Making a life with your former AP

elkclan2
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Posts: 515

Making a life with your former AP Feb 24, 2019 4:24:37 GMT -5 Handy and angeleyes65 like this

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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 24, 2019 4:24:37 GMT -5

No. I had a long term AP but he and I were not romantically suited. I did start seeing my partner while I was still seeing my AP, but everyone knew about it. I continued to see my AP after I split with my ex. AP is still married - they have one of those 'everything is great bar the sex' deals - and while I know a lot of people are dismissive of that idea, I really do think they were pretty good life partners in loads of ways.

I'm still technically married, so there's that. But I met my partner about two years after I split with my ex. My ex still, I'm pretty sure, never knew about my outsourcing.

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. I'm actually pretty darn monogamous. I should have outsourced long before I did! I am now in a sexful, joyful and monogamous relationship.

caballotierra
Junior Member

Posts: 41

Making a life with your former AP Feb 26, 2019 22:01:14 GMT -5 elynne, isthisit, and 1 more like this

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Post by caballotierra on Feb 26, 2019 22:01:14 GMT -5

Only affair I entered into was emotional (not physical). but still set me on the path towards (eventual) divorce. It was a slow opening to a bigger world outside the emotional abuse and neglect that I was becoming stuck in with my marriage.

shamwow
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Posts: 3,597

Age Range: 46-50

Making a life with your former AP Feb 27, 2019 6:55:02 GMT -5 via mobile saarinista, elkclan2, and 3 more like this

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Post by shamwow on Feb 27, 2019 6:55:02 GMT -5

Feb 26, 2019 22:01:14 GMT -5 caballotierra said:

Once the light goes off, it hard to stuff that genie back into its bottle.

Sham's Law #1: Everything in life is simple. First you figure out what you want. Second, you figure out how to get it. Third you do it. The first step, unfortunately happens to be the hardest.

caballotierra
Junior Member

Posts: 41

Making a life with your former AP Mar 12, 2019 21:06:10 GMT -5 via mobile saarinista, isthisit, and 1 more like this

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Post by caballotierra on Mar 12, 2019 21:06:10 GMT -5

shamwow it’s the matrix moment. I never touched my AP but just having this flash of kindness and reciprocated desire was enough to tip me off on how wrong my relationship was.

mirrororchid: We've compared denier/refuser spouses to prison wardens. Dr. Psychmom has compared them to hostage takers and the unhappy spouse has Stockholm syndrome. Prisoners can't leave. Stockholm hostages don't because they want a good outcome for the captor. Sept 10, 2024 18:54:11 GMT -5

mirrororchid: Heard on a podcast: "Dating is where we present our best selves. Vulnerability is the opposite. Where we risk our partner knowing things that are imperfect. This is the way to forge the life partner bond." Sept 10, 2024 19:17:03 GMT -5

week5of35years: My Wife had 30 free mins before she had to start work this AM... I said.. "lets have a quick shag" and she said she was going to walk the dog instead.... Still work to do.... Sept 17, 2024 3:51:34 GMT -5

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Making a life with your former AP

Post by elkclan2 on Feb 24, 2019 4:24:37 GMT -5

Post by caballotierra on Feb 26, 2019 22:01:14 GMT -5

Post by shamwow on Feb 27, 2019 6:55:02 GMT -5

Post by caballotierra on Mar 12, 2019 21:06:10 GMT -5

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