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Post by MarianCali on Nov 21, 2018 13:14:17 GMT -5
In the staying world (which I am FOR NOW but I hope only briefly) I have recently found my friends to be such an amzing source of support. For many years I did not tell them or anyone. Two years ago I began to talk about it in therapy (which I had started because of my son). After that I told my best friend. My life changed. You know how in 12 step addicts need to admit they have a problem? Telling loved ones about my SM felt like that- like finally admitting and facing my problems. My friends have helped me think through my options. They believe in me, help build me up, laugh at the absurdities with me. They help me dream of a future without my h. They tell me I am beautiful and will have no problem finding a man if/when I leave. Last week my only close male friend (who is also my h's closest local friend) opened up to me that he is very angry with my h. He said "no matter what I can never forgive him for neglecting you. You deserve so much more." It meant the world to me. Have you told the people in your life? Do they make staying easier? How can you get the emotional support you need while you are staying in your SM? Yes, I have told my sister, cousin and close friends. Some of my friends want me to leave him (plus they don't like him) and others are very supportive and understand my situation. Two of my friends are crazy and try to hook me up with other people. They never judge me and are always there for me. None of them would tell him anything and are there for me even if they don't agree with what I'm doing. It is great to be able to talk with people about my issues and fears. Most of my friends have divorced or split from their long term partners. We are the only couple still together in our group of friends which is pretty crazy because out of 7 couples we are the only ones to make it (if thats what you want to call it). Before kids we used to all hang out together, then after kids we still did but that is when people started splitting up. I'm still friends with all of the females and we hang out with and without kids but the males have all gone there separate ways. I've started last year to really gain support from my friends and having a separate life outside of being a mom and wife. It has been very helpful. I'm learning who I am again. Next year I will be taking up some interesting classes too. I'm going to try pole dancing, yoga, sewing, glass blowing and some others workshops I've found. This forum has also been a great help to me as I try to figure out what I'm doing. Right now I'm staying working on myself. I'm not sure about the future but hope to be happy with whatever I decide. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2018 20:56:31 GMT -5
I never told anyone that I have known IRL.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Nov 24, 2018 11:30:12 GMT -5
I told a couple of friends once it got near the end of my marriage. I told my parents and sister while in the middle of the process. No one had any idea there was a problem; I guess we hid it well. I have told others since the divorce, but couch it in "we lived like roommates."
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