Post by swimmer on Jan 29, 2019 15:20:44 GMT -5
Hi I’m new here. I’m looking to get al alternate perspective from the one I’ve been trying to sort out for a while.
I’m the male partner of a woman for 10 years. Early on, we were quite active but sex (quantity & quality) declined about 1.5 years in. We have sex about 2 times a month. She is usually reluctant to engage. 20-30% of the time she seems genuinely horny and interested. The rest of time she is somewhere between “taking one for the team”(an actual quote),very mild interest and a guilty conscience.
When I bring this up, she replies by saying she is interested in sex and wants to have more but feels something to the effect of being “blocked”, “no libido”.
On being ‘blocked’, she says she doesn’t like her body. She has gained weight, since having 3 kids, this is true. I still think she’s incredibly beautiful, sexy, hot and on &on and I let her know whenever I can. I actually have to hold back a bit b/c my compliments seem to worsen her self consciousness. Save to say, I have never explicitly or implicitly criticized her body or have been anything else besides in awe with her body.
She’ll also say, her libido changed since having kids. I can understand this. It’s a big change to the body & sex hormones. No criticism there.
She has a few more theories about being blocked, but she’ll still say she is very interested in having a sex life.
I get suspicious because I can detect no outward sign that she is interested in sex or improving our sex life. I know what it looks like when she’s interested in something, hobbies, kids, TV shows, friends, even mundane stuff and there’s nothing when it come to improving sex.
She doesn’t want to seek help with body dysmorphia. Doesn’t want to exercise. Doesn’t want to talk or seek assistance with anxiety. Doesn’t want to read any books about sex/libido (even if I’m reading along with her). I try my best to be sensitive and supportive. I don’t guilt trip her or pressure her about these things. She said she’d read a book on sex but bailed on it 1/3 thru and didn’t tell me. Also, our sex life began to ebb 2 years before kids.
Recently, she told me I was in charge of revitalizing our sex life. I need to read a book. Pull together the wisdom, and return with the magic wand to wave over her libido.
My theory is that she is relatively asexual, compared to me. She may or may not be aware of this herself. She does not want (or is fearful) to admit she’s not interested in sex, for reasons I’m not entirely short of.
What do y’all think? Is she running me around?
I lover her and I don’t want to malign her. I’d like to have a clear answer- ‘No, I’m not actually interested in sex’ or ‘Yes, I’m interested in better sex and I want to work on it together until we figure it out’.
I’m the male partner of a woman for 10 years. Early on, we were quite active but sex (quantity & quality) declined about 1.5 years in. We have sex about 2 times a month. She is usually reluctant to engage. 20-30% of the time she seems genuinely horny and interested. The rest of time she is somewhere between “taking one for the team”(an actual quote),very mild interest and a guilty conscience.
When I bring this up, she replies by saying she is interested in sex and wants to have more but feels something to the effect of being “blocked”, “no libido”.
On being ‘blocked’, she says she doesn’t like her body. She has gained weight, since having 3 kids, this is true. I still think she’s incredibly beautiful, sexy, hot and on &on and I let her know whenever I can. I actually have to hold back a bit b/c my compliments seem to worsen her self consciousness. Save to say, I have never explicitly or implicitly criticized her body or have been anything else besides in awe with her body.
She’ll also say, her libido changed since having kids. I can understand this. It’s a big change to the body & sex hormones. No criticism there.
She has a few more theories about being blocked, but she’ll still say she is very interested in having a sex life.
I get suspicious because I can detect no outward sign that she is interested in sex or improving our sex life. I know what it looks like when she’s interested in something, hobbies, kids, TV shows, friends, even mundane stuff and there’s nothing when it come to improving sex.
She doesn’t want to seek help with body dysmorphia. Doesn’t want to exercise. Doesn’t want to talk or seek assistance with anxiety. Doesn’t want to read any books about sex/libido (even if I’m reading along with her). I try my best to be sensitive and supportive. I don’t guilt trip her or pressure her about these things. She said she’d read a book on sex but bailed on it 1/3 thru and didn’t tell me. Also, our sex life began to ebb 2 years before kids.
Recently, she told me I was in charge of revitalizing our sex life. I need to read a book. Pull together the wisdom, and return with the magic wand to wave over her libido.
My theory is that she is relatively asexual, compared to me. She may or may not be aware of this herself. She does not want (or is fearful) to admit she’s not interested in sex, for reasons I’m not entirely short of.
What do y’all think? Is she running me around?
I lover her and I don’t want to malign her. I’d like to have a clear answer- ‘No, I’m not actually interested in sex’ or ‘Yes, I’m interested in better sex and I want to work on it together until we figure it out’.