If you take turns in being the refuser then it sounds like you both use sex as tool to get/manipulate/control/punish the other. 50/50 responsibility. If one of you would step up and be the bigger person and say I will no longer be a refuser then the other is the one taking on 100% of the responsibility. I am sure many times when you fight about it the other will use "You do it too" as an argument. You gotta start by cleaning up your side of the street.
Glad to have found this forum. Hubby and I take turns being the refuser. I don't know what to do to change things.
You may not be a " refuser", instead you may be an " avoider". Several of us 'swept it under the rug, pretended it would get better with time, blamed ourselves,-our attractiveness,- caved, gave in, and convinced ourselves that we could do without it, and questioned the importance of it". Later realizing that things will not get better and that you can not take a band aid approach to a gunshot wound.
Please feel free to share an example or two and receive more feedback and helpful thoughts and advice.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Happy Vernal Equinox....Be fruitful and multiply...
Mar 21, 2021 5:18:36 GMT -5
petrushka: Just attended a lecture on local history. Apparently the Presbyterian Scottish refugees who settled here called a 'frolic', what the Amish would call a 'barn raising'. First a working bee, then dancing and feasting.
Mar 25, 2021 22:43:53 GMT -5
jerri: Pressing the like sign for all those comments.
Mar 26, 2021 15:04:52 GMT -5
worksforme2: Lucked onto a great new source for breaking news----The Babylon Bee
Mar 28, 2021 12:47:45 GMT -5
catlover: The resentment is running high today
Mar 28, 2021 18:39:08 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Sorry, dude. I think resentment has been the fuel for action in some SMs. It can be part of a process, eventually helpful.
Mar 30, 2021 4:43:40 GMT -5
Handy: I just read "The Babylon Bee" article "Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal." Good humor.
Mar 30, 2021 16:49:51 GMT -5
worksforme2: Freezing temps in the morning for the next 3 days= no peaches in the fall for me unless I buy them,... 2 yrs in a row...growing my own fruit has proven to be a losing proposition
Apr 1, 2021 16:32:30 GMT -5
Handy: Meet the Feebles=weird!
Apr 1, 2021 18:22:06 GMT -5
jerri: Lots of interesting comments. I am way behind. Sending hugs and a kiss on the cheek💋
Apr 8, 2021 0:11:19 GMT -5
roy: Hi All, I just joined, at 77. I've been in a sexless marriage for too many years ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:26:32 GMT -5
petrushka: G'day Roy, welcome to the place most of us don't want to be. I am sure you will find lots of interesting personal stories and comments and reactions on the forum. Don't be shy about jumping in to talks ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:47:25 GMT -5