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Post by Handy on Nov 23, 2018 0:39:52 GMT -5
I listened to several of Jordan Peterson's videos and he comes up with several ideas that are worth hearing regarding long term female and male relationships. There is one video that states females assault males more (frequency wise) than males assault females but the females inflict much less physical damage than the males. GC was eluding to this and Jordan said it is true.
If you have time take a look at his other videos.
The BEST relationship advice EVER - Jordan Peterson
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Post by shamwow on Nov 23, 2018 15:41:25 GMT -5
Maybe I'm old fashioned but it seems to me the best relationship is where nobody assaults each other. Ever.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 23, 2018 17:38:15 GMT -5
"I am encountering this going back into the dating field at a meetup group.. That person sat next to me, that person put their arms out to say hello to me, that person asked "what's new with you? haven't seen you in a long time?" Now it's up to me to react. Will my reaction be exactly what they want from me? Maybe, maybe not. Will I know if my reaction was correct? Maybe, maybe not? '
What is a "correct" reaction? I think you're overthinking this. There is no one correct answer. It's not the Inquisition. The person made an effort to connect and saying something that tells her something about yourself is doing something correct.
Obviously, insulting her would be incorrect. You know that. Also, saying, "nothing" is incorrect because she's trying to establish a connection, and to do that, you have to say something that tells a little of yourself and gives a "hook" for a conversation. Nothing stalls a conversation more than a person saying they haven't been doing anything.
So, "I have been enjoying doing xxxx'" or "just got over a cold and am glad I feel better" or "am thinking about checking out xxxx" or "am trying to figure out what to get my kids for Xmas," -- virtually anything that shares a bit about yourself is good.
And, unless you're talking to a very good friend, t would not be a good idea to say something like, "I've been having a lot of hassles with my manipulative, narcissitic ex".
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Post by solodriver on Nov 23, 2018 19:37:18 GMT -5
"I've been having a lot of hassles with my manipulative, narcissitic ex".
NSM that made me laugh. Reminded me of Jim Carry in "Liar, Liar"
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Post by Handy on Nov 23, 2018 22:03:20 GMT -5
shamwow, I was concentrating more on what to do to make the relationship better.
There is a John Gottman principle. that is called the “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.
Many people need to learn what NOT to do and the video outlines that idea.
Part of the reason I posted the video is because ILIASM has a fair amount of "stayers" and the video might help the stayers. Stayers get verbal crap thrown at them so I hope the video helps someone.
In good relationships, it is easier to co-exist.
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Post by h on Nov 27, 2018 11:24:11 GMT -5
Maybe I'm old fashioned but it seems to me the best relationship is where nobody assaults each other. Ever. That's a nice starting point, but my W and I never assaulted each other either and yet here I am. Just "not assaulting each other" isn't really enough. |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 27, 2018 16:43:55 GMT -5
Maybe I'm old fashioned but it seems to me the best relationship is where nobody assaults each other. Ever. That's a nice starting point, but my W and I never assaulted each other either and yet here I am. Just "not assaulting each other" isn't really enough. Well I was listing some minimal requirements lol |
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Post by elkclan2 on Nov 29, 2018 8:22:58 GMT -5
It won't surprise you that I think Jordan Peterson is generally full of crap, but he's not wrong here. This seems to be from an era before he switched to cultivating a misogynist fan base - so it seems like he was nicer guy before he switched to the all beef diet. This video boils down to be careful how you punish bad behaviour, reward good behaviour, don't escalate arguments prematurely leaving your partner no place to go and spend time with each other in a positive way. Not bad advice.
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Post by Handy on Nov 29, 2018 11:36:45 GMT -5
This was my first encounter with Jordan Peterson so I don't know his older or newer philosophies. He seemed to have several speaking engagements, so some people like or liked him.
Elkclan2, I didn't know he attracted a misogynist fan base. Knowing that I will be more selective about following his advice.
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