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Post by twotimesone on Apr 2, 2019 22:52:52 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Apr 2, 2019 23:28:46 GMT -5
As I understand it, "sexual addiction" is a real thing. Obviously highly unlikey to be in play with your refuser spouse though .... who are more likely to have "sexual anorexia" which is said to be a real thing too. Thing is, these "whys" don't actually help a real lot. Fact is for most of us, we are in an ILIASM shithole, and knowing "why" doesn't alter that fact. Nor does it create any new options for us. Whatever behaviours our spouse has engaged in to drive the marriage into the ditch aren't particularly relevant. It's still in the ditch, and that's what we have to deal with. Like you Brother twotimesone ,I'm a bit wary of tagging things with names too. See, I reckon a helluva lot of refuser spouses would claim that the refused spouse is a "sex addict" And a helluva lot of refused spouses would claim that the refuser spouse is a "sexual anorexic" But either way, an ILIASM shithole is the outcome. |
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 3, 2019 0:07:08 GMT -5
Thanks Baza, it really becomes the chicken before the egg question. These psychologists say that they engage in bad and/or illegal behaviors becomes a sex addict or the guy because a 'sex addict' because of lack of sex. I checked out a youtube video of a women who claims that she was a 'victim' of a sex addict.
One thing that this person did not mention that she has PTSD and have low sex drive, while brushing off that she is the problem when she blames the husband for being a sex addict.
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Post by workingonit on Apr 3, 2019 4:57:28 GMT -5
But some of us have lived for years without sex trying in many ways to fix a broken relationship. That hardly qualifies as addictive behavior.
I know someone in treatment for sex addiction. I know it is just a sample of one but this guy is f-ed up. Seriously. Just inappropriate on so many levels with very confused boundaries.
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Post by baza on Apr 3, 2019 8:13:48 GMT -5
I'm off on a bit of a side bar here - in regard to addiction.
I have often thought that a helluva lot of refused spouses in here (including me back in the day) show symptoms awfully similar to addiction as it regards their dysfunctional spouse.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 3, 2019 9:21:59 GMT -5
Workingonit said: “But some of us have lived for years without sex trying in many ways to fix a broken relationship. That hardly qualifies as addictive behavior.”
People who do that seem addicted to their spouse, clinging to the spouse no matter how badly the spouse treats them.
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Post by workingonit on Apr 3, 2019 9:58:33 GMT -5
Workingonit said: “But some of us have lived for years without sex trying in many ways to fix a broken relationship. That hardly qualifies as addictive behavior.” People who do that seem addicted to their spouse, clinging to the spouse no matter how badly the spouse treats them. Ah, I see. I was not thinking of addiction to the relationship or the person. That does fit. |
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Post by Handy on Apr 3, 2019 13:20:55 GMT -5
I watched all of the and her sexless marriage is different than the examples on ILIASM, so the two types of sexless marriages in this example shouldn't be compared. As to our individual refusers saying we are sex addicts, based on this video, does not compute (apples vs oranges). If someone uses this type of video to to try to back up their claim members are sex addicts, I don't see any refusers saying they want sex with almost every one except their spouse except for a very limited cases, as in Whynotme3. And it looks like that is changing in Whynotme3's favor. So NO I am not a sex addict, I am just sex starved like the rest of the posters on ILIASM and other similar web sites..
I don't know if this woman was also somewhat responsible for the no sex marriage or id she would have been a regular member here on ILIASM. I suppose she could have been a typical member and her H could have been hyper sexual with other women because sometimes new sexual partners can be exciting for some people. I have read several post about how exciting sex with a new partner can be. The term is called new relationship energy or NRE for short.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 3, 2019 15:39:21 GMT -5
Workingonit said: “But some of us have lived for years without sex trying in many ways to fix a broken relationship. That hardly qualifies as addictive behavior.” People who do that seem addicted to their spouse, clinging to the spouse no matter how badly the spouse treats them. Ah, I see. I was not thinking of addiction to the relationship or the person. That does fit. I may be wrong about this, but it sounds like, and reminds me, of 'false hope'. Something we have discussed on here before. |
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Post by flashjohn on Apr 4, 2019 9:58:13 GMT -5
Here is a quote from the article...
"The most common form of sexual addiction in a committed relationship is one partner using sex to feel filled, to feel validated or loved, or to take away tension."
This is very suspect. She does not cite anything for this assertion, and just makes the conclusory statement. Sounds like this is something that a refuser would use to label a person with a normal sex drive.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 4, 2019 11:40:43 GMT -5
“"The most common form of sexual addiction in a committed relationship is one partner using sex to feel filled, to feel validated or loved, or to take away tension."
Sure, if done to the extreme such as (as a friend’s ex did) insisting on sex 5 times each day. However, it’s otherwise normal to use sex to feel loved, reduce stress, etc.
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firefollower
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Post by firefollower on Apr 4, 2019 13:32:27 GMT -5
Here is a quote from the article... "The most common form of sexual addiction in a committed relationship is one partner using sex to feel filled, to feel validated or loved, or to take away tension." This is very suspect. She does not cite anything for this assertion, and just makes the conclusory statement. Sounds like this is something that a refuser would use to label a person with a normal sex drive. Agreed, too many question regarding that statement...what does "filled" mean in this context...what does validated mean? I wonder how the author would define a "normal" sex drive? |
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firefollower
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Posts: 154
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Post by firefollower on Apr 5, 2019 8:26:18 GMT -5
Here is a quote from the article... "The most common form of sexual addiction in a committed relationship is one partner using sex to feel filled, to feel validated or loved, or to take away tension." This is very suspect. She does not cite anything for this assertion, and just makes the conclusory statement. Sounds like this is something that a refuser would use to label a person with a normal sex drive. I guess I need to thank my W...if I am a sex addict...she has had me in rehab for the last 10 years...I am cured. |
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Post by workingonit on Apr 5, 2019 10:12:54 GMT -5
Here is a quote from the article... "The most common form of sexual addiction in a committed relationship is one partner using sex to feel filled, to feel validated or loved, or to take away tension." This is very suspect. She does not cite anything for this assertion, and just makes the conclusory statement. Sounds like this is something that a refuser would use to label a person with a normal sex drive. I guess I need to thank my W...if I am a sex addict...she has had me in rehab for the last 10 years...I am cured. Haha! Miracle cure! Way to go! |
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