took me years to gain all of that. In retrospect, I suppose I left at exactly the right time. Because had I left earlier, I may not be where I am today. And today, I have so much peace in my life. After years of hurt, anxiety, and indecision, I am finally on the other side. And although life isn't perfect and never will be, I haven't been this balanced and stable in perhaps... forever.
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Post by baza on Nov 29, 2019 23:37:36 GMT -5
I think you left at the exact right time Sister @elle . I think "I" left at the exact right time too, and for that matter I reckon shamwow nyartgal elynne thebaffledking filtermachine and numerous others in this group also left at the exact right time. Sister @whynotm3 is currently going through her "right time". The "right time" is a very personal thing, what was right for enna30 or choosinghappy or maninfull or ironhamster is not necessarily the same for anyone else. Oftentimes I think that if you take that fearless inventory of your marriage, and if you get your legal advice, and if you develop your exit strategy then you are "prepared" (not necessarily "ready" but "prepared") And when preparation meets opportunity, big things can happen. Enjoy your "big things" Sister @elle . |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2019 8:33:49 GMT -5
It's been a whirlwind of a year since my divorce was final. The kids adjusted very well and very quickly. My new career got off to a great start. I have loved and cherished life on my own this past year, without the albatross of my ex around my neck. When he moved out, joy and peace came back into my life. My home is a more positive place. My children are more relaxed. And, yes, I have even loved being alone - with the autonomy to make my own decisions, the freedom to not walk on eggshells, and the ability to take life as it comes without someone constantly sucking the joy out of everything (my ex was a very negative man). Don't let me sugarcoat it: I had my days where I was afraid and even wondered whether the loss of my family was worth it. But by and large, life over the last year has been amazing and exponentially better than life when I felt trapped in my SM. My ex and I are friendly. He lives within a mile of my home. He is nicer to me now than he ever was when we were married. I tried my hand at online dating. I didn't find my match, until finally - I quit looking. A friend set me up with someone, and the rest is history. I am now officially in Opposite Land. I am in a committed relationship with a man who treats me like I am the center of his world. He tells me every day, several times a day, how much he values me. He is kind, thoughtful, and respectful. He is a man of his word. He doesn't drink (which is very important to me after 20 years with an alcoholic), and he doesn't have a temper. Let's just say that everything is the opposite of what I had with my ex. I am a very lucky woman. This relationship has a future, and I can't wait to see where it goes. I'd say I wish I had left earlier, but I know I just wasn't ready. I didn't have the confidence, insight, or resources. It took me years to gain all of that. In retrospect, I suppose I left at exactly the right time. Because had I left earlier, I may not be where I am today. And today, I have so much peace in my life. After years of hurt, anxiety, and indecision, I am finally on the other side. And although life isn't perfect and never will be, I haven't been this balanced and stable in perhaps... forever. Wishing you a lifetime of peace and happiness @elle! ~To thine own self be true ... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 1, 2019 9:37:41 GMT -5
It's been a whirlwind of a year since my divorce was final. The kids adjusted very well and very quickly. My new career got off to a great start. I have loved and cherished life on my own this past year, without the albatross of my ex around my neck. When he moved out, joy and peace came back into my life. My home is a more positive place. After years of hurt, anxiety, and indecision, I am finally on the other side. And although life isn't perfect and never will be, I haven't been this balanced and stable in perhaps... forever. As you wish! Have fun stormin' the castle! |
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 1, 2019 13:43:10 GMT -5
@elle I am SO very happy for you. You are such a wonderful person, you deserve all the happiness that has come into your life!! Yay!
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Post by shamwow on Dec 3, 2019 22:01:35 GMT -5
Hell yeah! I'm so proud of how far you've come!
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Post by caballotierra on Feb 9, 2020 21:22:52 GMT -5
@elle Super happy for you!!!! It's also nice being at the end of your story and being able to let go of the details in the messy middle. They happened, but all in all, here you are in a life that makes you happy. Well done, you.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2020 19:50:41 GMT -5
Going on half a year now? Sure would enjoy a good update? (The good, the bad, and the ugly).
For those of you who have not read @elle story, it may be just what you need to help you in your SM!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2020 19:34:58 GMT -5
Hi everyone! And greatcoastal , thank you for the writing prompt!
Life is good, dare I say GREAT!? My ex and I continue to be friendly post-divorce. We co-parent well and even chit-chat sometimes. Our kids have taken it in stride, and frankly, I think everyone is happier without all the tension the marriage brought to the table. The kids see their dad a few times weekly (while living primarily with me), and they enjoy their time with him. Even my ex seems happier. I truly believe that, at some point in a SM, no one is happy anymore. And once it's over, everyone is finally free to thrive again.
I have a great job which I have been able to maintain during quarantine and which will continue afterwards. And, now for the update everyone really wants... my boyfriend of 7 months! I'm in love with a truly amazing, gentle, and kind man. If my ex was a narcissist (which I have come to believe he definitely was), my boyfriend is the complete opposite. He always puts me, my feelings, and needs first - in every arena of our life, including the bedroom. He came from a sexless marriage too, so sex is important to both of us, and we don't neglect it. Then again, we also don't obsess over it - it just happens naturally as often as we can manage it. It's the best sex of my life and not because we're swinging from the chandeliers, but rather because we have the deep emotional connection that goes along with it. I swear the man literally reads my mind sometimes. It's such a powerful feeling that we both often cry at the depth of emotion between us. He's a man who knows how to be a best friend, how to treat a woman with respect and love, and how to be vulnerable and accountable in a relationship. We have literally never had an argument. We've had misunderstandings, but we simply talk them through calmly, honestly, without any drama. He truly feeds my soul, and when I am next to him, I feel grounded, calm, and completely understood.
Make no mistake, I had my ups and downs, particularly in the first year. There were times I wondered why I'd left and even a few moments (maybe 2 days total out of the entire first year) where I feared I'd made a terrible mistake. But, I had written down why I left, the things that I could not longer tolerate. I read that list on those gray days and made it through. And now, here I am 1.5+ years out and I have zero regrets. I am SOOOO glad I left. My life is exponentially better. And baza isn't paying me to say that. ;-)
Sending love and hope to all of you still stuck in a SM. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Make, and work, your exit plans. The road will eventually lead to freedom, one step at a time.
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Post by baza on May 23, 2020 20:33:57 GMT -5
I do love a success story Sister @elle . Whether it is the member making a fully informed choice to get out of their ILIASM deal, or the model like Brother jim44444 where a fully informed choice is made to stay in the ILIASM deal and accept it for what it is. The key element is the same. A fearless inventory of the ILIASM deal needs to be made, and all your options have to be considered. Then, you've got to choose, and you've got to own that choice, and live it. "What" you choose is of lesser importance .... if you make your choice based on your longer term best interests then you can't go too far wrong. The truth about your ILIASM deal will point the way, and you'll make the right choice, for you. The key element is making a FULLY INFORMED choice, owning it - and living it. Just like you've done Sister @elle . You're an inspiration. |
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fish
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Post by fish on Jun 14, 2020 2:27:14 GMT -5
@elle this is so good to read, and I am so happy for you.
For those of us with a foot in the door and getting closer to opening it and stepping out, with all the uncertainty that goes with that, it is wonderful to hear that there is hope.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2020 0:23:20 GMT -5
@elle this is so good to read, and I am so happy for you. For those of us with a foot in the door and getting closer to opening it and stepping out, with all the uncertainty that goes with that, it is wonderful to hear that there is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. Hope is the last thing that is lost. ;-) |
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