The talk. Jul 31, 2019 15:52:55 GMT -5
Post by apocrypha on Jul 31, 2019 15:52:55 GMT -5
When trying to talk about it, he usually goes into defence mode. He tells me he doesn't want to talk about it. That it's private and personal. That I need to trust him and that he's working on it. He explained to me that its the stress. I can understand if there's a tough time at work period, but it's been stress for 4 years. And looks like it's not going to change
And it's not that there is too much to stress over, we're doing well, good jobs, no depts, enjoying life. All is fine.
I don't even miss the sex as much as I miss the affection.
I don't even know what to say to him. Is this an ultimatum? Do I give him a time limit with the therapy (as in- 'let's give it a year and if it works')? I mean I can't wait forever. Do I let him know divorce is on the line?
I've had so many talks with him on this, I need this issue be taken seriously. As much as he doesn't like taking about it. I want to believe there is still hope. And I feel like it's practically up to him
I have popped out the lines that seemed most telling.
My observations, based on these:
1. you have tried to talk to him, and have demonstrated compelling evidence that it's serious and important to you, and he has flat out refused to discuss, for a reason that seems important to him. Regardless of the reason and without characterizing it as fair or not, that says this is no longer a conversation or a negotiation.
2. It sounds like this has always been the case - 4 years -including your pre-married relationship. So this isn't necessarily an aberration or error in expressing how he feels about you. It's the norm.
3. I see you struggling about the "missing the affection more than the sex" thing - consider that he's overriding his natural sex drive to avoid having it with you, and doing so at considerable risk to his lifestyle. It took me a while to arrive at the idea in my own marriage that it was about what the loss of that aspect of my relationship MEANT - as to the significance of the disconnection with me.[/quote]