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Post by nyctos on Jan 21, 2019 6:25:23 GMT -5
she makes me feel worthless every day she blames any fault in the kids on me -- my genetics or something I do she immediately finds something to yell about when she gets back from work she communicates with one-word commands she keeps a litany of every single mistake I've ever made, or wrong thing I've ever done, to throw back at me in arguments she tries to control even small things I do she makes cold sour vegetables She recovers easily from a fight while it takes me days
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jan 21, 2019 10:45:29 GMT -5
"cold sour vegetables" eh? That sounds pretty nasty. Is your wife a brunette, roughly 5' 6", big ass? She sounds like my wife.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 21, 2019 11:08:12 GMT -5
I was also struck by the vegetables! I am sorry she is so awful to you nyctos but that is pretty hilarious. I encourage you to make your own hot ans spicy vegetables!
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Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2019 11:18:03 GMT -5
All those sound like my wife, except the last. My wife NEVER recovers from a argument or fight!
She can't remember the last time we had sex (almost 20 years ago, I remember when) but she can remember the time I made her mad or an argument we had 25 years ago.
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Post by baza on Jan 21, 2019 13:38:45 GMT -5
It begs the question Brother nyctos ..... *how much* do you hate these behaviours ?
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Post by carl on Jan 21, 2019 17:26:33 GMT -5
she makes me feel worthless every day she blames any fault in the kids on me -- my genetics or something I do she immediately finds something to yell about when she gets back from work she communicates with one-word commands she keeps a litany of every single mistake I've ever made, or wrong thing I've ever done, to throw back at me in arguments she tries to control even small things I do she makes cold sour vegetables She recovers easily from a fight while it takes me days Is she over tired, she sounds like she is just generally tired and stressed ? My wife could be like that at times for many years. I just see it as her feeling distressed and never take it personally even it it feels like that. Just be patient kind and reassuring. There is nothing else you can do. Would resist being critical back and try to be kind back but at the same time hold your inner pride and don’t let her words offend you.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 21, 2019 17:37:51 GMT -5
"cold sour vegetables" eh? That sounds pretty nasty. Is your wife a brunette, roughly 5' 6", big ass? She sounds like my wife. All except the big ass -- she keeps herself pretty thin.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 21, 2019 17:40:56 GMT -5
I was also struck by the vegetables! I am sorry she is so awful to you nyctos but that is pretty hilarious. I encourage you to make your own hot ans spicy vegetables! Thanks workingonit -- while the vegetables are noxious (imagine cold cooked spinach with a dash of vinegar), obviously it would be a petty thing by itself. And of course, if I don't eat them I'm setting a bad example for the kids. Ugh.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 21, 2019 17:43:26 GMT -5
It begs the question Brother nyctos ..... *how much* do you hate these behaviours ? It does indeed, baza. I don't know how close I am to breaking or snapping or what it would mean if I did.
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Post by baza on Jan 21, 2019 18:10:09 GMT -5
It begs the question Brother nyctos ..... *how much* do you hate these behaviours ? It does indeed, baza . I don't know how close I am to breaking or snapping or what it would mean if I did. Well you'll have seen in here what your options are, Brother nyctos . Which option seems to you to be the "least worst" ? All of the options are pretty awful, which one do you think might have the best chance of working out in your longer term best interests ?
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2019 18:38:15 GMT -5
It begs the question Brother nyctos ..... *how much* do you hate these behaviours ? It does indeed, baza. I don't know how close I am to breaking or snapping or what it would mean if I did. Hugs nyctosI just posted a link to a TED talk that you might find helpful as you try to figure it all out. [a href=" /"] /[/a]
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Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2019 19:57:17 GMT -5
Thank you choosinghappy for posting. Short, simple and to the point.
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Post by baza on Jan 21, 2019 20:22:53 GMT -5
It begs the question Brother nyctos ..... *how much* do you hate these behaviours ? It does indeed, baza . I don't know how close I am to breaking or snapping or what it would mean if I did. In the world of ILIASM, it is a good idea to ask yourself these questions - now - so that if you do "Break/Snap" you are somewhat prepared. The problem, if you just Break/Snap in uncontrolled fashion you may say things you don't mean, threaten things you won't do and generally shred your cred. And that will put you backwards by months. It is worth thinking these things through calmly, rationally and objectively NOW whilst you are not in a highly emotional state so you are at least to some extent prepared.
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Post by caballotierra on Jan 21, 2019 21:35:28 GMT -5
Agreed, baza. Took me literally years to drum up the courage, perspective, clarity, honesty, integrity, humility, courage, and tenderness to leave. And yes you read that right. Sucks being on this side of things looking back realizing how long I took me to get here...and seeing so many other “junior” members basically tell my own story. For me, boiled down to one thing: I hate that she will never forgive me and would rather throw away our partnership instead. Didn’t matter how much I changed or asked her to change. She never would.
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Post by isthisit on Jan 22, 2019 7:00:39 GMT -5
she makes me feel worthless every day she blames any fault in the kids on me -- my genetics or something I do she immediately finds something to yell about when she gets back from work she communicates with one-word commands she keeps a litany of every single mistake I've ever made, or wrong thing I've ever done, to throw back at me in arguments she tries to control even small things I do she makes cold sour vegetables She recovers easily from a fight while it takes me days I am very sorry that this is your reality. As you choose to stay I am wondering if there are there any positives to balance against this vile and reprehensible behaviour? Please try to be kind to yourself where you can.
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