Post by javba on Sept 11, 2018 16:40:04 GMT -5
I am writing to share thoughts and understand feedback from my cohort of peeps in similar situations.
Acceptance as base for change - is a theory where you cannot change something unless you accept that - it has been applied to other's behaviors, and your own behaviors. It is rooted in "ownership" and working "together" to change an unwanted behavior.
Forgiveness - we all know well - However in context of healing/ and getting better it has to do with "letting go of all the negative energy" in this instance towards our refusers because we can use that energy to do better in our own lives. We can start understanding how things do not change because "we're so frustrated" - we're spinning our wheels there. So forgiveness is forgiveness to them and to ourselves i.e. I will not punish myself anymore with things that I feel - things that hurt me - nights that I have suffered. Emotions that were not reciprocated - Used as I was for other objectives ETC.
I had read a post here from a LL (low libido) woman - I do not recall who but some of you would. She had wrote (she was in separation or divorce). She was happy that her torment was over and she could move on without being burdened by the expectation of performance and meeting the needs of her partner which she did not appear to be able to. That was a touching post helping me move on to a deeper level of forgiveness, I was not resentful anymore. I had let go earlier (bout 5 - 7 years) (thank gods for bad memory - it also dulls painful recollections)
QUESTION: Does acceptance mean - suffering till the bitter end, as we age, take care of our responsibilities and consider a life lived with a hollow emptiness - even if we've forgiven our partners, and accepted them for where THEY are on their low libido. Does that mean we'll have to suffer forever. To me the answer is a RESOUNDING NO. However here's where each of us have to decide. Can we HEAL "alone" without balancing this?
To borrow from someone on a different forum "do not be afraid to take chances - be afraid NOT to take chances" - IF you can AFFORD (my words)
Thanks for Reading this far :-) END
Acceptance as base for change - is a theory where you cannot change something unless you accept that - it has been applied to other's behaviors, and your own behaviors. It is rooted in "ownership" and working "together" to change an unwanted behavior.
Forgiveness - we all know well - However in context of healing/ and getting better it has to do with "letting go of all the negative energy" in this instance towards our refusers because we can use that energy to do better in our own lives. We can start understanding how things do not change because "we're so frustrated" - we're spinning our wheels there. So forgiveness is forgiveness to them and to ourselves i.e. I will not punish myself anymore with things that I feel - things that hurt me - nights that I have suffered. Emotions that were not reciprocated - Used as I was for other objectives ETC.
I had read a post here from a LL (low libido) woman - I do not recall who but some of you would. She had wrote (she was in separation or divorce). She was happy that her torment was over and she could move on without being burdened by the expectation of performance and meeting the needs of her partner which she did not appear to be able to. That was a touching post helping me move on to a deeper level of forgiveness, I was not resentful anymore. I had let go earlier (bout 5 - 7 years) (thank gods for bad memory - it also dulls painful recollections)
QUESTION: Does acceptance mean - suffering till the bitter end, as we age, take care of our responsibilities and consider a life lived with a hollow emptiness - even if we've forgiven our partners, and accepted them for where THEY are on their low libido. Does that mean we'll have to suffer forever. To me the answer is a RESOUNDING NO. However here's where each of us have to decide. Can we HEAL "alone" without balancing this?
To borrow from someone on a different forum "do not be afraid to take chances - be afraid NOT to take chances" - IF you can AFFORD (my words)
Thanks for Reading this far :-) END