Alienated parents.

Yes you are right, it is much more diverse than described in this article. I have read several other articles and stories about it. Especially when it comes to visitation laws and rights. Even my attorneys initial thoughts of a "parenting plan" seemed hectic, un-even, and crazy. I presented my own plan and fortunately it was accepted.

My alienation comes from my older sons,  out of H.S. , still living with my ex.

A parental alienation counselor? Never even knew they existed! Although I know how often it occurs.

Tha "available" and the "powerless" part of this article seemed to hit home for me and you tamara68. It's great to hear fro you!

Part of the alienation process: This involves the occurrence of the mistake, flaw or failure on the part of the alienated parent. This failure is capitalised in part by the narcissist or other alienating other as evidence of the rejected parent's inadequacy.

When I returned my 16 yr old daughter to her mother's home tonight, I saw a large, grey, round object by the curb. I asked my daughter, "what is that?" She told me, "that's the big plastic pool sand filter".
She then went on to say," mom says that it was dad's responsibility to clean the sand and replace it in the filter, and he didn't do that". She then asked me " did you know anything about that?"
I responded, honestly and quickly, " No, I had no idea, about it." She seemed glad to hear that.
She then went on to say" I thought so. Mom went on to say, your dad was responsible for taking care of the house while I brought home the money, and he didn't do that, your dad's responsible for that breaking" (I've been gone 8 months now).
It was getting late and she needed to go to bed. We said goodnight.

On the way home my mind was flooded with memories of how my then 'STBX' cut off all the funding, but still expected me to "take care of the house". That included chlorine for the pool, vacuuming the pool, skimming, and sweeping the pool, emptying the leaf filters, etc.. I continued to do all those things, except buy chlorine for the pool. My STBX refused to spend the money on it (grandpa failed to come to her rescue) the pool got dirtier and dirtier. I also remember my STBX refusing to want to pay the pool cleaning service anymore, all her decisions.The pool cleaning service would have informed us about cleaning/replacing the sand, if it needed it .

I had some knowledge and little experience with a sand filter, it was purchased shortly before the divorce. A sand filter needs the sand replaced every 5 yrs, or can last up to 20 yrs.   I had over a decade of constantly cleaning our old filter cartridges monthly. ( how easily my ex conveniently forgets all that-my kids remember, because I taught them how to do it. For the day when they have their own) Closer and closer to the end of the divorce when it was finally clear who was keeping the house, my teens easily understood my lack of no longer investing my time and what little money I had into the house.

I remember my daughter telling me, " Mom was telling us about all the things you where no longer doing around the house, and I (my daughter) thought why should he? He knows it is no longer going to be his, and those things will belong to her".

All that said to show an example of one parent trying to show the kids the other parents inadequacies, flaws, or failures.

I agree workingonit. Now that my STBX and I are divorcing I find myself sometimes having to swallow my pride to talk to my son positively about his Dad. I want them to have a relationship. It does none of us any good to be nasty, in fact I think it’s harmful to the child causing confusion and conflict that they don’t need. It’s incredibly selfish when a co-parent cannot get beyond their own shit in order to put the child’s best interests first.

Maybe I'm naive, but I believe it is possible to teach the kids to be respectful to the other parent without teaching them to be doormats or that the other parent is necessarily correct.

My kids have had some very major arguments with my wife when she was at her most irrational. I'm extraordinarily proud that they could stand up for themselves while maintaining their respectful tone. They did a better job than I did.

I am thinking about getting out of a toxic relationship generally here Sister tamara68 .

Such as I was in, such as you were in, such as many of the members were in, such as many of the members remain in in respect to our ILIASM deals.

It is bloody hard to see that a relationship is toxic, harder still to bust of of one.

As I recall it took you a couple of years to bust out of your ILIASM deal Sister tamara68 .
Took me years too.
Most members in here (who have left their ILIASM deal) took at least a couple of years to go through the process.
It is no short term thing.

Your daughter will be finding it no less difficult than you did to bring her relationship with her father to resolution than you did when you were off loading him as a husband.

What your daughter has got going for her (and what you did NOT have going for you at the time) is a soft place to land - if she wants to get out of this relationship with her father. That soft place being you.
And really, keeping your door open for your daughter is all you can do.
The choice of whether she avails herself of this opportunity is entirely her call....

I believe personally, that your daughter will see sense sooner or later Sister tamara68 .
Just like you did, I did, various members did in respect to their particular dysfunctional relationships.
But there is nothing you (or I - or anyone else) can do to make the choice for someone else.

You're a good person in a very difficult position Sister tamara68 .
All you can do is hold open your end of the relationship with your daughter.
What (and when) your daughter does with her end of the relationship is entirely out of your control.