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Post by Handy on Oct 8, 2018 17:28:54 GMT -5
Saarinista, my attitude for the good times/events in my life took some counseling for it to sink in. I have the intellectual tools to deal with a lot of things I don't particularly like, but late at night, alone in the master bedroom, it is still lonely at times if I don't get to sleep fairly quickly. I sort of solve the slow to get to sleep by staying up until 2 AM several nights a week.
I have things to do during the week that I schedule into my days to keep busy. Weekends are what ever comes up.
What are some of the things that occupy your time so you feel you accomplished something or enjoyed doing?
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Post by saarinista on Oct 17, 2018 2:14:47 GMT -5
Saarinista, my attitude for the good times/events in my life took some counseling for it to sink in. I have the intellectual tools to deal with a lot of things I don't particularly like, but late at night, alone in the master bedroom, it is still lonely at times if I don't get to sleep fairly quickly. I sort of solve the slow to get to sleep by staying up until 2 AM several nights a week. I have things to do during the week that I schedule into my days to keep busy. Weekends are what ever comes up. What are some of the things that occupy your time so you feel you accomplished something or enjoyed doing? basically, working on the house. i dont have nearly enough fun and im very lonely at times. that's on me. what will change that? i don't know. I'm in a horrible rut. |
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Post by Handy on Oct 17, 2018 10:53:27 GMT -5
Saarinista
....working on the house.......
What does "working on the house" include? Anything similar to major cleaning, maintenance=(painting level), major repairs(fixing the plumbing related) or actually removing existing items like the furnace, kitchen and bathroom and installing new items?
I have a conservative and very responsible friend that I joke with and say, life is OK but we don't know how to have fun like our deep in debt free-wheeling friends do. That is OK because it would keep me up at night thinking about making the minimum payments like I assume they do.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2018 17:35:46 GMT -5
I've spent the better part of the last 6 years battling that inner dialogue to no avail. On those occasions when my inner dialogue gets spoken out loud and the customary fight ensues, things usually change for a short period of time, only to go right back to how things have been. Feeling like roommates. This has been on my mind a lot lately. My wife and I don't sleep in the same bedroom anymore, she was a reluctant sexual partner at best and then it all ended almost completely 18-months ago, we do things together but mostly it's just daily management. What chores are we doing tonight, tomorrow? We need a smaller house. What things need to be done to sell next Spring? What does this kid or that kid need?
The balance of good/bad isn't yet bad enough to say, "end the marriage" but is it a marriage at all?
How do you all manage that internal dialogue?
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Post by h on Dec 10, 2018 10:32:47 GMT -5
I've spent the better part of the last 6 years battling that inner dialogue to no avail. On those occasions when my inner dialogue gets spoken out loud and the customary fight ensues, things usually change for a short period of time, only to go right back to how things have been. Feeling like roommates. This has been on my mind a lot lately. My wife and I don't sleep in the same bedroom anymore, she was a reluctant sexual partner at best and then it all ended almost completely 18-months ago, we do things together but mostly it's just daily management. What chores are we doing tonight, tomorrow? We need a smaller house. What things need to be done to sell next Spring? What does this kid or that kid need?
The balance of good/bad isn't yet bad enough to say, "end the marriage" but is it a marriage at all?
How do you all manage that internal dialogue?
That's exactly how it works in our house. I go along to get along. Eventually I mention something about how I am unhappy with our marriage. We fight and argue but resolve nothing. Things change for a while but gradually slip back into the same old pattern. It's a repeating cycle. I have been a member here for about a year and a half, but "qualified for membership" ever since I said "I do." I just recently accepted the fact that my W will never change. She is who she is and there's nothing I can do about it. I gave up on trying to fix the unfixable. Eventually we'll have to get divorced but we have to handle some financial issues first. We're roommates for now also. Knowing that and removing all expectations I once held, has helped me relax and relieved much of the stress I used to have. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2018 10:36:57 GMT -5
All the comments are so hopeless sounding. Makes me think there's no point in trying. Had anyone ever "fixed" their sexless marriage? lol! ugh! sigh..... 🙄😢 I've spent the better part of the last 6 years battling that inner dialogue to no avail. On those occasions when my inner dialogue gets spoken out loud and the customary fight ensues, things usually change for a short period of time, only to go right back to how things have been. Feeling like roommates. That's exactly how it works in our house. I go along to get along. Eventually I mention something about how I am unhappy with our marriage. We fight and argue but resolve nothing. Things change for a while but gradually slip back into the same old pattern. It's a repeating cycle. I have been a member here for about a year and a half, but "qualified for membership" ever since I said "I do." I just recently accepted the fact that my W will never change. She is who she is and there's nothing I can do about it. I gave up on trying to fix the unfixable. Eventually we'll have to get divorced but we have to handle some financial issues first. We're roommates for now also. Knowing that and removing all expectations I once held, has helped me relax and relieved much of the stress I used to have. |
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Post by workingonit on Dec 10, 2018 10:43:21 GMT -5
All the comments are so hopeless sounding. Makes me think there's no point in trying. Had anyone ever "fixed" their sexless marriage? lol! ugh! sigh..... 🙄😢 That's exactly how it works in our house. I go along to get along. Eventually I mention something about how I am unhappy with our marriage. We fight and argue but resolve nothing. Things change for a while but gradually slip back into the same old pattern. It's a repeating cycle. I have been a member here for about a year and a half, but "qualified for membership" ever since I said "I do." I just recently accepted the fact that my W will never change. She is who she is and there's nothing I can do about it. I gave up on trying to fix the unfixable. Eventually we'll have to get divorced but we have to handle some financial issues first. We're roommates for now also. Knowing that and removing all expectations I once held, has helped me relax and relieved much of the stress I used to have. has statistics!! I think for those that end up at this site the stats don't look good. Like maybe 2%? Even if you are super generous still way under 10%. Look at shynjdudes posts. He has a pretty credible turn around going on |
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Post by h on Dec 10, 2018 10:44:30 GMT -5
All the comments are so hopeless sounding. Makes me think there's no point in trying. Had anyone ever "fixed" their sexless marriage? lol! ugh! sigh..... 🙄😢 That's exactly how it works in our house. I go along to get along. Eventually I mention something about how I am unhappy with our marriage. We fight and argue but resolve nothing. Things change for a while but gradually slip back into the same old pattern. It's a repeating cycle. I have been a member here for about a year and a half, but "qualified for membership" ever since I said "I do." I just recently accepted the fact that my W will never change. She is who she is and there's nothing I can do about it. I gave up on trying to fix the unfixable. Eventually we'll have to get divorced but we have to handle some financial issues first. We're roommates for now also. Knowing that and removing all expectations I once held, has helped me relax and relieved much of the stress I used to have. There are cases of fixing it but few and far between. Less than 1% who make it to this forum have truly fixed their marriages. |
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