There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much. We met for brunch and then he invited me over that night for dinner to his apt by a lake where he grills outside and he texted last night, this morning and today and invited me tonight for dinner. I texted I had stuff to attend to tonight. I did have a lot to do and bills but if I’d really liked him I’d have put all that on hold.
I really would like to be his friend. I think we have a lot of fun laughing and just get along but I’m just not that into him in a romantic way.
So now I have to tell him that I’m not interested. I had to really think about it because there’s so much I like about him and it’s awkward but I’ll tell him in person this week.. This was my first date in eighteen years.…
Post by northstarmom on Jun 10, 2019 18:01:35 GMT -5
Warmways:”There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much.”
He seems overly pushy and, frankly, has seemed that way from the first. I think it’s a mistake to tell him in person you don’t want to see him any more. It’s not like you are ending a long term relationship. You also don’t know if he’s the type to get nasty when someone turns him down. Just text him or email him. Then block him so you aren’t tempted to get into a discussion about it.
What if touchy feely is perfectly normal for him? and he wasn't being pushy or excessive?
I had to think about that with my now existing girlfriend. She is from Italy and tells me " that's the way we are. My whole family, that's the way I was raised".
The first time I was introduced to her, we sat together in this little guard building at the gates in front of my old neighborhood. I lost count ( over 2 dozen) over how many times she put her hands on my arms, shoulder, legs, and laughed and spoke loudly. I am sure she called me " honey" like she does everyone.
It was a bit difficult for me at first! Not what I was used too, at all! I tried to be more, open minded and accepting of risks, new adventures and people who would be 'different' from me.
None of what I said makes your decision right or wrong. I am glad to read about your new discoveries, and that you are putting yourself first!
Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 19:46:27 GMT -5
Did you ever text him, “Thanks, but no thanks,” as I suggested? I’m seeing lots of red flags starting with his instant infatuation and being so handsy from the first. My suggestion is block him and move on. Read, “The Gift of Fear.”
The latest I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.
Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 17:40:16 GMT -5
“The latest I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.”
So glad you didn’t tell him in person! This is why I suggested just texting you didn’t want to proceed with a relationship and then blocking him. No need to provide a reason because that can lead to the kind of nasty response you got.
Obviously, he is lying about having had no romantic interest in you.
What happened is proof to believe your gut, something that unfortunately most women don’t do enough because they value being considered nice over protecting their safety. The Gift of Fear should be required reading for all women.
I see the words of a confused man who clearly doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he's being deceptive, I don't know. Maybe he's very out of touch with his own feelings. But his response is one of rejection and although I don't condone his failure to respect your physical boundaries, I can understand him in away. Yes, trust your instincts. Protect yourself. I agree with all of this. I just lament the complicated and unnecessary games men and women play with one another. So many wounded souls out there....
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: Thank you! Had a great party with the boardgamers group (and BBQ, cakes and cards!)
Jan 18, 2020 20:14:00 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate
Jan 18, 2020 22:10:28 GMT -5
frednsa: yaaaaiiiiiieeeeoooooouuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk ! OK, if feel better now.....
Feb 29, 2020 18:14:01 GMT -5
petrushka: Glad you got that off your chest ;-)
Mar 6, 2020 23:35:38 GMT -5
worksforme2: It is a sad day here in my small town, the only cinema has closed...it's probably close to 30 miles to get to one now...
Mar 7, 2020 19:48:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5