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Post by h on Dec 21, 2018 9:38:20 GMT -5
Question for today- What would you like to do more of in your life but don’t? Why don’t you? (Try to think of something outside of our basic ILIASM deficits). I want to volunteer more. There are numerous reasons I don’t- all are not very good reasons. I think one of the main reasons is I want to find something I’m passionate about and have not taken the time to do the research. I would like to spend more time with my friends. We used to have monthly get togethers for playing Warhammer Fantasy. We would have snacks and beer and show off our newly painted miniatures and then have a game with them that would take entirely too long but even the loser had a good time. I got involuntarily transferred to a different position at work (different building, different hours) so I never see them anymore. We've met up a couple of times in the past few years, but it's much more difficult with me on a different schedule.
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 21, 2018 10:59:46 GMT -5
I would like to do more traveling here in the USA. For many years I traveled all over the US as a part of my work and I saw a lot of the less visited wonders the US has too offer. My X and I were always on the way to or back from somewhere. But I haven't traveled since my marriage ended 3 yrs. ago, mostly because I haven't had someone I thought I would want to have along. I'm thinking if that doesn't change I am just going to park my butt on my Harley and head out alone.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2018 11:56:46 GMT -5
I would like to spend more time making furniture. Early in my married life, I made much of the nice furniture in our home because we couldn't afford to buy any. Dining room table, end tables, some big shelving units. I'd like to get back to that.
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Post by isthisit on Dec 21, 2018 12:16:45 GMT -5
Another great question SK. I would like more (ie any) time to myself. Aside from the commute to work in my car I am always around someone or ‘on duty’ for something. I have recently started some individual counselling and gained a lot of perspective from it. One of the outcomes is that I have realised that I have an unconscious drive to meet the needs of others and make their life okay. This is a lovely thing (for them) but I would be better to remember to factor myself in too. As a result I have told (not suggested, asked, postulated) my family that I will be taking a holiday on my own this year. Usually I go with a range of people who need me to travel with them- but this time it will all be about me. (I am thinking motorbike along the Vietnam coast- so not tame.) They were a bit stunned, couldn’t comprehend it and have decided that I am possibly unwell. In addition, I will be carving out time through the week for myself to begin new interests, return to old interests and continue the voluntary work I already participate in. Feels like starting my new life.
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Post by Handy on Dec 21, 2018 13:11:09 GMT -5
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Post by isthisit on Dec 21, 2018 13:36:36 GMT -5
Thanks Handy I will take a look at those links. I have been twice but ‘on duty’ for variety of people important to me, and looked longingly at those ‘free’ to just be themselves. I can’t actually ride a motorbike right now- so that’s an aim for the new year. My family are thinking of bringing in our GP as I have referred to motorbikes as ‘donorcycles’ for years. Time to live a bit.
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Post by Handy on Dec 21, 2018 13:58:46 GMT -5
Sylvia Halpern had an electrified (pedal assist) recumbent trike. Not this brand but something a little better. She also toured a lot in the USA on her trike, sometimes without the electric assist and sometimes with electric assist. One point I wanted to make is she did it alone which is not for everyone. I am not advising anyone do what she did alone because it could have some nasty hazards.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 21, 2018 14:46:42 GMT -5
Another great question SK. I would like more (ie any) time to myself. Aside from the commute to work in my car I am always around someone or ‘on duty’ for something. I have recently started some individual counselling and gained a lot of perspective from it. One of the outcomes is that I have realised that I have an unconscious drive to meet the needs of others and make their life okay. This is a lovely thing (for them) but I would be better to remember to factor myself in too. As a result I have told (not suggested, asked, postulated) my family that I will be taking a holiday on my own this year. Usually I go with a range of people who need me to travel with them- but this time it will all be about me. (I am thinking motorbike along the Vietnam coast- so not tame.) They were a bit stunned, couldn’t comprehend it and have decided that I am possibly unwell. In addition, I will be carving out time through the week for myself to begin new interests, return to old interests and continue the voluntary work I already participate in. Feels like starting my new life. Good for you! I’m planning on some solo trips in 2019 as well. I don’t think my h quite believed me when I told him, tho. Since I’m trying to keep the status quo during the Holidays, I fear he has decided that I’m ok with life the way it is and am no longer trying to leave. Those are the consequences of threatening to leave too many times and not following through. I’ll have a challenging January, for sure!
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Post by isthisit on Dec 21, 2018 15:54:04 GMT -5
Thanks sadkat I hope your trips give you some headspace and liberty. In many ways these changes (for both of us) communicates a desire for freedom and independence from our H’s which goes beyond words. To quote the suffragettes ‘deeds not words’ !
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Post by carl on Dec 21, 2018 18:22:04 GMT -5
Another great question SK. I would like more (ie any) time to myself. Aside from the commute to work in my car I am always around someone or ‘on duty’ for something. I have recently started some individual counselling and gained a lot of perspective from it. One of the outcomes is that I have realised that I have an unconscious drive to meet the needs of others and make their life okay. This is a lovely thing (for them) but I would be better to remember to factor myself in too. As a result I have told (not suggested, asked, postulated) my family that I will be taking a holiday on my own this year. Usually I go with a range of people who need me to travel with them- but this time it will all be about me. (I am thinking motorbike along the Vietnam coast- so not tame.) They were a bit stunned, couldn’t comprehend it and have decided that I am possibly unwell. In addition, I will be carving out time through the week for myself to begin new interests, return to old interests and continue the voluntary work I already participate in. Feels like starting my new life. I love what you said about the commute in your car. I’d like more time to myself too. Feels like I have demands from family 24/7. Think when I do get some time to myself I always make a rule in my head that if I do something It must benefit my family in some way too. ie like I would fix up some stuff or clear something out so although it was time to myself it also benefited my family. But a motorbike/touring/racing or some wind surfing or skiing again that would more of an aspiration or a dream.
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Post by isthisit on Dec 22, 2018 16:59:51 GMT -5
sadkat you are totally allowed a weekend off, but I thought that you would like to know that I have missed your question today. You have introduced some inspired questions thus far, and I enjoy all of the responses. I hope you are enjoying yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2018 17:33:33 GMT -5
sadkat you are totally allowed a weekend off, but I thought that you would like to know that I have missed your question today. You have introduced some inspired questions thus far, and I enjoy all of the responses. I hope you are enjoying yourself. I agree isthisit ... Not to step on toes and I hope I'm not out of line as the new gal here, but I'd like to propose a QOTD today in sadkat's absence. Along the lines of baza's thread indicating we all basically needed to get out own shit together and are not able to evoke change from our refusers, I'd like to ask: What is one (or more) thing(s) you can do daily to make yourself feel better about you, your own sense of importance and self-esteem? What can you do differently to feel less like a victim in your SM or feel unwanted and undesired? Think about it. There are plenty of things we do have control over and can do to feel better about our own selves. I workout and try to take care of myself. I recently joined WW to try and drop these few extra pounds. I read empowering books and journals and uplifting music. I also have a wonderful support circle around me to help me counter my negative thoughts.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 22, 2018 18:11:55 GMT -5
@whynotm3- You are definitely not stepping on any toes here! Please feel free to ask any questions you’d like. I’ll be back with my QOD on Wednesday. In the meantime, you are welcome to take the lead here!
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Post by sadkat on Dec 22, 2018 18:16:32 GMT -5
sadkat you are totally allowed a weekend off, but I thought that you would like to know that I have missed your question today. You have introduced some inspired questions thus far, and I enjoy all of the responses. I hope you are enjoying yourself. Thank you, isthisit. I’m actually taking the Holiday off so I’ll be back asking my next question on Wednesday. I hope you have a wonderful Holiday!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2018 18:19:19 GMT -5
@whynotm3- You are definitely not stepping on any toes here! Please feel free to ask any questions you’d like. I’ll be back with my QOD on Wednesday. In the meantime, you are welcome to take the lead here! Enjoy your holiday, sadkat!! 🙂
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