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Post by isthisit on Dec 20, 2018 12:52:54 GMT -5
Question for today- I’ve read a lot lately about kissing and how it is the first casualty in a long term relationship. Why do you think that is? If you had the opportunity to kiss again, how would you make sure you kept it in your relationship long term? I have no answers for this one. It’s been so long since I’ve been truly and thoroughly kissed that I’d rather sit this one out and see what the rest of you think. Sadkat, I don’t really understand why kissing vanished in my current relationship, so it’s tricky to know where to start with how I could do things differently next time. However, in the future I not be confined in a relationship the way I am just now as I would not wish to have more children. It may sound shallow and harsh but if future relationships become unsatisfactory in terms of intimacy I would not hesitate to move on. I have lost enough already.
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 20, 2018 13:37:29 GMT -5
I’ve read a lot lately about kissing and how it is the first casualty in a long term relationship. Why do you think that is? Talking out my ass here because my last makeout session was pre-wife, but I’m going to suggest that really passionate kissing is actually more “intimate” than any other activity. Yes, sex acts are amazing, sensual, special, etc., but when you’re nose to nose kissing someone, sharing breaths... I don’t think you can be more intimate than that. I think that as things erode, that level of intimacy could be lost most easily. It’s not an activity that’s so easily done with a detached or selfish attitude.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 14:06:49 GMT -5
My husband has never been a big kisser. I get daily morning / g'nite / welcome home kisses, but never any makeout sessions. I concur that he may not want to risk "starting something he can't/won't finish, so would avoid that to avoid leading me on, and also agree there's something far more passionate about a real, true, hot kiss. Kissing will definitely get me going (not that I need any help in that department! lol!) more than pretty much anything. It's definitely something lacking in my current SM.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 20, 2018 14:38:43 GMT -5
Question for today- I’ve read a lot lately about kissing and how it is the first casualty in a long term relationship. Why do you think that is? If you had the opportunity to kiss again, how would you make sure you kept it in your relationship long term? I have no answers for this one. It’s been so long since I’ve been truly and thoroughly kissed that I’d rather sit this one out and see what the rest of you think. Sadkat, I don’t really understand why kissing vanished in my current relationship, so it’s tricky to know where to start with how I could do things differently next time. However, in the future I not be confined in a relationship the way I am just now as I would not wish to have more children. It may sound shallow and harsh but if future relationships become unsatisfactory in terms of intimacy I would not hesitate to move on. I have lost enough already. That’s just it, though- don’t we play an important part in keeping the intimacy in our relationship? Shouldn’t we also learn from our mistakes and find ways to make sure we don’t lose what’s important to us when it comes to sex and intimacy with our partners? We have to stop taking things for granted. If I had to guess, kissing stops when we get so used to our partners that kissing them becomes less of a priority. How can WE keep it front and center in our relationships? But, I agree- if our partners don’t meet us halfway, we should move one.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 20, 2018 14:42:43 GMT -5
I’ve read a lot lately about kissing and how it is the first casualty in a long term relationship. Why do you think that is? Talking out my ass here because my last makeout session was pre-wife, but I’m going to suggest that really passionate kissing is actually more “intimate” than any other activity. Yes, sex acts are amazing, sensual, special, etc., but when you’re nose to nose kissing someone, sharing breaths... I don’t think you can be more intimate than that. I think that as things erode, that level of intimacy could be lost most easily. It’s not an activity that’s so easily done with a detached or selfish attitude. Yes- I agree that passionate kissing is very intimate. So, by extension, when kissing stops, the intimacy declines as well. Just goes to show how very important kissing is, doesn’t it?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 14:47:22 GMT -5
In the swinging realm, there are a lot of couples who have a 'no kissing' rule. You may fuck (finger/oral/spank/lick) my husband/wife, but you are not allowed to kiss them. I think that speaks volumes on the importance and intimacy of kissing.
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Post by Handy on Dec 20, 2018 14:51:25 GMT -5
I read that having sex at the "Bunny Ranch" is almost no limits BUT kissing is NOT allowed. For people not familiar the "Bunny Ranch" is a brothel in the state of Nevada, use where prostitution is legal.
So, maybe there is more emotional stuff(involves more commitment or what ever) with kissing than straight up sex.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 15:02:41 GMT -5
Sadkat, I don’t really understand why kissing vanished in my current relationship, so it’s tricky to know where to start with how I could do things differently next time. However, in the future I not be confined in a relationship the way I am just now as I would not wish to have more children. It may sound shallow and harsh but if future relationships become unsatisfactory in terms of intimacy I would not hesitate to move on. I have lost enough already. That’s just it, though- don’t we play an important part in keeping the intimacy in our relationship? Shouldn’t we also learn from our mistakes and find ways to make sure we don’t lose what’s important to us when it comes to sex and intimacy with our partners? We have to stop taking things for granted. If I had to guess, kissing stops when we get so used to our partners that kissing them becomes less of a priority. How can WE keep it front and center in our relationships? But, I agree- if our partners don’t meet us halfway, we should move one. I agree we play a part in keeping the spark alive. I know I tend to shut down over time from all the rejections. At present, I'm trying to find a way to start fresh, clean slate, and move forward toward my husband from a place of love and not fear. If left untended, the whole thing would crash and burn or, more likely, stay status quo since my husband seems quite content as things are. I will say again, only I know what I really want and only I will be disappointed if I don't get it. As such, I MUST make the effort and attempts, even if it seems fruitless. If nothing changes, then at least I will know I did ALL I could when it's time to pull the plug on the relationship.
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Post by flounder on Dec 20, 2018 19:00:27 GMT -5
I lost a bet.
Sounds bad,I know.
I was at a bar,going over a set list with the drummer of my band when she and her roommate walked in. They sat down and ordered drinks,and it wasn’t long before the vultures began circling. One guy sat down and it became quite apparent that neither of the girls wanted his company. My buddy and I walked over and nonchalantly sat down and begin to strike up a conversation. The guy must have thought they were our dates,so he took off. The girls were so relieved they offered to buy our drinks. We brushed it off,went back to the bar and began our set list discussion again. My buddy had met a girl a week before at a bar after one of our gigs,and we had really been giving him a hard time about her. He was clearly into her,and she was into him,but he would not call her. He said he would if I asked that blonde chick at the table for her number.
I pondered this over a pint or 3. She is pretty hot.(and still is)
“Deal”,I said. He walked out into the lobby,took out his phone and made the call. After about 10 minutes he walked in and said he had set up a date for the next night. My turn. I walked over to the table,reintroduced myself and laid it on as thick as possible. After securing the digits,I walked smugly back to my pint and said,”got her number.” “I’ll call her tomorrow.” My buddy looked at me and said,”When I went out to use my phone,I really just called my brother.”
That was 17 years ago.
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Post by nyctos on Dec 20, 2018 20:12:04 GMT -5
W never really liked kissing. I didn't really find that out until a few years into our marriage, when she not only stopped kissing me with passion, but whenever she did kiss me she would make a joke of it, either blowing into my mouth or biting my lip (no, decidedly NOT in a suggestive way), or "raspberrying".
It was only a couple of years ago she just came straight out and said she didn't like kissing and maintained that I always knew that. He's hardly the first time I've experienced revisionist history.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 20, 2018 21:35:40 GMT -5
Kissing was actually something my ex was good at. I think she enjoyed it. She did like PDAs, and kissing was part of that. Maybe it was just an image thing to her. Imagine having a good looking spouse that keeps that up for all to see then, once home, nothing.
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Post by flounder on Dec 20, 2018 22:05:19 GMT -5
Kissing was actually something my ex was good at. I think she enjoyed it. She did like PDAs, and kissing was part of that. Maybe it was just an image thing to her. Imagine having a good looking spouse that keeps that up for all to see then, once home, nothing. Know it all to well. My dog gives me more kisses than my wife.
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Post by h on Dec 20, 2018 22:10:50 GMT -5
Question for today- I’ve read a lot lately about kissing and how it is the first casualty in a long term relationship. Why do you think that is? If you had the opportunity to kiss again, how would you make sure you kept it in your relationship long term? I have no answers for this one. It’s been so long since I’ve been truly and thoroughly kissed that I’d rather sit this one out and see what the rest of you think. My W and I kissed all the time before we got married and for the first couple months of our marriage. Once it became clear that we weren't going to be having a sex life, the kissing faded into just the simple pecks for hello, goodbye, and goodnight. For me, the kissing was the replacement to sex before marriage and I was enjoying it because it was an anticipation for the sex that was supposed to be in my future. There just didn't seem like a point to kissing anymore once the prospect of sex was gone. At the time, we didn't say anything about it, but both of us stopped initiating any passionate kisses. I think that she assumed kissing would be enough of a substitute since it was before marriage. It was only frustrating to me and I was glad at the time that it stopped. Sometime in the last year, in one of our arguments, my W brought up me withdrawing from her and not kissing her like I used to. I told her that if she wasn't going to have sex with me then I didn't want her to touch me at all. No hand on my leg in the car. No touching my butt in passing. Nothing more than holding hands and maybe a hug, and kissing would be no more than the simple pecks. Anything beyond that, without the expectation of sex in the immediate future, only frustrated me more and doing so would be seen by me as her intentionally trying to hurt me. We haven't kissed passionately since except during sex.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 21, 2018 9:12:37 GMT -5
Kissing was actually something my ex was good at. I think she enjoyed it. She did like PDAs, and kissing was part of that. Maybe it was just an image thing to her. Imagine having a good looking spouse that keeps that up for all to see then, once home, nothing. I am completely flummoxed about this. I have no words. You definitely are better off without her.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 21, 2018 9:23:56 GMT -5
Question for today- What would you like to do more of in your life but don’t? Why don’t you? (Try to think of something outside of our basic ILIASM deficits).
I want to volunteer more. There are numerous reasons I don’t- all are not very good reasons. I think one of the main reasons is I want to find something I’m passionate about and have not taken the time to do the research.
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