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Post by warmways on Jun 10, 2019 17:06:49 GMT -5
There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much. We met for brunch and then he invited me over that night for dinner to his apt by a lake where he grills outside and he texted last night, this morning and today and invited me tonight for dinner. I texted I had stuff to attend to tonight. I did have a lot to do and bills but if I’d really liked him I’d have put all that on hold.
I really would like to be his friend. I think we have a lot of fun laughing and just get along but I’m just not that into him in a romantic way.
So now I have to tell him that I’m not interested. I had to really think about it because there’s so much I like about him and it’s awkward but I’ll tell him in person this week.. This was my first date in eighteen years.…
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 10, 2019 18:01:35 GMT -5
Warmways:”There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much.”
He seems overly pushy and, frankly, has seemed that way from the first. I think it’s a mistake to tell him in person you don’t want to see him any more. It’s not like you are ending a long term relationship. You also don’t know if he’s the type to get nasty when someone turns him down. Just text him or email him. Then block him so you aren’t tempted to get into a discussion about it.
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Post by warmways on Jun 10, 2019 18:34:01 GMT -5
Good insight and advice, northstarmom. When I left the cafe he hugged me and didn’t want to let go or say goodbye. He’s just a little too desperate but it was nice to be asked out. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 11, 2019 17:26:48 GMT -5
Good insight and advice, northstarmom . When I left the cafe he hugged me and didn’t want to let go or say goodbye. He’s just a little too desperate but it was nice to be asked out. I'll take a different "stab" at this for you warmways@. What if touchy feely is perfectly normal for him? and he wasn't being pushy or excessive? I had to think about that with my now existing girlfriend. She is from Italy and tells me " that's the way we are. My whole family, that's the way I was raised". The first time I was introduced to her, we sat together in this little guard building at the gates in front of my old neighborhood. I lost count ( over 2 dozen) over how many times she put her hands on my arms, shoulder, legs, and laughed and spoke loudly. I am sure she called me " honey" like she does everyone. It was a bit difficult for me at first! Not what I was used too, at all! I tried to be more, open minded and accepting of risks, new adventures and people who would be 'different' from me. None of what I said makes your decision right or wrong. I am glad to read about your new discoveries, and that you are putting yourself first! |
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Post by warmways on Jun 11, 2019 19:28:20 GMT -5
I know, it’s a situation that can be looked at in many ways.
He is nice. He’s almost too attentive. Maybe I got so used to being ignored, avoided and refused that it became my new normal. He just texted me again.
Lol
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 19:46:27 GMT -5
Did you ever text him, “Thanks, but no thanks,” as I suggested? I’m seeing lots of red flags starting with his instant infatuation and being so handsy from the first. My suggestion is block him and move on. Read, “The Gift of Fear.”
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Post by warmways on Jun 13, 2019 17:14:22 GMT -5
The latest
I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 17:40:16 GMT -5
“The latest
I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.”
So glad you didn’t tell him in person! This is why I suggested just texting you didn’t want to proceed with a relationship and then blocking him. No need to provide a reason because that can lead to the kind of nasty response you got.
Obviously, he is lying about having had no romantic interest in you.
What happened is proof to believe your gut, something that unfortunately most women don’t do enough because they value being considered nice over protecting their safety. The Gift of Fear should be required reading for all women.
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Post by noregretz on Jun 22, 2019 6:51:56 GMT -5
An alternative opinion...
I see the words of a confused man who clearly doesn't know what he wants.
Maybe he's being deceptive, I don't know. Maybe he's very out of touch with his own feelings.
But his response is one of rejection and although I don't condone his failure to respect your physical boundaries, I can understand him in away.
Yes, trust your instincts. Protect yourself. I agree with all of this.
I just lament the complicated and unnecessary games men and women play with one another. So many wounded souls out there....
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