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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 31, 2019 20:44:53 GMT -5
Had no idea where to put this so it's here. Sorry, Mods, if it's misplaced. So, I'm in the grocery store yesterday, and had a mild epiphany. I suddenly realized I was lusting over just about every woman I saw, and that after a year of "notgettin'none" my standards of what I'd go for has plummeted. I found myself thinking "I'd hit that" about older, younger, bigger, and smaller than I'd ever have put in my "maybe" box pre-SM. I'm very monogamous by nature, and I was a little alarmed that I was even having those thoughts to start with. I guess going without really does bad things to your brain. Have any of the rest of you had a similar experience? All the time, but I see it as a very positive thing. Those high standards you seem so pleased with deprive deserving people of sex. The very complaint we have. What if we could share ourselves with multiple people who all felt lucky to be with us, rather than hunt down the very best we can get, proclaim our devotion, then get rejected after committing long term? That said, be aware that if you marry someone "out of your league" in the opposite direction ("beneathe" you), you can still end up sexless. Insecurity sometimes, health problems other times, or they misjudge themselves, believing you are on their level, superficially. (their ego inflates to explain their reality) Thus my suggestion of avoiding exclusivity (especially absent an escape clause) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 1, 2020 9:28:06 GMT -5
No, not really. Lusting after women remained 'controlled' due to the wedding ring on my hand. I was constantly around other women. Married women. Women with children my kids age and younger. Part of being Mr. stay at home dad/homeschooler/childcare volunteer for 20 yrs! But, the other part of this question,for me, was, had my standards plummeted for what I went after, after the divorce? I went through a period of needing affirmation that I actually was desirable? It wasn't too long with the help of this forum and a few dating experiences, that my long hidden belief was true. That my ex W is a bigger, not very attractive woman, physically and mentally ( her personality). I was always thin, physically fit and hardly showed my age. I also went through a transformation in the morals, standards, belief area, as to what I wanted and would accept. I made myself much more open minded. My close mindedness in the past got me 25 yrs of a SM! It took opposite land to open my eyes so I could have the confidence to feel worthy of women who also look like I do. And be told by many, that I am a sexy guy,and that many women that I like would be glad to be with me! I'm hoping for the same thing in my future. Thanks for sharing that it could happen. It could happen! You CAN take risks, be bold, try new things, different surroundings, ,and receive an entirely new and different perspective about how you perceive yourself! Inflate your ego, and find your self esteem again! For example: I now look back at several of the ladies I used to know, and how I treated them. Strictly business, on a distant surface friendship level. Meanwhile they were checking me out! And desiring me, far more than I ever thought possible! Especially the mothers who brought their kids over to play with mine, and the mothers I would speak with at all my kids sports and school activities. Then there where the ladies who are personal trainers at the gym! Have you ever known or seen a very attractive person, and thought they were out of your league? Have you been out in public and seen couples and asked yourself, " what is he doing with her, or what is she doing with him? " The more I see that, the more it changed my perspective of my own self worth. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 1, 2020 9:34:13 GMT -5
That said, be aware that if you marry someone "out of your league" in the opposite direction ("beneathe" you), you can still end up sexless. Insecurity sometimes, health problems other times, or they misjudge themselves, believing you are on their level, superficially. (their ego inflates to explain their reality) Thus my suggestion of avoiding exclusivity (especially absent an escape clause) Guilty as charged. Just to reiterate what has been stated here before, when answering the "why did I allow this to happen?" So much goes back to my upbringing. Being taught to give, and expect nothing in return. To be humble. To be a servant. That too much pride and power is dangerous. |
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