An Additional Perspective From Oppositeland
Aug 29, 2018 6:03:32 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, greatcoastal, and 16 more like this
Post by thebaffledking on Aug 29, 2018 6:03:32 GMT -5
“Why, when we could live out our lives in a flower-filled paradise, do we all prefer to weep, suffer and get lost in a maelstrom of passion and fury, torturing ourselves in the flames of hell?" ~ Musashi.
I don't post much any longer as I'm busily pursuing new life, but I come read from time to time as I think it's important to revisit the memories, the suffering, the absolute hell of my SM when I was in it. I remember the most excruciating emotional and spiritual pain when years were flying by......wherein every day I knew I not only wanted to leave but HAD to leave to save my life (yes, suicide was on the table for a year or two)......and yet could not pull the plug. I damn near drove myself insane and am now hoping I didn't do any permanent damage to the wiring in my brain!
I have been free now for some months and I am happy. After she left (upon my initiation of proceedings), I totally re-did the home, redesigning it, which is something I have always enjoyed but with her it was always her way......to the point I'd set this piece of art here and the next day it would have been moved there......or when I put a stick-on razor holder where I wanted it in the shower, only to find it moved the next day........things like that. I've now re-created a place that I'm proud of. It looks awesome (-:
I get home from work, strip down to my underwear, and hit the couch for a nap. I eat what I want when I want. I watch what I want and when I want. If I want to play an old UFO album, I do it. I go to bed in peace. I'm happy. I like my life, a lot. I feel no hatred or contempt towards her, and our divorce has been without drama and it has been fair. We worked through a mediator. I actually find myself rooting for her to establish her own happy life, even though we may never again be friends. It's just the way to go........release all of it. Let it all go. All turmoil is in our own minds anyway, and can do untold damage to one's health. I let it all go and I feel fine.
I have already met someone new........well, I say 'new', but I actually met this person over four years ago on EP (under a different name that I can't recall) soon before it got shuttered up. And I say 'met' which is pretty mild compared to what the relationship actually is (-: It's everything I have never known before about how a relationship is supposed to feel.....both in the giving and in the receiving, from someone who truly loves you. She is beautiful, she is 'southern', she is smart and funny and just plain fun.....and she knows how to enjoy herself and completely open up to intimacy.
This is my life now. I am not saying it is perfect, because I suffered a lot over the 15 years my marriage spiraled out of control (but where it was only spiraling for me)....it will take some time to regain full faith in life and love.......but I know I have found the right person to hold hands with......being on EP, she also came from an SM that was even longer than mine......so we will go forward together and heal. And it sure feels good.
I wish you all the best in figuring out 'your deal', as baza puts it. I can't offer much to those who are definitely staying. For me, it came down to living or dying.......and I decided long ago to get busy living even though, ironically, that choice nearly killed me. It was the right call for me. No regrets whatsoever.
I don't post much any longer as I'm busily pursuing new life, but I come read from time to time as I think it's important to revisit the memories, the suffering, the absolute hell of my SM when I was in it. I remember the most excruciating emotional and spiritual pain when years were flying by......wherein every day I knew I not only wanted to leave but HAD to leave to save my life (yes, suicide was on the table for a year or two)......and yet could not pull the plug. I damn near drove myself insane and am now hoping I didn't do any permanent damage to the wiring in my brain!
I have been free now for some months and I am happy. After she left (upon my initiation of proceedings), I totally re-did the home, redesigning it, which is something I have always enjoyed but with her it was always her way......to the point I'd set this piece of art here and the next day it would have been moved there......or when I put a stick-on razor holder where I wanted it in the shower, only to find it moved the next day........things like that. I've now re-created a place that I'm proud of. It looks awesome (-:
I get home from work, strip down to my underwear, and hit the couch for a nap. I eat what I want when I want. I watch what I want and when I want. If I want to play an old UFO album, I do it. I go to bed in peace. I'm happy. I like my life, a lot. I feel no hatred or contempt towards her, and our divorce has been without drama and it has been fair. We worked through a mediator. I actually find myself rooting for her to establish her own happy life, even though we may never again be friends. It's just the way to go........release all of it. Let it all go. All turmoil is in our own minds anyway, and can do untold damage to one's health. I let it all go and I feel fine.
I have already met someone new........well, I say 'new', but I actually met this person over four years ago on EP (under a different name that I can't recall) soon before it got shuttered up. And I say 'met' which is pretty mild compared to what the relationship actually is (-: It's everything I have never known before about how a relationship is supposed to feel.....both in the giving and in the receiving, from someone who truly loves you. She is beautiful, she is 'southern', she is smart and funny and just plain fun.....and she knows how to enjoy herself and completely open up to intimacy.
This is my life now. I am not saying it is perfect, because I suffered a lot over the 15 years my marriage spiraled out of control (but where it was only spiraling for me)....it will take some time to regain full faith in life and love.......but I know I have found the right person to hold hands with......being on EP, she also came from an SM that was even longer than mine......so we will go forward together and heal. And it sure feels good.
I wish you all the best in figuring out 'your deal', as baza puts it. I can't offer much to those who are definitely staying. For me, it came down to living or dying.......and I decided long ago to get busy living even though, ironically, that choice nearly killed me. It was the right call for me. No regrets whatsoever.
