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Post by ggold on May 25, 2016 14:08:05 GMT -5
I used to have so much drive and ambition. So excited with life and all its potential. Over 28 years, this SM has eroded my core to a point where I feel neutralized. My dreams, hopes and plans seem pointless. For all my successes, they return empty when at home it'so lonely. She never wants to go anywhere,or experience anything new. I have to either not plan anything or go with kids only. She sure likes gossip and loves to talk and I've done my share of listening for sure. But I don't even get a "have a good day at work". Never has taken the time to see me off on any business trip. Won't even consider me to point of preparing coffee maker for next day. What's wrong with me...hanging around? The kids I tell myself. I'm so angry in the mornings to point of tears but by end of work day distractions, I stay to endure another day. WHY?!?!?!?! She once said we have a good thing here, maybe not "that" but all else.... Is she simply that clueless to what marriage is? Do refusers live in a land of delusion with no clue the pain inflicted? I'm at an IHOP frustrated with even being in the same house with her - she just pushed me away again - And I'm hungry  22 years of marriage here. At least 10 sexless. I feel a mix of emotions. He would continue to live this way for another 22. He thinks we have a good thing. I don't get it and am beyond frustrated in all ways!!!! |
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2016 18:25:11 GMT -5
I waited for a cataclysmic event. What finally happened was that I was offered a good job that was just too far away to make commuting a realistic option - so I moved, and for about a year, we were a long-distance couple, getting together on weekends.
Lucky me - it's hard to find jobs in my field in his town. We finally agreed that if I found a good job out of town, I would take it. (And if we hadn't agreed? Then I would have had a bigger internal challenge. Would I have believed that both my job life and my love life were important enough to risk making him angry? We'll never know, now.)
But he was delusional. Like most of us, I *did* Talk To Him About The Problem (TM) - about 1000 times before Fate handed me the job out of town. So he had to have known I was unhappy with the no-sex bullshit.
But - he was in enough denial last summer to suggest that we move in together again, into a place about halfway between our two jobs.
During that conversation, he said, "Sex is really a dealbreaker for you," and opined that he didn't understand that at all. To which I could only reply that I didn't understand at all how sex could be so unimportant to him.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 18:36:47 GMT -5
The Problem (TM)? Who owns the trademark?
My wife and I don't have sex. She also doesn't communicate well with either me or my son. People who don't get that sex is a wonderful way to communicate are usually out of it.
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2016 19:30:54 GMT -5
refusers get all the sex they want, so really it is only sexless on half of the marriage participants.
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