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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 4, 2019 10:12:25 GMT -5
My sister and I have a breakfast place halfway between us that we meet at pretty regularly. Over the years I have spent plenty of time sitting in the parking lot while waiting for her to arrive, and watching the couples come and go from the diner, laughing and talking and holding hands as they stroll. Watching their happiness and the ease with which they reach for one another’s hand and intertwine their fingers with the other’s has actually brought me close to tears a few times as it was the perfect symbol of what I DIDN’T have in my SM (and came to realize that I would NEVER have if I chose to stay). Even if I could have convinced my Ex to come out to breakfast with me he wouldn’t enjoy himself, wouldn’t enjoy my company, and never in a million years would we reach out to hold hands as we walked from the car to the restaurant. Just that small thing felt heartbreaking to me. I brought tirefire to that diner this weekend. And as we were walking from the car to the restaurant he reached for my hand without a second thought. It literally stopped me in my tracks. How many times had I wished that could be me? And now it was. Without a second thought. And I am so so happy. It’s such a little thing but it means SO MUCH. |
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Post by workingonit on Feb 4, 2019 10:36:31 GMT -5
Wow. This just got me. Actually teared up over this. I am so happy for you, so wanting to believe I can be there too. The little things are where life happens. Keep noticing, keep appreciating, keep loving. ❤
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Post by isthisit on Feb 4, 2019 12:14:07 GMT -5
My sister and I have a breakfast place halfway between us that we meet at pretty regularly. Over the years I have spent plenty of time sitting in the parking lot while waiting for her to arrive, and watching the couples come and go from the diner, laughing and talking and holding hands as they stroll. Watching their happiness and the ease with which they reach for one another’s hand and intertwine their fingers with the other’s has actually brought me close to tears a few times as it was the perfect symbol of what I DIDN’T have in my SM (and came to realize that I would NEVER have if I chose to stay). Even if I could have convinced my Ex to come out to breakfast with me he wouldn’t enjoy himself, wouldn’t enjoy my company, and never in a million years would we reach out to hold hands as we walked from the car to the restaurant. Just that small thing felt heartbreaking to me. I brought tirefire to that diner this weekend. And as we were walking from the car to the restaurant he reached for my hand without a second thought. It literally stopped me in my tracks. How many times had I wished that could be me? And now it was. Without a second thought. And I am so so happy. It’s such a little thing but it means SO MUCH. Wow @choosinghappy I am very happy for you both. This is exactly the miniscule detail that caused me to leap from the ledge so recently. On the surface a tiny inconsequential thing, but when it is absent from your life, and you understand that this will be forever, a monumental and immeasurable problem. Life should be full of such riches, and mine will be once again..... I am hoping. |
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 4, 2019 14:16:44 GMT -5
choosing happy said: "And as we were walking from the car to the restaurant he reached for my hand without a second thought. It literally stopped me in my tracks. How many times had I wished that could be me? And now it was. Without a second thought. And I am so so happy. It’s such a little thing but it means SO MUCH."
It's not a little thing. It's one of those things that reflect intimacy and love, and it's one of those things that most of us didn't have in our SMs.
A reason that I stay on this site 6 years after my divorce is that posts like yours remind me not to take my post SM partner for granted. It can be easy to forget what life was like when I was starved for such intimate, loving gestures.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2019 17:23:01 GMT -5
Can I super like this??? So happy for you. Getting out is the best thing we could have done for ourselves!
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Post by sadkat on Feb 4, 2019 19:40:57 GMT -5
I’m very happy for you and tirefire! We all deserve to have our wishes come true. I’m very glad you are finding happiness in one another! |
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Post by solodriver on Feb 4, 2019 21:59:07 GMT -5
choosinghappy please keep sharing and updating us on these things, we need to hear more of them for strength and encouragement.  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 5, 2019 9:59:36 GMT -5
YES!! It is the little things! The little things that our , now ex, took for granted and did not appreciate. The little things, that to us, where BIG reasons why we got married in the first place!
What is just as important is that you, ( the two of you) take the time to thank each other for these oh so meaningful 'little things'.
It's like that first sip of water, to the person whose ben dying of thirst in the dessert.
I'm probably going to have some of those feelings when I receive my first paycheck again!
I think, one of my ULTIMATE favorites is when I wake up in the morning, and my girlfriend is lying beside me! I say, with all sincerity, " Thank you for being here! It means so much to me!"
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 6, 2019 4:21:41 GMT -5
It never really bothered me what other people had. It bothered me that I didn't have it. But one time I was in traffic and I saw a young man waiting on the steps to an apartment block. A young woman got off the bus with loads of heavy household shopping. He walked down to meet her and took some of the bags and they both walked up the steps together. That got me. That basic consideration of sharing household stuff together. I knew I would never have that. My ex not only didn't have sex with me, but he never (rarely) helped me without an argument even for basic stuff - like watching his own child so I could take a shower. I couldn't imagine him meeting me to help me carry groceries into the house. My current partner is so loving and giving. He'd help me carry stuff in and he'd thank me for buying groceries.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 6, 2019 9:43:21 GMT -5
It never really bothered me what other people had. It bothered me that I didn't have it. But one time I was in traffic and I saw a young man waiting on the steps to an apartment block. A young woman got off the bus with loads of heavy household shopping. He walked down to meet her and took some of the bags and they both walked up the steps together. That got me. That basic consideration of sharing household stuff together. I knew I would never have that. My ex not only didn't have sex with me, but he never (rarely) helped me without an argument even for basic stuff - like watching his own child so I could take a shower. I couldn't imagine him meeting me to help me carry groceries into the house. My current partner is so loving and giving. He'd help me carry stuff in and he'd thank me for buying groceries. Such a good example of a “little thing” that just gets you. The holding hands thing was it for me. But as workingonit said, it really is the little things that make up life. |
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Post by tirefire on Feb 7, 2019 5:57:27 GMT -5
I had similar experiences with watching couples together and seeing a natural intimacy that I never had. When they discover something together you see them reach out for each other. Maybe she touches his arm, he puts a hand on her lower back. They walk together holding hands or arm in arm. Who knows, maybe they irritate others by blocking pedestrian traffic in the mall when they stop for a quick kiss for a reason no one else can see. What this represents to me is that you are seeing that bit of the iceberg that is above the water. That couple is kind to each other, longs for each other, and yes, they probably had (unnegotiated, not prearranged) sex before getting to the mall. (I don't even like going to the mall but you get the idea. Maybe this was why? 😊) Since choosinghappy and I have been together, I discover all these other things that melt me and they aren't small, they are tiny! If we are holding hands and she has to take her hand away for something, she takes my hand again when she is done. She actually likes having fingers intertwined. I just kind of assumed my knuckles were too big and bony for anyone to want that. She smiles when I take her hand. That's the biggest little thing. The fact that I can make her happy. I'm honestly surprised that I can even reach out properly to hold hands because I have trouble walking normally around her. She pretends not to notice I think but my feet get kind of clutzy or uneven on the ground as we start out together. It's the butterflies. She's amazing and beautiful and funny and kind and makes me stumble just a bit on perfectly flat asphalt.😂 |
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Post by workingonit on Feb 7, 2019 9:11:43 GMT -5
I had similar experiences with watching couples together and seeing a natural intimacy that I never had. When they discover something together you see them reach out for each other. Maybe she touches his arm, he puts a hand on her lower back. They walk together holding hands or arm in arm. Who knows, maybe they irritate others by blocking pedestrian traffic in the mall when they stop for a quick kiss for a reason no one else can see. What this represents to me is that you are seeing that bit of the iceberg that is above the water. That couple is kind to each other, longs for each other, and yes, they probably had (unnegotiated, not prearranged) sex before getting to the mall. (I don't even like going to the mall but you get the idea. Maybe this was why? 😊) Since choosinghappy and I have been together, I discover all these other things that melt me and they aren't small, they are tiny! If we are holding hands and she has to take her hand away for something, she takes my hand again when she is done. She actually likes having fingers intertwined. I just kind of assumed my knuckles were too big and bony for anyone to want that. She smiles when I take her hand. That's the biggest little thing. The fact that I can make her happy. I'm honestly surprised that I can even reach out properly to hold hands because I have trouble walking normally around her. She pretends not to notice I think but my feet get kind of clutzy or uneven on the ground as we start out together. It's the butterflies. She's amazing and beautiful and funny and kind and makes me stumble just a bit on perfectly flat asphalt.😂 [br *sigh* Having vicarious butterflies with you two. I love love. I am so happy when people here find it. 😍 |
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 7, 2019 18:31:08 GMT -5
I had similar experiences with watching couples together and seeing a natural intimacy that I never had. When they discover something together you see them reach out for each other. Maybe she touches his arm, he puts a hand on her lower back. They walk together holding hands or arm in arm. Who knows, maybe they irritate others by blocking pedestrian traffic in the mall when they stop for a quick kiss for a reason no one else can see. What this represents to me is that you are seeing that bit of the iceberg that is above the water. That couple is kind to each other, longs for each other, and yes, they probably had (unnegotiated, not prearranged) sex before getting to the mall. (I don't even like going to the mall but you get the idea. Maybe this was why? 😊) Since choosinghappy and I have been together, I discover all these other things that melt me and they aren't small, they are tiny! If we are holding hands and she has to take her hand away for something, she takes my hand again when she is done. She actually likes having fingers intertwined. I just kind of assumed my knuckles were too big and bony for anyone to want that. She smiles when I take her hand. That's the biggest little thing. The fact that I can make her happy. I'm honestly surprised that I can even reach out properly to hold hands because I have trouble walking normally around her. She pretends not to notice I think but my feet get kind of clutzy or uneven on the ground as we start out together. It's the butterflies. She's amazing and beautiful and funny and kind and makes me stumble just a bit on perfectly flat asphalt.😂 ❤️ |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 7, 2019 19:57:46 GMT -5
Loved reading this and I can relate so much. One of the reasons I left my first marriage was lack of touch in general, plus, obviously, no sex for ten years. But those touches mean just as much to me and the thought of never having my knee squeezed, neck kissed or hand lovingly held was the catalyst that spurred me towards divorce.
I've been married to the only love of my life for over 3 years, together 5..... we still kiss, caress, squeeze knees in the car or at the movies or at the restaurant or a wedding or funeral....etc.... In public he pulls me close, rubs my back, kisses my forehead. All natural. All genuine. Its us. How we are. Still. And it's not fading.
It is real. It is not just a honeymoon phase.
Some couples are just as happy as they appear to be.
Enjoy the journey!!
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 7, 2019 20:05:53 GMT -5
Loved reading this and I can relate so much. One of the reasons I left my first marriage was lack of touch in general, plus, obviously, no sex for ten years. But those touches mean just as much to me and the thought of never having my knee squeezed, neck kissed or hand lovingly held was the catalyst that spurred me towards divorce. I've been married to the only love of my life for over 3 years, together 5..... we still kiss, caress, squeeze knees in the car or at the movies or at the restaurant or a wedding or funeral....etc.... In public he pulls me close, rubs my back, kisses my forehead. All natural. All genuine. Its us. How we are. Still. And it's not fading. It is real. It is not just a honeymoon phase. Some couples are just as happy as they appear to be. Enjoy the journey!! I could not love this any more. 😊 |
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