Post SM Dating...Why is the though unsatisfyng or dreaded?

Wikipedia says that dating is - "a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others".

By its' very nature, dating is a process of elimination.

It is highly unlikely that the first date you go on is going to be with "the one".
There will be way more people out there with whom you are not compatible than there are who you are compatible with.

Not everyone is up for this convoluted process.
There is usually very little in the way of instant gratification to be had in such a situation.
It's a long hard slog - usually - carrying no guarantee of success.

And I think, these days, people are looking for instant gratification in a whole lot of aspects of life, including dating.

So IMHO, it is not so much that dating is a problem, but rather the expectations of dating are the problem.

Just because you put a bit of effort into a date, tizzy yourself up, think up some witty conversation points to bring to the table and generally present yourself as a interesting person etc, you are guaranteed NOTHING.
And, for a lot of people, if 'this date' doesn't produce "the one" they find it pretty difficult to back up for another attempt with another contender. Particularly if in the previous date it was you who got dumped.

Personally, I find that attitude quite understandable.
I couldn't be arsed taking "dating", particularly internet dating, on as a strategy.

worksforme2 , I looked at some dating sites 10 years ago and about 5 years ago for a non-computer friend. That is where i found the profile of a woman I knew that said she quit the website 3 or so years prior, but the dating site still her as an active member.

I think several people want and expect potential dates to be more like them-self and this is where things go off track or maybe the disconnect begins. I will use the examples I know about, women that are single but were married or are still married.

Woman 1 (W1): Pluses, W1 is easy to be around. doesn't dominate any conversations and can go with the flow.
W2 Not so good, has limited money sense,if she has some money in her purse she is thinking about spending it on nick-nacks, hair appointments and new clothes. I think she could be talked into doing just about anything legal if the right/wrong person tried.
W1 was in the medical profession but seems to not be up on things or current events and talks about things based on her feelings rather than investigating some facts. I suspect some mental limitations due to age and some of the medications she takes.
My take=good friend to do things with but could we live together and both be happy, so I do some things for her. In a way I am her big brother that watches out for her in little ways without intruding.

W2: Super smart, has so many good stories to tell and things to talk about I feel like I haven't lived much of a life. She is outgoing and does lots of things for people, organizations, and has good answers for people with questions.
W2, talks so much it is difficult for others to get a word into the conversation edge-wise.
W2 is a good go-to person if you need information or help. I am quiet at home so how would a reader-thinker like myself fare in relationship with someone that seems to want to talk so much? My mother didn't know much or get out of the house much but she talked about things so much I just wanted to be alone sometimes.

W3 would figuratively give her last dollar if you really needed it. She likes people and needs to get out of her house and do things everyday. She is interested in helping people and one of those people that likes to hug almost everyone.
W3 talks a little too much for my comfort but if she was really into me as a lover it might work BUT she is one of those women that wants to be alone but have lOTS of friends. She has outside activities going on 3 or 4 times a week and some weeks even more.

W4, super in shape physically. Very up on events and walks and hikes long distances. If i am a 6 she is a 9 activity wise. She divorced her H and wants to live her own life without considering what a H wants is my take.
W4 and i can talk about investing in the stock market, bike rides, and local places to walk dogs. I occasionally do the dog walks but she might do some of the dog walks 2X a day.
W4 would get bored with me really fast.

W5, is several years older but I will include her because i have talked with her and her late H for 5 years. W5 likes to talk with me and ager her H died her interest in me increased. W5 is super friendly with lots of semi-strangers and other women I know really like W5.
W5 is a history buff so has read about 1,500 books on various things. She was minimally involved in some local events prior to WWII and I found and read and made copies of the articles.
W5 is active and gets around a lot. I see her in the community about 2X a month and usually wind uo spending at least 30 minuets talking with her. If she was 10 to 15 years younger I might want to spend a lot more time with her.

worksforme2 this is a good question that will become a future worry for me, hopefully soon. Every relationship or hook up I have had has been from sharing a mutual experience. School, events, camping trips, various overseas experiences/programs, sports teams, etc. I never dated per se as I would get into a relationship after just meeting people in these ways.

It seems that this method is severely limiting given my stage of life. Also so much of human time and interaction have moved online. As a result it does not seem I will be able to avoid online dating. BUT I am derermined to try!!

Worksforme2

Do you get where I am going here?

Yes, I do. Maybe I have a concern of disappointing women in general and think that I have to be smarter, in better shape, and in a few other areas more skilled. That is why I seem to think that someone with a general higher score than I think I have, seems off limits for a total commitment relationship. I am not into using people for mostly my benefit.

I try to subscribe to the idea an imaginary woman A would be a good pizza date, woman B would be a good bike ride date, woman C would be a good museum date AND that is all each one would be compatible with very little over lap in other areas and I just need to accept it.

Saarinista
Just be open to anyone who appeals to you who is mutually interested.

Due to this recent hospital stay I am finding out that people think more of me than I realized. I thanked one doctor several times and his answer was that I was worth all of the extra (to me) care I received.