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Post by isthisit on Apr 26, 2019 14:30:53 GMT -5
Hey now, please don't lump us all in together! Actually, I agree with you in the main, far too many women seem crazy about the dress and the attention rather than the groom. But, there are just a few of us who hate fuss and think the sums of money involved are ridiculous. If I could be persuaded to marry again I would insist on no-one but the groom and I at the ceremony (preferably without telling anyone about the event), somewhere pretty for the service and an astonishing honeymoon where I could bask in simply being alone with him . Sharing your life with someone you adore is the prize, right? "If I could be persuaded to marry again" is just an afterthought. I'm sure that most women whom are married the first time would want that 'once in a lifetime' experience. Sorry to disappoint, but the wedding I described was my wish first time around too. Unhappily my parents had a different view and I was coerced onto meeting the needs of others. I am less interested in other people’s agendas these days and would stand my ground much better.
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Post by saarinista on Apr 26, 2019 15:57:55 GMT -5
Well, I will go to a wedding if it is a close friend or relative, but I think an expensive wedding is a big waste of money. Kimmie & I went to the courthouse & were married by a Justice of the Peace. No fuss, just she and I. My ExRefuser planned every single detail of the wedding, but never gave a thought to the marriage. Of course, she also wouldn't fuck on the honeymoon. I should have packed up and left the morning after and had the joke of a marriage annulled. I think a lot of women-especially younger women -DO get too wrapped up in the whole princess/fairytale/huge wedding mindset without thinking about making the marriage itself work. Big weddings like big houses, are all the rage on reality television, and we girls-yes, even practical ones who check their own oil and mow the lawn-can get caught up in it. I think it's tough to draw hard-and-fast rules. If you can afford it and you have a lot of dear friends and family you want to invite to a wedding, I don't think there's anything wrong with having one. By the same token I definitely think there are women who get married just to fulfill their princess fantasies during the wedding. That's bad. There are also people who get married primarily to have children. That's okay if that's all you want out of marriage... I think the BIG thing is, you have to talk these things out before you get married and if your potential spouse doesn't agree with your concept of what a marriage should be then don't get married. Of course, sometimes people say one thing and they do another after the marriage. 🙄 that's where misery and/or divorce come into play.
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firefollower
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Post by firefollower on Apr 26, 2019 20:56:04 GMT -5
Well, I will go to a wedding if it is a close friend or relative, but I think an expensive wedding is a big waste of money. Kimmie & I went to the courthouse & were married by a Justice of the Peace. No fuss, just she and I. My ExRefuser planned every single detail of the wedding, but never gave a thought to the marriage. Of course, she also wouldn't fuck on the honeymoon. I should have packed up and left the morning after and had the joke of a marriage annulled. I think a lot of women-especially younger women -DO get too wrapped up in the whole princess/fairytale/huge wedding mindset without thinking about making the marriage itself work. Big weddings like big houses, are all the rage on reality television, and we girls-yes, even practical ones who check their own oil and mow the lawn-can get caught up in it. I think it's tough to draw hard-and-fast rules. If you can afford it and you have a lot of dear friends and family you want to invite to a wedding, I don't think there's anything wrong with having one. By the same token I definitely think there are women who get married just to fulfill their princess fantasies during the wedding. That's bad. There are also people who get married primarily to have children. That's okay if that's all you want out of marriage... I think the BIG thing is, you have to talk these things out before you get married and if your potential spouse doesn't agree with your concept of what a marriage should be then don't get married. Of course, sometimes people say one thing and they do another after the marriage. 🙄 that's where misery and/or divorce come into play. Yes, you are right about the people saying one thing and doing another. I waited until I was 36 before I married...I was very clear on what I was looking for...dated a lot but there was always some reason I could not see spending the rest of my life with them. I was very picky...I had to have the complete package...when I met my current refuser...she had everything...I honestly could not keep up. She was wonderful in every way...the girl I had been looking for. Like I stated before...literally right after we signed the marriage certificate I could see an immediate change in how she looked at me. She got what she wanted...I have been miserable since...should not have had kids....complicates everything.
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Post by Handy on Apr 26, 2019 21:09:22 GMT -5
Twotimesone I'm sure that most women whom are married the first time would want that 'once in a lifetime' experience.
My son married a woman that had a courthouse wedding on her first marriage. This time she did it up big. She is a hard worker so I chipped in $$ what I could. They each had a house partially paid for and all of the items to run a household so it wasn't like they should have bought a washer and dryer before going on an expensive honeymoon like some younger, broke couples do.
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Post by deadzone75 on May 8, 2019 14:58:29 GMT -5
I haven't been to a wedding since my own. It was great; all my family was together for the last time, happiness everywhere. Then that night we had possibly the worst sex of our marriage. That was when I knew I was in trouble.
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firefollower
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Post by firefollower on May 8, 2019 15:40:08 GMT -5
I haven't been to a wedding since my own. It was great; all my family was together for the last time, happiness everywhere. Then that night we had possibly the worst sex of our marriage. That was when I knew I was in trouble. My situation is very similar...wedding night, W not in the mood...first time ever. You almost feel that you were tricked.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2019 15:53:28 GMT -5
I haven't been to a wedding since my own. It was great; all my family was together for the last time, happiness everywhere. Then that night we had possibly the worst sex of our marriage. That was when I knew I was in trouble. My situation is very similar...wedding night, W not in the mood...first time ever. You almost feel that you were tricked. Because you were. Ditto here.
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Post by h on May 8, 2019 16:01:40 GMT -5
I haven't been to a wedding since my own. It was great; all my family was together for the last time, happiness everywhere. Then that night we had possibly the worst sex of our marriage. That was when I knew I was in trouble. My situation is very similar...wedding night, W not in the mood...first time ever. You almost feel that you were tricked. Yup, mine wasn't in the mood on our wedding night either. Difference is, we waited for marriage, so I was really excited... and then really disappointed. At least deadzone75 got to have sex on his wedding night.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2019 17:32:42 GMT -5
It has helped me over the years to not think that she did a bait/switch deliberately. I don't think she understood her own sexuality at all.
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Post by deadzone75 on May 8, 2019 18:38:50 GMT -5
My situation is very similar...wedding night, W not in the mood...first time ever. You almost feel that you were tricked. Yup, mine wasn't in the mood on our wedding night either. Difference is, we waited for marriage, so I was really excited... and then really disappointed. At least deadzone75 got to have sex on his wedding night. I wish I hadn't, believe me. It would have been one time where I could have believed her if she said she was too tired. Instead she allowed it, and it was so void of enthusiasm that it was literally shocking. I remember after we didn't say a word the rest of the night. There haven't been many instances since where I have felt so overwhelmingly emotionally offended. It only took a few hours from reciting life vows to the dawning of a horrific realization.
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Post by isthisit on May 8, 2019 18:52:25 GMT -5
Wow, I am pretty shocked to read the three experiences above. I am sorry you guys experienced such neglect and deceit, it sounds pretty traumatising. It is hard to get your head around why someone would do this. For what it is worth I had a great wedding night once I had escaped the wedding of my parents dreams. All I could have hoped for..... which counted for exactly nothing in the long run as I ended up right here with you guys anyway.
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Post by ironhamster on May 8, 2019 20:04:11 GMT -5
My wedding night, we were both exhausted. Nothing happened on our honeymoon. It took a year before we finally consummated the marriage. Excuses from her, and loving patience from me, paved my path here.
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Post by Handy on May 9, 2019 1:07:39 GMT -5
After my wedding we drove 70 miles to the motel, took a quich shower, she slipped on her teddy thing, I took it off in a flash and we got to town. Next day morning sex and a drive to Jackson Hole WY,where we got another motel room, had sex and then dinner. After dinner back to the motel for more sex. Next day, morning sex, drive around the the mountain roads north of Jackson Hole. (click on the R-L arrows to see more pictures) www.jacksonholenet.com/mountains/then something to eat and sex again before bed time. My W said she was getting a little chafed so we just had sex once a day for a couple of days. We sort of waited but played around before marriage so I can't imagine no sex on the first chance possible and then none on the honeymoon, atrocious and un-real. Sorry guys, the no sex when just married isn't fair. And Irommaster, waiting almost a year dos not compute in a fair and just world.
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Post by isthisit on May 9, 2019 2:56:05 GMT -5
My wedding night, we were both exhausted. Nothing happened on our honeymoon. It took a year before we finally consummated the marriage. Excuses from her, and loving patience from me, paved my path here. I have said it before, but am not afraid to say it again, wow. It says a lot that is wonderful about you ironhamster that you remained faithful to your wife in such arduous circumstances. We are pretty nice people here 😃.
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Post by northstarmom on May 9, 2019 12:36:28 GMT -5
I don’t see it as reflecting something wonderful about iron hampster that he stayed faithful to his wife who didn’t consummate their marriage for a year. I believe that if he had had divorced her or annulled the marriage that would have reflected self preservation, assertiveness, and good sense. It’s not niceness to wait patiently while you are not getting what your spouse committed to. This is a lesson I had to learn for myself as my marriage was completely sexless for 8 years til I divorced.
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