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Post by ragdoll on Mar 18, 2019 8:04:30 GMT -5
Im looking for someone to talk to, all the time. Friends, forums, chatrooms... I want to get it out of my system, but at the same time, I dont want to spend my days talking about the same over and over again.
Me and my bf we're still living together while I find a place to move to, (I've looking for places already) I need to leave asap, seeing him every day, sharing things, talking, laughing, it all feels good when Im with him, but as soon as I find myself alone... On my way to work etc, I realise we are not together anymore, we are the best team, but I cant ask him to see me as his lover, it just wont happen... Didnt happen the last three years.
It's so painfull to leave the best man Ive ever met, and what really breaks my heart to tears is to think and wonder if he will be ever happy, if he'll find someone who loves him as I do or more but who also connects with him sexually. There are so many things going on in his head that dont allow him to enjoy his sexuality, Im tormented by the fact that he may not find someone while Im here, loving him and willing to give him all of me...
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 18, 2019 8:26:16 GMT -5
It sounds like you are dealing with FOG. (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). You are takig one step back, after taking 2 steps forward. Fear not, it happens. It's a natural reaction. You sound very highly programmed or 'trained' to be a 100% giver while only gaining crumbs as a receiver. It can also be known as codependent. outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guiltSaying goodbye is really about saying hello to your own life on your own terms. It is you who must decide if the approval of others is worth a life mired in obligation, anxiety, and perpetual conflict - for yourself, and for your (future) children.
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Post by smith227 on Mar 18, 2019 9:05:17 GMT -5
You’ll feel better when you leave. I know that probably doesn’t help much, but just be grateful that you’re just sad and not frustrated/angry/losing your mind, etc. I see people in here that have been doing this shit for decades. I see people in here who have wasted their 20s, 30s, 40s, even 50s to this bullshit life. I see people on here who have no choice but to stay involved with their “roommates” bc they have kids. I read in another post that you’re 32. You’re not married, and you don’t have children and bills and houses or have to get an expensive divorce. I’m in no way trying to not validate your feelings. I understand it’s sad, but consider yourself lucky. You’re young. Stop worrying about what a great man you’re losing and be happy about the life you’re gaining. Focus on yourself and stop thinking so much about who you’ll be with next. No one is going to heal you, that’s on you. Be with yourself. It’s actually heathy that you’re still sad about this and don’t hate him or are so indifferent that nothing matters.
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Post by Handy on Mar 18, 2019 15:46:15 GMT -5
Ragdoll I'm tormented by the fact that he may not find someone while I'm here, loving him and willing to give him all of me...
You being there for him and trying to get him to accept your love and trying to get him to develop his sexuality could be worse than him never getting there. Ragdoll, you can NOT make someone be more sexual. Even if you have the best intentions on this planet, your BF is the one that has to do things on his time schedule and how he sees fit. Otherwise you 2 will be in this relationship as it is for the next maybe 50 years.
There is a crude saying "You can teach some pigs to sing but it pisses them off, so why bother.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 18, 2019 16:28:07 GMT -5
Ragdoll said: "It's so painfull to leave the best man Ive ever met, and what really breaks my heart to tears is to think and wonder if he will be ever happy, if he'll find someone who loves him as I do or more but who also connects with him sexually. There are so many things going on in his head that dont allow him to enjoy his sexuality, Im tormented by the fact that he may not find someone while Im here, loving him and willing to give him all of me."
You have no control over his life. The only person whom you have control over is your own life, and your relationship with him isn't making you happy.
Anyway, for all you know, he may be very happy alone or with a partner with no sexual interest. Indeed, he may be happier with such a person than with you.
As for your partner's being the best partner you've ever had, letting go of him will make room in your life for a partner who provides what he provided plus good sex.
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Post by choosinghappy on Mar 19, 2019 15:28:40 GMT -5
...what really breaks my heart to tears is to think and wonder if he will be ever happy, if he'll find someone who loves him as I do or more but who also connects with him sexually. There are so many things going on in his head that dont allow him to enjoy his sexuality, Im tormented by the fact that he may not find someone while Im here, loving him and willing to give him all of me... And how tormented do you think he is, thinking about your future life? I’d guess not much. This is the time to focus on yourself, not on him any longer. Make your own life the best and happiest it can be and let him worry about his own. You are not responsible for his happiness.
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Post by baza on Mar 19, 2019 17:41:58 GMT -5
It is not your job to fix other peoples problems. It most definitely IS your job to sort out your own problems. That's what functional people do, they sort out their own shit. And functional people treat other people with a bit of respect, give them credit for having a few brains, and encourage them to sort out their own shit. You leaving this relationship Sister ragdoll , is going to be quite a challenge. Lots of things to sort out about the direction your life is going to go. It warrants your full attention.
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