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Post by Handy on Feb 1, 2019 12:38:27 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes
This should shed some light. This is his side of the story. Obviously a few years later but his core values are the same:
I was a member of "DivorceBusting" for a couple of years until I sort of was told to sign up for one of their counseling programs or get lost, along with 20+ other people. The poster "Young at Heart" was on Divorce Busting when he attempted his turn-around.
About your H's story, I read the replies and the replies indicated he has some issues to fix. What I couldn't determine was how valid his complaints about you are.
My general opinion is it takes two people with relatively similar ideas to mesh to be compatible. Too rigid or too care free does have it's problems.
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Post by smith227 on Apr 2, 2019 20:08:00 GMT -5
Ok mypaintbrushes I was thinking about what your h wrote while I was doing dishes today. Your h admitted to withholding intimacy and affection to try to direct your behavior to what he wanted to see. What would you or a psychologist or ANYONE think if a parent said that he/she did not give hugs and affection or love to their child unless the child did XYZ behavior. Can you imagine??? The horror! You give love and affection to a child not just because it is good for the child but because YOU LOVE THE CHILD!!! It would literally have been impossible for me to not hug and kiss on my children (when they were young enough to not mind!) because it was just a natural expression of how I felt for them. It was never a conscious choice. I am still overcome with love for them at times that I NEED to hug them and hold them (they are 15 and 17 and both bigger than me!). Just because we are adults does not mean we do not need affection and love. God. What I really want- whatever on frequency, on position, on blah blah blah- I want and need someone that WANTS AND NEEDS TO TOUCH ME. Not because they are meeting MY needs. Not because they are checking the box of "good partner." And FOR SURE not because I have earned it with my good behavior!! But because it is his NEED to touch me and a natural extension of the feelings for me that he also expresses in other ways. And touching him would likewise be a natural need for me. Is that so foreign and rare in the world that you or I should feel guilty for asking for that? I want it to be impossible for my partner to go a whole day without touching me. Of guilty for leaving a situation where these natural expressions of love and connection need to be earned through good behavior? Fuck that, sister. For real. Thank you for this. I’m going to read this everyday. |
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Post by saarinista on Apr 4, 2019 17:55:23 GMT -5
Guilt is useless. If your marriage doesn't work out, it's never one sided. And even IF one party bears most of the "blame" (another word I hate) so what? Obviously, the marriage was not a good coupling.
Divorce is not a crime. Don't beat yourself up unless you want to make yourself unhappy for no good reason. Life is short.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 7, 2019 21:38:23 GMT -5
Guilt is useless. If your marriage doesn't work out, it's never one sided. And even IF one party bears most of the "blame" (another word I hate) so what? Obviously, the marriage was not a good coupling. Divorce is not a crime. Don't beat yourself up unless you want to make yourself unhappy for no good reason. Life is short. I'm trying to incorporate this into my thoughts as I approach my launch. |
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Apr 8, 2019 14:00:22 GMT -5
There is a good book called Uncoupling by Dianne Vaughan which explains the process. Maybe worth a whirl. It helped me understand quite a lot of the thoughts I had. It's not specific to a SM but has value none the less
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Post by angeleyes65 on Apr 9, 2019 6:06:44 GMT -5
I never thought I pushed him towards it. Their was a few brief moments while I was chasing the why's that I thought he turned to porn because I gained weight. Then I looked through the pictures and reassured what I always new the weight came with the depression after my marriage slid off the tracks. Honestly I think we try to find how we are at fault because if it was us we could fix it. But it's not us.
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