Post by warmways on May 23, 2016 7:53:30 GMT -5
We had been in this really painfully drawn out period of non communication except for the superficial and this morning I finally broke the ice. I talked about how painful it was to have no romance, love fun etc. I didn't even mention sex because although I always have I the past and we saw therapists and a sex therapist etc., I can't even imagine having sex with him. It's been so many years I've lost count.
He told me he felt like the love and the magic was gone but that he had to work on himself before he could start working on us. I told him I was miserable and never felt comfortable to talk because there is always so much anxiety and nothing ever happens and that the last time he promised to cuddle with me 3x a week and watch tv 1x a week and or do something together together one
Weekend night - he couldn't do it. (It was an idea from the L Bancroft book, " should I stay or should I go"where there is a web site for the neglecters, avoiders, emotionally abusers) to go with questions and suggestions. That's where he got the idea to spend time w me which he couldn't do. Now he's saying we should try again after he works on himself. It's a repeated cycle.
I said I couldn't trust him and felt uneasy around him and I never know where he stands or what he's thinking because he doesn't share or talk (I didn't say this but he doesn't talk except to request something from me). That we're both "good people" but I'm not happy and I know you're not happy. He didn't dispute that. I said I was miserable. He assured me that I could talk to him about anything and he just told his therapist how scared he was because I'd stopped talking. I am so tired of our mechanical type of relationship where I do 100 percent of the chores and puppy and cats and house and cooking and garden care and he earns the money and we no longer talk and I feel so resentful angry shut down and paralyzed. This is not me. I'm a generally happy warm outgoing talkative person but I was beginning to lose my words and that scared the hell out of me so
Im going to see how a separation/div would shake out and focus on finding work.
He told me he felt like the love and the magic was gone but that he had to work on himself before he could start working on us. I told him I was miserable and never felt comfortable to talk because there is always so much anxiety and nothing ever happens and that the last time he promised to cuddle with me 3x a week and watch tv 1x a week and or do something together together one
Weekend night - he couldn't do it. (It was an idea from the L Bancroft book, " should I stay or should I go"where there is a web site for the neglecters, avoiders, emotionally abusers) to go with questions and suggestions. That's where he got the idea to spend time w me which he couldn't do. Now he's saying we should try again after he works on himself. It's a repeated cycle.
I said I couldn't trust him and felt uneasy around him and I never know where he stands or what he's thinking because he doesn't share or talk (I didn't say this but he doesn't talk except to request something from me). That we're both "good people" but I'm not happy and I know you're not happy. He didn't dispute that. I said I was miserable. He assured me that I could talk to him about anything and he just told his therapist how scared he was because I'd stopped talking. I am so tired of our mechanical type of relationship where I do 100 percent of the chores and puppy and cats and house and cooking and garden care and he earns the money and we no longer talk and I feel so resentful angry shut down and paralyzed. This is not me. I'm a generally happy warm outgoing talkative person but I was beginning to lose my words and that scared the hell out of me so
Im going to see how a separation/div would shake out and focus on finding work.
