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Post by baza on Aug 20, 2018 22:11:51 GMT -5
Here's another sample of 10, this time from who joined the group this time last year. saarinista - last post August 2018 - staying alexbrown - last post Dec 2017 - basically inactive casual777 - last post August 2018 - staying sillygirl - last post August 2017 - basically inactive helpless - last post August 2017 - basically inactive theexplorer - last post Sep 2017 - basically inactive lokee - last post May 2018 - not clear what member is doing celibatejoe - last post August 2017 - basically inactive isthisforever - last post August 2017 - basically inactive paulb - last post Sep 2017 - basically inactive In this sample.... 2 staying 1 it's not clear what they're doing 7 posted their story then pissed off never to be heard from again. No examples of "leavers" in this lot. And again, no turnaround situations evident. All of these random samples of 10 are starting to accumulate into a handy representation of the group now.
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Post by saarinista on Aug 27, 2018 3:11:21 GMT -5
hey, I broke my wrist bleaching the 7 weeks ago so my life has been on hold.
I've had my hands full haha just trying to get dressed. no, this has not inspired my husband or I sexually. he has been helpful around the house and kind, but I just feel less than ever for him sexually, and guess the same holds true for him. He's a good guy but..I think we were kind of incompatible from the beginning. rats. after so long without sex, it's hard to crank up a relationship again. 😔
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Post by choosinghappy on Aug 27, 2018 8:35:37 GMT -5
hey, I broke my wrist bleaching the 7 weeks ago so my life has been on hold. I've had my hands full haha just trying to get dressed. no, this has not inspired my husband or I sexually. he has been helpful around the house and kind, but I just feel less than ever for him sexually, and guess the same holds true for him. He's a good guy but..I think we were kind of incompatible from the beginning. rats. after so long without sex, it's hard to crank up a relationship again. 😔 I was just thinking of you yesterday saarinista and wondering how you are! Glad to see an update, I’m sorry about the injury.
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Post by casual777 on Aug 29, 2018 0:20:57 GMT -5
The marriage is happier absolutely. I no longer outsource. The frequency is steady around 18-20 per year. Never in the SM range but was dwindling. I do tonnes of work on my mood and my behaviour. Our libidos are mismatched but this frequency I can live with. Friday I was distressed and it had been 4 weeks then twice over the weekend have helped enormously. We have young kids who need us. I love her. She is great but the refusals can crush me. After 2 weeks I exist not live until the next time. I stopped posting as revealing that I outsourced with men (I am bi) provoked an angry response. Do I find this forum helpful ? It’s ok. Interesting absolutely, but too much focus on leaving. Make sure you’ve sorted out your own shit first , the shit not caused by rejection. I stopped outsourcing because the lying was killing me
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Post by saarinista on Aug 31, 2018 23:09:24 GMT -5
I was just thinking of you yesterday saarinista and wondering how you are! Glad to see an update, I’m sorry about the injury. Thanks. I kept trying to get a post written explaining, but it's kind of hard with a broken hand. I got the cast off yesterday, but im still wearing a brace. My arm is stiff too after several weeks encased in fiberglass in one position. But at least I don't have to spend two hours a day blow drying my cast and I CAN reach up to blow dry my hair, so that's a step forward!
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 1, 2018 2:15:02 GMT -5
The marriage is happier absolutely. I no longer outsource. The frequency is steady around 18-20 per year. Never in the SM range but was dwindling. I do tonnes of work on my mood and my behaviour. Our libidos are mismatched but this frequency I can live with. Friday I was distressed and it had been 4 weeks then twice over the weekend have helped enormously. We have young kids who need us. I love her. She is great but the refusals can crush me. After 2 weeks I exist not live until the next time. I stopped posting as revealing that I outsourced with men (I am bi) provoked an angry response. Do I find this forum helpful ? It’s ok. Interesting absolutely, but too much focus on leaving. Make sure you’ve sorted out your own shit first , the shit not caused by rejection. I stopped outsourcing because the lying was killing me casual777 For the last two months I've been working on increasing the sex frequency in my marriage, with some success. I've gone from once per 10 days, to about once per 4 days on average during these two months. I've had sex twice these last two days, and my wife says we can have sex tomorrow, too! I'll start a new thread soon about "How to increase sex frequency" (or someone else is welcome go ahead first). But for now I'd suggest: 1. Lots of positive reinforcement for the "twice over the weekend" episode and for future sex episodes. Say "thank you for..." Take her out for a thank-you dinner, etc. 2. Ask her why she was suddenly so willing? 3. Start a diary. Take notes about whatever might affect her mood and her willingness. Time of her period? Times of less stress, such as weekends? When you do ask for sex? What is her reaction? When does she invite it? When do you actually have it? 4. If she's willing to discuss it, try to set a schedule. In the meantime, my article here: www.reuniting.info/comment/95275#comment-95275 might be useful.
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Post by csl on Sept 1, 2018 9:01:31 GMT -5
The marriage is happier absolutely. I no longer outsource. The frequency is steady around 18-20 per year. Never in the SM range but was dwindling. I do tonnes of work on my mood and my behaviour. Our libidos are mismatched but this frequency I can live with. Friday I was distressed and it had been 4 weeks then twice over the weekend have helped enormously. We have young kids who need us. I love her. She is great but the refusals can crush me. After 2 weeks I exist not live until the next time. I stopped posting as revealing that I outsourced with men (I am bi) provoked an angry response. Do I find this forum helpful ? It’s ok. Interesting absolutely, but too much focus on leaving. Make sure you’ve sorted out your own shit first , the shit not caused by rejection. I stopped outsourcing because the lying was killing me casual777 For the last two months I've been working on increasing the sex frequency in my marriage, with some success. I've gone from once per 10 days, to about once per 4 days on average during these two months. I've had sex twice these last two days, and my wife says we can have sex tomorrow, too! I'll start a new thread soon about "How to increase sex frequency" (or someone else is welcome go ahead first). But for now I'd suggest: 1. Lots of positive reinforcement for the "twice over the weekend" episode and for future sex episodes. Say "thank you for..." Take her out for a thank-you dinner, etc. 2. Ask her why she was suddenly so willing? 3. Start a diary. Take notes about whatever might affect her mood and her willingness. Time of her period? Times of less stress, such as weekends? When you do ask for sex? What is her reaction? When does she invite it? When do you actually have it? 4. If she's willing to discuss it, try to set a schedule. In the meantime, my article here: www.reuniting.info/comment/95275#comment-95275 might be useful. So I go to the article you listed and I'm curious-- karezza? Cuddling without sex? Or sex without orgasm? Is karezza a way to redefine sexlessness, of to make sexlessness more palatable? I haven't quite figured that one out. And since that was from 2 years ago, is this karezza still what you and your wife practice for your sexlife?
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 1, 2018 19:31:23 GMT -5
So I go to the article you listed and I'm curious-- karezza? Cuddling without sex? Or sex without orgasm? Is karezza a way to redefine sexlessness, of to make sexlessness more palatable? I haven't quite figured that one out. And since that was from 2 years ago, is this karezza still what you and your wife practice for your sexlife? Oh, sorry for the confusion! I can see why my article is confusing. Short answer: just replace "karezza" with "sex" and my article should make sense. Longer answer: karezza is a specific type of sex, namely it is sex without orgasm, or at least without the intention of having an orgasm (sometimes we have orgasms accidentally). Since the Reuniting forum is mostly about karezza, and I have been practicing karezza consistently for the last 8 years, I wrote "karezza" in my article instead of "sex". This article: Benefits of not orgasming (yes, seriously!) is about karezza, so I would suggest that further questions or comments specifically about karezza be posted on that thread. Discussion about how to increase sex frequency should perhaps go to a new thread that I'll create. The current thread "Joined In August 2017" is not the best place for these discussions! "Is karezza a way to redefine sexlessness" -- no, not at all. Certainly not my intent. "o[r] to make sexlessness more palatable?" -- In my "Benefits..." article, I list "Dry spells are more tolerable" as the fourth benefit of practicing karezza. But that's not my main reason why I practice karezza. My main reason is that I just feel better, mentally and physically, if I avoid having orgasms in my life. If you have more questions about karezza, feel free to post them on the Benefits thread.
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Post by casual777 on Sept 2, 2018 1:31:21 GMT -5
Thank you jamesbonding. In my case increasing the frequency is something akin to a part time job in terms of the effort and attention I have paid , the housework , the comments I make...etc. Currently she only feels like sex 18-20 a year and we have sex on all of those occasions . Maybe when the kids are older we ll get back to previous frequencies
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Post by casual777 on Oct 15, 2018 18:00:52 GMT -5
My view on where my marriage is at can really oscillate, and reminds me of why it’s so vital to get my head ‘right’ prior to evaluating things. Last night it has been another 25 days without, and we had had a lovely night out followed by no sex, I struggled to sleep and considered going back to outsourcing. This morning we had sex twice including me giving oral , a plus as giving and receiving had been a no no for years. The libido mismatch is clear but we don’t argue, the kids need us, and we have a good life. However last night I did think that doubling the frequency of intercourse and adding to the repertoire of acts is worth risking my marriage for.
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