Post by JMX on May 26, 2016 8:40:47 GMT -5
I was to meet with a tax attorney/divorce lawyer on Monday. He missed the appointment and didn't call or text me to reschedule, so I figured I could probably do a better job with my taxes myself. I am all for second chances, but I have an immediacy to get out and the tax issue, as well as the divorce, is too important to put in the hands of someone that couldn't even give me the heads-up that he couldn't make it. I called another attorney (divorce) who is handling a friend's divorce and his assistant was able to squeeze me in yesterday.
He is the third consultation I have had and boy! was he amazing. We went through everything. The girls, the tax debt, the house, etc. My dad went with me as a backup and, well he was paying for the consult, so I figured he had the right to be there too. He stayed mostly quiet as the lawyer talked a lot and I asked all of the questions. The lawyer at times would stop me from getting ahead of myself - I am pretty on top of the issues and like cutting to the chase. But, he discussed everything with me thoroughly and our appointment ran over by about 30 minutes as well, so I feel like I know everything I need to know! Worth every penny of dad's money (and a loan I will pay off eventually).
I told him a lot of the background, almost everything, really, only shortened for time. He questioned why I would want my husband to have 50/50 custody as it sounded like he could not handle it. He gently corrected me when I was sympathetic to my husband, his emotional fragility, etc. "This is not your fault." He told me that my nurturing and positive nature was bringing me down in this situation and that I was taking care of everything already, why not continue in the girls' interest? He convinced me I need the lion share of custody as well as child support and sent me home with the calculations. He didn't think it would be a problem to get any of that, nor would it be a problem to keep the house with him on the mortgage (me paying) until the IRS debt is cleared - about 24 months. When he was going over child support and his portion of the debt with me, I started adding the figures in my head and wondered aloud how he would pay on that and live? "That is not your problem, that is his." I made a couple of excuses for him (in my mind, I was just being kind and seeing from his perspective) and he cut me off and called me out on it every. single. time. "Stop making excuses for him". A debt of ours that is making him uncomfortable, I was going to pay in full next week. "Why?" I explained that it was my debt as well and I wanted to be fair. "Stop trying to be fair". He finally agreed that I could do what I wanted in this respect.
He went on to say that he suspects that my husband will either a.) find a new mommy or b.) move a couple of states away where his mother is. My dad kind of perked up at that - as that has been his line as well (he was always alone in this thinking and I have always dismissed it as overly cynical). "Typically, men like this cannot last on their own. Be prepared to have to come in and do an out-of-state child custody arrangement when this doesn't work out."
My dad would have paid the retainer right there. Dad has always said he has vast experience with people and different personalities and he knows that it is going to happen this way. I hope he is not right for the girls' sake, but maybe.
I have learned so much from this board and EP. I know to listen to my lawyer (especially when you find a good one). The plan is to wait until he gets home from a vacation to his home with the girls this weekend, use the weekend to get my terms all in place, give him 10 days to compromise with me on the points and if not, I have the lawyer draw it up. It will not cost that much to get it done this way - but I know that can go either way. He will either bury his head in the sand, or, he will fight me like hell. Bring it. I am prepared.
I thought of a brilliant strategy to get him to come to an agreement with me - I will hold over that debt he wants gone and off our books so that his mom doesn't find out. I will pay half of it now, half when he has signed off on the paperwork and we have filed. I need to run that by the lawyer first, but I smiled so big last night coming up with that one that I giggled to myself and was pretty impressed with my own smarts! The lawyer seemed confident that if I can get this agreed and signed off on - that it would take 30 days tops to get him out of my life and start over. I know he was meeting with me to get my business, but he was so complimentary of me while I was there, that I got a boost of self-confidence. I am pretty amazing.
Now, to get to work! I have a lot to do this weekend and for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to work my ass off to provide for my children and for myself. I cannot wait to be caring and considerate and positive to a partner that deserves it, if it ever happens again. If not, I will try and be a good example for my girls.
Seriously, yesterday was the best day in a series of dark days as I now have a plan and a path to get out.
I slay.
He is the third consultation I have had and boy! was he amazing. We went through everything. The girls, the tax debt, the house, etc. My dad went with me as a backup and, well he was paying for the consult, so I figured he had the right to be there too. He stayed mostly quiet as the lawyer talked a lot and I asked all of the questions. The lawyer at times would stop me from getting ahead of myself - I am pretty on top of the issues and like cutting to the chase. But, he discussed everything with me thoroughly and our appointment ran over by about 30 minutes as well, so I feel like I know everything I need to know! Worth every penny of dad's money (and a loan I will pay off eventually).
I told him a lot of the background, almost everything, really, only shortened for time. He questioned why I would want my husband to have 50/50 custody as it sounded like he could not handle it. He gently corrected me when I was sympathetic to my husband, his emotional fragility, etc. "This is not your fault." He told me that my nurturing and positive nature was bringing me down in this situation and that I was taking care of everything already, why not continue in the girls' interest? He convinced me I need the lion share of custody as well as child support and sent me home with the calculations. He didn't think it would be a problem to get any of that, nor would it be a problem to keep the house with him on the mortgage (me paying) until the IRS debt is cleared - about 24 months. When he was going over child support and his portion of the debt with me, I started adding the figures in my head and wondered aloud how he would pay on that and live? "That is not your problem, that is his." I made a couple of excuses for him (in my mind, I was just being kind and seeing from his perspective) and he cut me off and called me out on it every. single. time. "Stop making excuses for him". A debt of ours that is making him uncomfortable, I was going to pay in full next week. "Why?" I explained that it was my debt as well and I wanted to be fair. "Stop trying to be fair". He finally agreed that I could do what I wanted in this respect.
He went on to say that he suspects that my husband will either a.) find a new mommy or b.) move a couple of states away where his mother is. My dad kind of perked up at that - as that has been his line as well (he was always alone in this thinking and I have always dismissed it as overly cynical). "Typically, men like this cannot last on their own. Be prepared to have to come in and do an out-of-state child custody arrangement when this doesn't work out."
My dad would have paid the retainer right there. Dad has always said he has vast experience with people and different personalities and he knows that it is going to happen this way. I hope he is not right for the girls' sake, but maybe.
I have learned so much from this board and EP. I know to listen to my lawyer (especially when you find a good one). The plan is to wait until he gets home from a vacation to his home with the girls this weekend, use the weekend to get my terms all in place, give him 10 days to compromise with me on the points and if not, I have the lawyer draw it up. It will not cost that much to get it done this way - but I know that can go either way. He will either bury his head in the sand, or, he will fight me like hell. Bring it. I am prepared.
I thought of a brilliant strategy to get him to come to an agreement with me - I will hold over that debt he wants gone and off our books so that his mom doesn't find out. I will pay half of it now, half when he has signed off on the paperwork and we have filed. I need to run that by the lawyer first, but I smiled so big last night coming up with that one that I giggled to myself and was pretty impressed with my own smarts! The lawyer seemed confident that if I can get this agreed and signed off on - that it would take 30 days tops to get him out of my life and start over. I know he was meeting with me to get my business, but he was so complimentary of me while I was there, that I got a boost of self-confidence. I am pretty amazing.
Now, to get to work! I have a lot to do this weekend and for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to work my ass off to provide for my children and for myself. I cannot wait to be caring and considerate and positive to a partner that deserves it, if it ever happens again. If not, I will try and be a good example for my girls.
Seriously, yesterday was the best day in a series of dark days as I now have a plan and a path to get out.
I slay.
