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Post by saarinista on Nov 21, 2018 6:15:43 GMT -5
@ handy look if you meet someone who wamts to have sex, theyll slap on whatever cream or lube they can find and suck up the discomfort. thats my view.
you might not be able to go at it quite as vigorously as you might hope, but as far as I'm concerned, the pain of sexlessness is worse than any pain from an aging vagina. and yes, there are things people can do sexually other than piv sex. but you have to get creative about it and yes, maybe be willing to have a but of discomfort.
if it's pleasant for at least one person, i tnink the other person should try. that's just me.
the lube i tried was called replens. but its lube, not a hormone that will restore the elasticity of the vagina. still lube is better than nothing.
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Post by Handy on Nov 21, 2018 12:05:53 GMT -5
saarinista the lube i tried was called replens. but its lube, not a hormone that will restore the elasticity of the vagina.
I will look into the Replends. I see it on the store shelf. One of my problems was most things I suggest to my W in the PAST she would tell me I am a man and shouldn't be giving a woman advice about her anatomy.
It is like most situations, the person with the issue has to come up with things they think will work and they have to have enough "trust" in the possible solution to feel good enough to try the suggestion.
Your stand on if you meet someone who wamts to have sex, theyll slap on whatever cream or lube they can find and suck up the discomfort. thats my view. is encouraging. That is the way it was when I met my GF/W, but things were a lot different then.
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jess
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Post by jess on Nov 25, 2018 2:48:54 GMT -5
Lovely thought Would have fulfilled the mission of keeping the families together You know I can't believe how much my mindset has changed on this stuff over the last 1.5 years. Why can't we just come up with alternative solutions to life problems as you suggested javba . Outside the box and societally sanctioned. As I keep thinking, recently the traditional institution of marriage does not necessarily meet the realities of today's life span and other stuff. I still believe marriage and monogamy are great ideas, but they certainly don't work out all the time for everyone for a variety of reasons. Sometimes divorce is the best answer. In other cases, divorce is highly problematic. I wish we could come up more outside the box solutions for those situations - either stopgap or permanent ones. it would be great if churches were more sex positive, too.
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jess
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Post by jess on Nov 25, 2018 3:02:58 GMT -5
I totally agree, I am turned completely off by church or religion until one of them addresses sexless marriages seriously and genuinely. I have invested years of my life in a loyal marriage and in faith and both leave me feeling like I give with nothing in return. No disrespect to anyone, please know that. I just strongly feel as though nothing will change unless those types of platforms are used to encourage marriages. Sweeping crap under the rug doesn't clean it up.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 25, 2018 17:50:01 GMT -5
I totally agree, I am turned completely off by church or religion until one of them addresses sexless marriages seriously and genuinely. I have invested years of my life in a loyal marriage and in faith and both leave me feeling like I give with nothing in return. No disrespect to anyone, please know that. I just strongly feel as though nothing will change unless those types of platforms are used to encourage marriages. Sweeping crap under the rug doesn't clean it up. I am from a similar place. I feel like God understands, even if nobody else did. I did have one friend whose pastor did address it, and told his wife she needed to service her husband. My wife walked out of a church like that never to return when we were looking for a new church home. I Cor 7:5 lays out the duties of a spouse, but, truthfully, if you have to beat your spouse over the head with scripture it is never going to be the hot passionate sex you really want.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 25, 2018 18:05:11 GMT -5
I should also mention, as long as we are on the religious tangent, early this morning I had a talk with a man that was devoutly Christian and determined to love his wife no matter what. I tried digging to see if he knew the cause. When I asked if she was suppressing lesbian tendencies, he first responded with a violent threat then blocked me. I had no intention of insulting him. So, there we go. With attitudes like that, his wife will never admit the truth to him even if she ever admits it to herself. She will suffer, and he will suffer in misery all while believing he is doing God's will. I believe nothing could be further from the truth. It is not God's will, and no good can come of that.
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Post by baza on Nov 25, 2018 19:47:41 GMT -5
Not liking sex (or for that matter, liking sex a lot) is not a crime.
Where the problems arise is in the lying about it.
A couple of examples. #1 - a person who doesn't like sex pretending that they do, then turning it off once the mission (say, to get married and tap into the marital resources) is complete.
#2 - a person who likes sex pretending to be 'meh' about sex to complete the mission (say, to get married and tap into the marital resources) then conducting a series of affairs or indulging in marital rape.
There's nothing wrong with not being keen on sex (or being very keen on it)
It is the not being upfront about it - lying about it - where the problems come in.
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