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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2018 5:36:22 GMT -5
For me it's a little different. I stopped giving AF about people finding out around three years ago. Of course, I still care about my husband, my marriage as a whole, and what he and I have accomplished.
But my online presence here is different. My inner circle of friends and several family members know my situation. I don't refer this forum often, but when I do, I call it my online support group. And I truly feel that's what it is. If someone in my day-to-day life finds me here, fine. I'm here for a continued sense of community among my SM friends.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2018 8:35:33 GMT -5
That someone you know irl posts (or worse lurks) here? I've been weighing my need to be myself here with my fear someone who knows me lurks here and it's blindingly obvious who I am. Doesn't take many non-specific details in combo to ID someone, frighteningly. Can you imagine your uncle lurks here (for the usual reasons obvs) , for example, and sees your posts? What a horror-inducing thought. What do y'all think? There are about 9-12 million sexless couples in the USA alone. There are far less than 500 regular posters here. The chances of two who know each other outside the forum seems very, very small. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 29, 2018 9:56:39 GMT -5
If someone I know lurks here and recognizes me, they have a lot in common with me so I'd have no problem with their knowing about my life.
I've actually run into people I've known on on-line bulletin boards including one that was sex oriented. A woman professional acquaintance posted enough info about herself on one board that I recognized her, and e-mailed her warning her that others might recognize her, too. She told me that she was open about sex and didn't care if she was recognized. Another time, I recognized on a parenting board someone whom I had known in childhood and hadn't seen in 30 years. Small world. In both cases, I recognized people by the content of what they posted, not their avatars.
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Post by workingonit on Aug 29, 2018 12:20:43 GMT -5
I don't think I care. I will not advertise our reality- I love my h enough to want to keep this private for his sake. But my close friends and family know. And other than protecting him I cannot imagine why I should care.
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 29, 2018 14:03:39 GMT -5
Yes, it foesn't take many life details to make it obvious who a person is if you know them. And even if you don't it still doesn't take much to make your identity possible to find. tak Anyone that knows me would recognize my story. But I do not care. And if someone I know IRL is on here then we need to have a discussion. I do agree with Helen if you wish to remain anonymous then do not provide any personal details. Even a series of seemingly innocuous personal details can be streamed together to provide focused identification. Europeans have better protection from data gathering than those of us in the westetn hemisphere . |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 8, 2018 11:32:24 GMT -5
"I call it my online support group. And I truly feel that's what it is. If someone in my day-to-day life finds me here, fine. I'm here for a continued sense of community among my SM friends."
Exactly how I feel. This group and the friends I've made here is what gets me through the day-to-day hell of living in a SM. People sharing their stories on here is what gives me hope of a world that exists outside of SM hell. And this group and my friends in here are helping me each day as I get closer to a happier, sex-filled future.
I plan on staying here for as long as we exist (and I truly hope it's for a very, very long time). This place is like a SM hospital where real, hurting people can come to receive first aid for their real pain. SMs cause such emotional pain.
What's really great here is how members will come to the aid of another member who is hurting. Example is 3 weeks ago with myself in the post "Insulted Again (The Last Time)". I was emotionally hurt and devastated by what happened. And when I shared it, members from all over came on and gave me first aid for the pain that I incurred. As a result after a few days of "treatment" from wonderful, caring friends. I was able to get back on my feet and push forward.
I think there are, and very sadly, will continue to be a need for this site. I hope we never lose our board here.
Maybe if people do make some kind of connection, instead of going "AH HAAAA!!!!", maybe they should realize what pain the person they think they've identified is in and show some compassion instead of criticism and wanting to "out" them. And that includes refuser spouses. And have the respect to keep their "suspicion" of who it is to themselves.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 22, 2018 11:35:38 GMT -5
For those that need privacy, it is here. You could even put up deceptive information to throw someone that might know you off the track. Some members don't divulge if they are male or female. My refuser wife has a profile on here. She had a tweak on her birthdate to make it less obvious. She found the site just after idgaf96 and I had an amazing vacation together and openly discussed a bit of that. Her profile is vague enough for privacy, which she needs. If you are using phrases from this site while talking to anyone, they could do an internet search on those phrases and end up here. That might or might not be a good thing. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 23, 2018 15:16:02 GMT -5
I also have posted more than enough info that if someone who knows me in real life was on here, they could identify me. I am not concerned about that. I’ve been 100% myself here so if someone stumbles upon this and recognizes me then now they just know more about me. ::shrug::
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Post by solodriver on Sept 23, 2018 15:41:48 GMT -5
I also have posted more than enough info that if someone who knows me in real life was on here, they could identify me. I am not concerned about that. I’ve been 100% myself here so if someone stumbles upon this and recognizes me then now they just know more about me. ::shrug:: OMG I know who this is...it's lonelywifey! 
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Post by h on Sept 23, 2018 17:25:16 GMT -5
A few months ago I added a link to the site to my Facebook favorites list. I'm done hiding. I'm an ILIASMer and I don't mind at all if my friends and family know about it. Nobody has noticed though.
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Post by idgaf96 on Sept 25, 2018 23:33:28 GMT -5
For those that need privacy, it is here. You could even put up deceptive information to throw someone that might know you off the track. Some members don't divulge if they are male or female. My refuser wife has a profile on here. She had a tweak on her birthdate to make it less obvious. She found the site just after idgaf96 and I had an amazing vacation together and openly discussed a bit of that. Her profile is vague enough for privacy, which she needs. If you are using phrases from this site while talking to anyone, they could do an internet search on those phrases and end up here. That might or might not be a good thing. I hate that this is what happened. |
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 26, 2018 0:22:23 GMT -5
I hate that this is what happened. (Hugs) It was going to happen soon, anyway. I still believe in happy endings. |
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Post by saarinista on Sept 29, 2018 1:35:33 GMT -5
the truth will set us free. That , and a divorce.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 29, 2018 13:49:05 GMT -5
the truth will set us free. That , and a divorce. And a long ride on your motorcycle . |
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Post by dallasgia on Oct 5, 2018 15:13:05 GMT -5
I’m glad you wrote (said) that out loud.
I’ve been worried about that too.
Reading the replies has given me a different perspective than the fear.
I have wondered if spouses have ever wandered in here and realized they were each in here?
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