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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 9, 2019 17:09:38 GMT -5
If this is you, I can say, I equivocally, if your marriage is as bad as mine was, the answer is YES.
I have support from:
My mom
My brother and sister in law
My teenager
All my coworkers who know
My boss (he and H have a mutual friend)
Long time friends
Newer friends
Some of H’s friends
This is not to say that no one is supporting him. In fact, when we served him the papers, my mom made a point of saying, “I support both of you!” My brother patted him on yeh shoulder and said, “Just breathe man” (or something like that) and my SIL calmly and patiently explained the paperwork to him. He still expresses concern that he’s “no longer part of the family” and won’t be allowed at holidays, etc. and I’m like “Have you MET my family?”
That’s how it’s been working so far.
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Post by baza on Feb 9, 2019 19:30:08 GMT -5
That is a pretty handy looking support network Sister mypaintbrushes . But generally, apart from those closest to (and immediately affected by) the situation, people will devote several minutes to thinking about and discussing your situation before tuning in to "Canada's Funniest Dogs". Good luck on the next bit of your process. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 9, 2019 20:56:34 GMT -5
One of the biggest things I had to overcome when deciding to leave my SM was being ok with losing his side of the family. Some of them I was closer with than my own family so that was a huge negative for me.
As it turns out, it was an unfounded fear. Every single one of them texted me when they found out we were splitting to say they were so sorry to hear and that they loved me and supported me. My mother in law (who I’m very close to) is still firmly in my life and we talk multiple times a week and see each other occasionally, and my sisters in law and I still text.
Really, the only family I “lost” was the side of the family I never really liked anyway!
I also didn’t lose any friends or any of my support group, just the dead weight of my H.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 10, 2019 1:04:02 GMT -5
I have never really developed a relationship with any of my in-laws. ANY! I think I’m pretty easy to get along with, so what the hell? I guess I won’t be losing any of them since there was never a relationship to begin with. They don’t even really know my son. He’s almost 16 and I remind him, periodically, that he has another grandma in Oregon.
My first husband and I split after only two years and no kids. I am still close to his family. His mom refers to me as her “first daughter” (ex is remarried). His cousins and I talk all the time. His dad was one in a million.
If all that weren’t enough, my ex’s parents actually BABYSAT for H and me once when our son was a baby. Definitely a supportive family!
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 9, 2019 18:47:49 GMT -5
I got a lot of support from my mother, sisters, and their SOs. My uncle, upon hearimg the news, offered his support. Friends at work were helpful, also.
I purposely withdrew from church and mutual friends, because I knew my wife would need all the support she could get. A few months out, I hear she has stopped going to church, which is surprising to me, as it was always an important part of her weekly routine. Perhaps she did not get the responses she expected when she explained how perverted I was for wanting sex at least three times a week.
My wife's family was pretty much gone. She was an only child. Her mother is deceased. Her father can scarcely support himself, and my wife had been sending him a monthly stipend for which I have never heard a word of thanks. I doubt she has gotten any support, there.
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Post by workingonit on Mar 10, 2019 16:17:47 GMT -5
I got a lot of support from my mother, sisters, and their SOs. My uncle, upon hearimg the news, offered his support. Friends at work were helpful, also. I purposely withdrew from church and mutual friends, because I knew my wife would need all the support she could get. A few months out, I hear she has stopped going to church, which is surprising to me, as it was always an important part of her weekly routine. Perhaps she did not get the responses she expected when she explained how perverted I was for wanting sex at least three times a week. My wife's family was pretty much gone. She was an only child. Her mother is deceased. Her father can scarcely support himself, and my wife had been sending him a monthly stipend for which I have never heard a word of thanks. I doubt she has gotten any support, there. I seriously doubt she told anything close to the truth about you! |
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Post by shamwow on Mar 12, 2019 8:18:02 GMT -5
I got a lot of support from my mother, sisters, and their SOs. My uncle, upon hearimg the news, offered his support. Friends at work were helpful, also. I purposely withdrew from church and mutual friends, because I knew my wife would need all the support she could get. A few months out, I hear she has stopped going to church, which is surprising to me, as it was always an important part of her weekly routine. Perhaps she did not get the responses she expected when she explained how perverted I was for wanting sex at least three times a week. My wife's family was pretty much gone. She was an only child. Her mother is deceased. Her father can scarcely support himself, and my wife had been sending him a monthly stipend for which I have never heard a word of thanks. I doubt she has gotten any support, there. I seriously doubt she told anything close to the truth about you! Agreed. I'm sure my ex's family was also told a stack of lies (based on their reactions). It's too bad since I really liked them. But the reaction of my former in-laws is kind of moot when the alternative is a continued slide into depression. |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 16, 2019 14:44:16 GMT -5
My sister and friends and coworkers were very supportive. My mom when I started telling her I was going to leave really didn't say much. She is a big believer in " you made your bed sleep in it." I don't agree. Unfortunately she had a pretty bad stroke that hit her communication center before I left so she knows but not always sure she remembers. She recognizes everyone but can't put a name with the person. But truly I left for me I didn't need anyone's approval. My grown kids are supportive but my ex did not take it well so he's made their life's rough.
My in-laws took varying paths. Honestly we were relatively close and they see his faults I thought they would be more understanding than they were. They in general think people shouldn't divorce. My motherinlaw I think just thought I should take one for the team for her son same with my one sister in law. They are still FB friends but rarely do we say anything to each other. One brotherinlaw unfriended me and one actually talks to me as does both his ex wife's lol. The sad part is they seem to have lost interest in my kids too. To me it just shows the hipocropsy of their claim of Christianity . Our kids had nothing to do with the divorce.
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Post by elkclan2 on Mar 18, 2019 5:30:17 GMT -5
My mom was most definitely NOT supportive. That hurt - but it's serious confirmation that my fucked up childhood trained me to choose people who didn't care about my needs. I am very fortunate that I recognised this. I credit one paragraph in a self-help book on boundaries when dating after an abusive marriage and therapy in helping me to choose better.
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Post by Handy on Mar 18, 2019 16:14:13 GMT -5
Elkclan2, how about posting your eye opening paragraph.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 1, 2019 17:15:45 GMT -5
My in-laws took varying paths. Honestly we were relatively close and they see his faults I thought they would be more understanding than they were. They in general think people shouldn't divorce. My motherinlaw I think just thought I should take one for the team for her son same with my one sister in law. angeleyes65,
35 years of SM is taking one for several teams. 
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 2, 2019 1:47:57 GMT -5
I read a post on another marriage help forum from a woman with two young children and a refusing husband. She went to her parents, who were pretty unsupportive. They don't want the embarrassment in their lives a a divorced daughter, and pretty much told her she'll have to tough this one out. Fortunately, most of the respondents to the post were very supportive about her ending the charade. Support may not come from people you would expect, but those people are not living your life, and you are not beholden to them. Your happiness need not be a sacrificial lamb for their public image.
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