"And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here."
YES that's exactly what it is supposed to be. I finally woke up to that this summer. My plan is next year at this time to be in a different place and hopefully with some intimacy and love again.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
This upset me so much I couldn't reply immediately. My son - as yet - hasn't had any kind of issues like this and I hope he never does. But from his infancy I was alone. I can remember my ex making big drama about refusing to help me out with stuff that needed to be done that was literally the work of a minute or two - things I was doing to keep the house from falling into disrepair that I was doing on my own that i sometimes just needed a quick second pair of hands with.
They refuse sex, but they refuse basic stuff, too.
Now I think what you are asking your h to do is a BIG ASK. No more than what he should be doing and shouldn't even have to be asked to do for his own son. I think it's incredibly telling that he thinks his son is trying to come between you two - deliberately! But I bet if you look back your h has refused to do a lot of basic stuff, too. Stuff it wouldn't have cost him much emotional or physical effort. They refuse because they think everything is a zero sum game - anything they give is taking away from them. How utterly selfish.
I know right now you think you can't manage on your own, but I wonder how much extra emotional energy you're having to expend on his failure to meet reasonable expectations.
Life is just f*ing hard. There is so much craziness in this world.so much beauty too but it is kind of a tragic beauty when you really dig in.
And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here.
I think if you find that you are doing pretty good. Hang onto it
Sister elkclan2 makes a crucial point. You Sister workingonit , have got 3 different problems going. 1 - is the day to day problems of life we all have to deal with. 2 - is the additional problem of managing your kids issue as best you can. 3 - is the dead weight of a non-contributing spouse.
I can't help but think that if you off loaded the dead weight problem, the energy and emotional resources thus freed up, and directed at the kids problem and the day to day problems, might be handled a great deal 'easier' in relative terms.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken!
Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers.
Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice
Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5
Handy: What happened to being light outside until 9:30 PM? It is 7:30 PM and dark now.
Sept 20, 2020 20:46:01 GMT -5
jerri: It's not hot there? I am getting a slight break from the heat! Cheer up buddy!
Sept 21, 2020 0:27:37 GMT -5
petrushka: Well WE are getting closer to summer. Just passed Equinox. I expect the solar panels will start paying for themselves again in the near future. (over the last few months they have merely mitigated the power bills).
Sept 21, 2020 21:00:36 GMT -5
wewbwb: jerri the average intelligence of the end posts rose greatly since I stopped posting ! Hope allis well!
Sept 26, 2020 7:29:23 GMT -5
jerri: Don't be too busy to post. Come back, wewbwb! 💜
Sept 26, 2020 20:12:33 GMT -5
Handy: Jerri, you bring intelligence, so stop that nonsense.
Sept 26, 2020 20:19:03 GMT -5