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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 30, 2018 19:14:16 GMT -5
If you were very close to someone, and you’re now going to be spending a lot less time together, would you eventually forget them? And if so, how long would it take?
I’m being purposefully vague.
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Post by baza on Aug 30, 2018 19:26:00 GMT -5
I am blessed (sometimes cursed) with a pretty good memory.
I mention that as a disclaimer.
In this scenario above, I doubt that I would ever *forget* them altogether, but I would certainly think of them less often as time passed.
Example...
My ex (and now deceased) ex missus. I can't see myself ever forgetting her.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 30, 2018 19:28:51 GMT -5
That’s the thing; I have a memory like an elephant. It’s sad to me that this person will, I’m guessing, eventually no longer be close and may even become a virtual stranger someday.
It happened with my ex, after 7 years together.
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Post by WindSister on Aug 30, 2018 19:39:18 GMT -5
It sounds like an egoic issue causing undue suffering to me. Why do you need someone to "never forget you?" What if it didn't matter? There's freedom in the latter.
I'm not picking on you or trying to be cold. I also get it. Breakups hurt. But to feel bad because someone is not thinking about you means your focus is on something that disempowers you instead of empowers you.
Just my opinion. It's a forum, a question was asked, I replied. Not trying to bully. Take it or leave it. (Haha.. this will be my new disclaimer at the end of all my posts from now on...).
Oops... sorry... I'm not a man. Ignore my post. (Just re-read the title of your post).
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 30, 2018 19:41:35 GMT -5
It took me 30 years to get over my first love, my college boyfriend, whom I was with for 2 years. Now, we are friends on FB and I wonder what I saw in him. I even was in his city, a place where I used to live, and met there with friends whom I hadn't seen in as many as 30 years. My group of friends met a couple of miles from his house and I didn't invite him. Why? I've outgrown him. The guy I thought was so wonderful years ago no longer interests me. I don't even think he was attractive.
It took far less time for me to get over my other loves. As for my refuser ex, that was the easiest even though we were together for 36 years and I used to love him dearly. The last years of our marriage, my love faded away. I think of him like a friend, not a very close friend. My heart is not broken.
Broken hearts can mend. It just takes time. Virtually everyone who is at least 25 has had a broken heart yet people survive and thrive.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 30, 2018 19:48:56 GMT -5
It sounds like an egoic issue causing undue suffering to me. Why do you need someone to "never forget you?" What if it didn't matter? There's freedom in the latter. I'm not picking on you or trying to be cold. I also get it. Breakups hurt. But to feel bad because someone is not thinking about you means your focus is on something that disempowers you instead of empowers you. Just my opinion. It's a forum, a question was asked, I replied. Not trying to bully. Take it or leave it. (Haha.. this will be my new disclaimer at the end of all my posts from now on...). Oops... sorry... I'm not a man. Ignore my post. I get that. This is not my spouse; this is someone who is important to me for other reasons and I’d just like to remain friends. It’s not about me so much as just staying in touch. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 30, 2018 20:23:30 GMT -5
My paintbrushes said: "I get that. This is not my spouse; this is someone who is important to me for other reasons and I’d just like to remain friends. It’s not about me so much as just staying in touch."
My experience has been that it takes at least a year to be able to reconnect and be just friends with an ex. Otherwise, the one who was left still longs to return to the romantic relationship. If you were the person who was left, you're probably still hoping that a continued relationship will lead to a reconciliation. Ending romances are hard.
I am FB friends with a couple of my exes, but I couldn't have been friends at all with them for a while after we broke up. Either their or my feelings were too raw.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 30, 2018 20:25:09 GMT -5
It’s hard to describe. We were never romantic, but definitely each other’s confidant. If that makes sense.
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 30, 2018 20:41:44 GMT -5
It’s hard to describe. We were never romantic, but definitely each other’s confidant. If that makes sense. Given that description I would say I would probably never forget them. I may not be a good barometer for the emotional patterns of other men. Anyone I ever loved I still do. Move on sure, forget them - never. I am reading your question as you asking if he will forget you. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 30, 2018 20:43:23 GMT -5
Well, I know for my part I won’t forget him. I still get giddy when I see people from my past that I loved. Thank you!
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 30, 2018 20:45:04 GMT -5
If you were very close to someone, and you’re now going to be spending a lot less time together, would you eventually forget them? And if so, how long would it take? I’m being purposefully vague. Never? 35 years and counting... |
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Post by workingonit on Aug 30, 2018 20:53:37 GMT -5
Not a guy but I never forget.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 30, 2018 21:10:45 GMT -5
I have a bad memory (due to a mental disorder) and yet I remember the girl I liked from kindergarten and the name of everyone I dated and most every woman I have ever danced with. I think it's just human nature. You may also find yourself remembering mostly the good things, and that's not so bad!
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Post by WindSister on Aug 30, 2018 21:12:04 GMT -5
Never forget, sure....that's romantic. I have men in my life I won't forget and I'd like to think I may be a glimmer of a memory now and then. But to "stay in touch," in my opinion, would be disrespectful to the woman who is in his life now. I'm super old fashioned when it comes to that, though, so I know most will disagree with me.
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Post by workingonit on Aug 30, 2018 21:53:11 GMT -5
Never forget, sure....that's romantic. I have men in my life I won't forget and I'd like to think I may be a glimmer of a memory now and then. But to "stay in touch," in my opinion, would be disrespectful to the woman who is in his life now. I'm super old fashioned when it comes to that, though, so I know most will disagree with me. I agree with this totally. I am not in touch with any past lovers. (Well, fine, that- one but he is single! And I am lonely! Sue me!) I don't really understand how people stay close to old lovers. |
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