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Post by baza on Aug 31, 2018 21:46:24 GMT -5
This is a poll for members who have left their ILIASM situation and been out at least a year.
It is a similar poll to one recently put up by @shynjdude ... but removes any reference to your gender, or any reference to your present relationship status (if any).
It is simpler, in as much as all it asks is if your life has been enhanced by getting out, or whether your life has been depleted by getting out.
Essentially, are you happier "out" than you were "in".
And feel free to leave a comment if you want.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 31, 2018 21:56:04 GMT -5
I am better. I’m divorced. I’m not celibate.
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Post by baza on Aug 31, 2018 22:01:46 GMT -5
I'm in a way better place.
Got out in late 2009.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 1, 2018 6:52:27 GMT -5
Definitely better. Sleeping better, not feeling so anxious, having more enjoyable sex( even sex with the X is better). I guess I was born to be single.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 1, 2018 8:03:03 GMT -5
Out 5 years. With the love of my life. Happier than when in my sm.. I got out when I realized I’d be lonelier remaining in a sm than divorcing and being permanently single. Finding love again was a surprise.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Sept 1, 2018 8:28:55 GMT -5
Divorced almost 5 years. Still single but in a way better place than when I was in my SM.
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Post by richfairy72 on Sept 1, 2018 19:39:03 GMT -5
Out 16 months. So much better. Still single. Had my heart broken but still a million times better than living with daily rejection and lack of love.
The fog has lifted and my health restored. Fab.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 5, 2018 20:25:34 GMT -5
Much better place. Out of the married house 24 months. Out, on paper, 18 months. Changed jobs, went back to college. WAY better work/life balance. Working on lack of romance/sex - which is work I was completely unable to do inside the SM. Way better place, for me.
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Post by Caris on Sept 6, 2018 14:50:08 GMT -5
I can’t give a definitive answer. It’s too complex to say one way or the other. It’s better in that I no longer have to deal with strife and hostility on a daily basis, and rejection, but much of what was good (my home, finances, pets, great health care, and my ex being alive, etc has been lost. It’s been one hell of a struggle to get to where I am now in my healing, and I’m glad that after 3-years, I’m doing better mentally and emotionally, but I’m changed by the whole experience, and life for me is very different than I could have ever imagined. I was terrified of growing old alone. To me that was like death, but here I am doing just that, and I’ve adjusted to the reality. Took years to accept (and doesn’t mean I like it), but it’s not the terror that it once was. Acceptance can be a very long process, but here I am.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 7, 2018 7:15:24 GMT -5
Would like to hear from the person whose life has gotten worse.
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Post by becca on Sept 7, 2018 8:41:03 GMT -5
This week marks 2 years since I moved out. I am rediscovering who I am and what I want. Almost immediately, after I left, I stopped gritting my teeth and began sleeping through the night again. The 5 years previous are a little bit of a blur at this point because I was putting so much energy into the facade that was my marriage. I will always love him because he is the father of my children but I am 10 times happier than I was back then! I am ME again. I love to sing and dance and laugh. And dammit, I am sexy. Haha. It has been fun embracing that side again too.  |
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Post by baza on Sept 7, 2018 22:20:17 GMT -5
Interesting to see that of the 11 people who have left a comment 2 are blokes, 7 are chicks.
You might deduce from that, that chicks are more likely to leave their ILIASM deal than blokes are...at a rate of nearly 4 to 1.
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Post by thebaffledking on Sept 8, 2018 3:57:51 GMT -5
I read somewhere, baza, that, in general, women are the divorce initiators over 70% of the time. I believe it is extraordinarily hard for a man to 'leave'......that's not what men do. They hang on until grim death visits them. I had my on vision of grim death and with my 3 kids all over 21 years old, I finally jumped out of the airplane........it was SO hard; totally against my middle-class midwest upbringing to be the initiator. Suspect I am not alone in feeling this way, even if it's subconscious.......it's a reasoning that we men need to look at very carefully. Who 'put that on us'? In other words, don't beat the living shit out of yourself just because society says 'men don't leave'. Better gone than dead, I always say (-:
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Post by shamwow on Sept 10, 2018 13:28:48 GMT -5
Interesting to see that of the 11 people who have left a comment 2 are blokes, 7 are chicks. You might deduce from that, that chicks are more likely to leave their ILIASM deal than blokes are...at a rate of nearly 4 to 1. I'm a bloke and I got the bloke out. |
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