miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74 
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Mar 28, 2016 20:36:19 GMT -5
What can I say? I am a random thinker. That is not to say that I think randomly or only during random moments. I am very precise in my thoughts, but they sometimes do not relate well to each other at any one time. But I digress...
1. I am now cooking dinner with wine. And I am not wasting any of it on the food. I have been told that one should not drink and post. You be the judge of whether that applies to me in general, and this post in particular. I have been told that I am a "happy drinker" because I get even sillier when I am drinking wine. Not that it takes much encouragement. My wife, on the other hand, gets sleepy, quiet, and mean. What's that old saying? "A drunk man says what a sober man thinks." Meaning, there are no happy drunks or mean drunks, just happy or mean people who have a harder time hiding their true nature under the influence of alchohol.
2. My wife is once again out if town for a prolonged period. I have yet to receive any acknowledgement that I have done a stupendous job of being a single dad while my wife has been out of town frequently and for substantially long periods of time during the last six months. Having to take care of 2 businesses, and (more than 2, less than 6) children, homework assignments, teacher conferences, yada, yada, yada. I am particularly proud of the fact that I have cooked dinner for the kids every single night instead of takeout or fast food. Have I gotten any acknowledgement? To be fair, I suppose you have to count the ONE time she said "You've done a good job... (Wait for it) .... BUT!!!.... (Fill in your favorite minor, annoying, micromanaging detail here). Yes, there it is! The ever present BUT at the end of every kind word she delivers! And did I mention that she rarely cooks, almost always picking up take out for dinner when she is home?
3. Don't you just hate getting a compliment that is followed by "but..."?
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Post by unmatched on Mar 28, 2016 22:51:58 GMT -5
From your posts it reads as though your wife is mean, controlling, unsupportive and supremely uninterested in your emotional well-being. (I imagine that is not the whole picture, but...) And you are desperate for her to give you some acknowledgement, whether that is in the form of praise, touch, sex or whatever. It has been said before, once or twice or more, but being in a SM fucks with your head.
I would suggest that regardless of whether you are going to stay together or split up, and regardless of whether your sex life is recoverable or not, you are only going to create any movement for your relationship and for your own life as you start to build up your own independence and self-reliance. When you are proud of being a fantastic dad, just because you ARE, and you did what you set out to do, and you know beyond doubt that you are a good, kind, effective, powerful, generally fucking AWESOME person all by yourself regardless of what anybody else thinks. At that point you can look at your relationship and make a reasonably objective decision on what you want to do about it. And at that point you will likely also have some better options.
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Mar 28, 2016 23:19:09 GMT -5
Thanks, unmatched. That is the nicest thing I've heard from anyone in a very long time.
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Post by unmatched on Mar 28, 2016 23:23:21 GMT -5
Then you definitely need to get out more  I don't care how strong or resilient or practical you are, if you spend your whole life surrounded by negativity then given enough time you are going to turn into an insecure emotional wreck. Guaranteed. |
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Mar 28, 2016 23:33:14 GMT -5
I have just been thinking the same exact thing. In fact, I just went to my ego room, dusted off the trophies, black belts, musical instruments, educational degrees, commendations, and medals. I've got to say that, yes, I have been effing dangerous and awesome in my life. I was a better man when I wasn't married. Going to see the lawyer as soon as I can get an appointment.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 29, 2016 2:52:03 GMT -5
I've got to say that, yes, I have been effing dangerous and awesome in my life. I was a better man when I wasn't married. Love this!! Mostly for the sentiment of recapturing old glory; realizing that there is a better "you" out there, just waiting to be set free again. You've already proven it's possible! Cheers, DC |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2016 7:56:12 GMT -5
3. Don't you just hate getting a compliment that is followed by "but..."? Oh my gosh, my STBX does this too! He literally never compliments me on anything without adding some comment that ruins it. My personal favorite is the compliment followed by the list of things I didn't manage to get done. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 29, 2016 8:48:46 GMT -5
I want to share a favorite quote with you, and a book about getting out there:
1) if you shoot for the stars and you miss, you land on the moon. If you aim for the top of the cow fence and you miss, well...you know what you land in!
2) "wild at Heart" Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge. You can find him on utube . The first 20 pages are powerful. If you are not a religious person, it is still filled with wisdom and encouragement, if you are, all the better.
I think it's good for women too. The author looks at both sides, and talks about what a women wants from her man. I have quoted some of it and been told " it is spot on!"
3) here comes a " me too" moment: when I come home from the grocery store every Sun. After filling two carts and buying for 9 people. Loading, unloading, repeat 3 times. I am then criticized for what I didn't buy and told to go to another store and get it. That lasted a very short time. I told the wife , " I buy all this, load and unload all this, remember all this, not a word of thanks from anyone, and you complain." No... Go do it yourself! When is the last time you bought groceries? When is the last time you even went with me? We used to do things together, remember? Her response..... Total silence. Now I don't run out and get those missed items anymore , if I have a chance later in the week fine, if not, oh well, no one has died.... Yet!
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Post by darktippedrose on Mar 29, 2016 17:28:38 GMT -5
the one compliment my husband gave to me, he never said to my face. He said it to my grandma. He said I was really good at research. Because I've been waiting my whole life to hear how good I am at google lol
my grandma thought i was being dramatic. hehe.
I just ignore it.
I quit doing so much for my husband because he could care less so I focus on the kidz and myself.
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Post by sand5280 on Mar 29, 2016 18:04:09 GMT -5
Having to take care of 2 businesses, and (more than 2, less than 6) children, homework assignments, teacher conferences, yada, yada, yada. I am particularly proud of the fact that I have cooked dinner for the kids every single night instead of takeout or fast food. Have I gotten any acknowledgement? To be fair, I suppose you have to count the ONE time she said "You've done a good job... (Wait for it) .... BUT!!!.... Sorry about repetition, I need to make sure I have my facts straight in my Always my Fault post? I think I did. No reply needed just checking. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 29, 2016 18:39:10 GMT -5
We call it butt face
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