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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 16, 2019 12:14:12 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Feb 16, 2019 21:09:23 GMT -5
The key points in the - excellent - article found by Brother greatcoastal are, pretty much, the same points you see hammered in this ILIASM group #1 - in the article, "Know The Law". ILIASM - "see a lawyer in your jurisdiction" #2 - in the article, "Create A Support Group". ILIASM - "shore up your support group" #3 - in the article, "Remove Yourself From Toxic Environments and People". ILIASM - "zipcode therapy" #4 - in the article, "learn to live again. ILIASM - "tune up your exit strategy" #5 - in the article, "find healthy outlets for stress and trauma". ILIASM - "utilize your support network" ILIASM has another, mentioned in the article under #4, that being - "research everything you can about helping kids through the process" Whereas the article refers to abusive relationships, the underlying principles are equally applicable in any divorce situations. Good find Brother greatcoastal . Good article. |
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Post by caballotierra on Mar 10, 2019 11:13:15 GMT -5
Wow. Thanks for sharing, greatcoastal . I'm trying to find a place to live and had the option to keep our house. I tend to want something complete different. As baza said, "Zipcode therapy." That's great advice. Just find a new place and new routines. "Although visiting these locations and spending time with these individuals may seem harmless at first, there is a far more psychological aspect to these locations than you realize. In fact, studies suggest that going to the places you once frequented as a couple can lead you back to this individual no matter how abusive they may be and force you to repeat the cycle once again. You must remind yourself that they were physically and mentally attacking you and keep in mind the basic principles of love and Stockholm syndrome that led you to these emotions in the first place." |
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Post by caballotierra on Mar 10, 2019 11:15:48 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 10, 2019 15:40:16 GMT -5
Wow. Thanks for sharing, greatcoastal . I'm trying to find a place to live and had the option to keep our house. I tend to want something complete different. As baza said, "Zipcode therapy." That's great advice. Just find a new place and new routines. "Although visiting these locations and spending time with these individuals may seem harmless at first, there is a far more psychological aspect to these locations than you realize. In fact, studies suggest that going to the places you once frequented as a couple can lead you back to this individual no matter how abusive they may be and force you to repeat the cycle once again. You must remind yourself that they were physically and mentally attacking you and keep in mind the basic principles of love and Stockholm syndrome that led you to these emotions in the first place." I would like to share one example I have had, that seemed to be quite the opposite. There are many beaches , and parks close to where I live. I have revisited them with a new girlfriend. It has been a complete 180 from my past experiences with my ex. Those experiences where so few, that most of my experiences where from going there alone! I also have revisited places with my new girlfriend, that I had visited with my now ex, and our children. Again another 180! A BIG difference in going with an adult, of the opposite sex, who desires and respects you, compared to a rejector who uses the children as a tool to keep her distance, and control things. In fact it re-enforces my decision to stay as far away from my ex as possible. That may be part of the recovery after going through "Stockholm Syndrome". |
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Post by caballotierra on Mar 10, 2019 20:34:52 GMT -5
greatcoastal I live in a fairly small city so there is just no way I could find all new places and routines. I will still take my kids to the same fun activities because there just aren’t that many options. But I can control the neighborhood and house I live in. I think there is truth to revisiting places with new partners. It does give new context and associations and maybe can help to clear those memories. So that Park A is no longer just about your membories with unhealthy Person A. We can create new memories and new context with new Person B. Maybe one difference is revisiting places that seem to have a special value without trying to reclaim them. I’ve had to reclaim some kinds of music as “mine” and no longer “hers.” And I will make some of my favorite dishes with a new person. New context, old favorite.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 19, 2020 17:42:03 GMT -5
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