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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 18:56:58 GMT -5
What do you ( men and women) consider as " intimacy?"
It has been so long since any of my attempts to show and receive intimacy have been answered with any Merritt.
So it would be helpful to know what others consider an intimate moment, conversation, event, action,etc..
I would like to hear what you consider intimacy, not just what society tries to pin it as. Examples, theories, triumphs, failures.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 19:07:10 GMT -5
Just moments ago a storm rolled in, I love to be out in the driveway feeling the cool air, watching the clouds rush by, bolts of lightning, loud wind through the trees. I desire sharing these feelings, thoughts, grander, with someone, someone who likes it too. Someone who wants to have my arms around them and hold them closely to whisper in there ear how much I love having you with me,as it begins to rain, sharing a kiss before the rain comes.
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Post by wewbwb on May 20, 2016 19:09:23 GMT -5
A naked hug, a deep kiss that leaves you breathless, holding hands as you walk, the "look" with a smile, the reaching for each other just because you are apart.
(And thank you, now I'm sad. Tool)
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Post by obobfla on May 20, 2016 19:10:47 GMT -5
Intimacy is two words: sharing and caring.
Sharing is telling your partner what you want, and he or she being receptive to it. Caring is asking what he or she wants and be willing to do it.
I also have a third word: trust. I am trusting my body and my feelings with this person, and she is with me.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 19:23:21 GMT -5
Something that inspires a desire to relax, trust, share and care for someone, is fire. Campground fires, fires on the beach at night, fires in the pit in the backyard, a fire in the fireplace, candles, ( yes bacon scented) at the dinner table with the whole family, candles by the tub,and candles in the bedroom.
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Post by wewbwb on May 20, 2016 19:26:44 GMT -5
(Isn't it arson?)
Yes holding hands at a camp fire or fire pit. Relaxing and watching the flames.....
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Post by baza on May 20, 2016 20:24:21 GMT -5
Intimacy means so many different things to me.
And, it has only been a part of my life over recent years (post dysfunctional marriage) so I am far from expert in the field as far as having a long history to draw on.
But anyway, I will have an attempt at putting it in to words.
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Getting on the cruiser and blasting off for a ride, Ms enna's arms around me, leaning into the corners, the smell of country air, the noise of wind and exhaust, stopping somewhere for a coffee, laughing about her "helmet hair". Her looking over the rim of her cup at me, me reaching out for her hand.
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Being at a party, her talking to her friends on the other side of the crowd, me engaged with a mate talking about football. A feeling I am being watched. A glance over at Ms enna, and she is glancing at me too.
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A phone call in the middle of the night. Bad news. Comforting arms around each other. Tears. Support. Empathy.
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Watching something of mutual interest on tv. Sprawled on the couch in a loose embrace, the dog joining in.
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Sorting out some misunderstanding / problem by speaking openly, and listening actively, and resolving the matter respectfully.
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All of these things and many more, say "intimacy" to me.
And, as a result, there is oftentimes a physical expression of that. Sometimes by direct suggestion, sometimes it just flows into it.
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I like what obobfla wrote - "sharing / caring / trust".
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 20:31:20 GMT -5
Intimacy is two words: sharing and caring. Sharing is telling your partner what you want, and he or she being receptive to it. Caring is asking what he or she wants and be willing to do it. I also have a third word: trust. I am trusting my body and my feelings with this person, and she is with me. Can two men who are friends have intimacy? I think so. As you said," sharing and caring." Weather you are hunting, fishing, playing golf, or just setting up chairs together, when your friend says , " my wife is never around" isn't it time for a " tell me more about it" time? |
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Post by wewbwb on May 20, 2016 20:34:38 GMT -5
Intimacy is two words: sharing and caring. Sharing is telling your partner what you want, and he or she being receptive to it. Caring is asking what he or she wants and be willing to do it. I also have a third word: trust. I am trusting my body and my feelings with this person, and she is with me. Can two men who are friends have intimacy? I think so. As you said," sharing and caring." Weather you are hunting, fishing, playing golf, or just setting up chairs together, when your friend says , " my wife is never around" isn't it time for a " tell me more about it" time? Yes siegfried and roy, not that there's anything wrong with that. |
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Post by obobfla on May 20, 2016 20:37:13 GMT -5
You mean two heterosexual men? Yes, but not sexual intimacy. I guess that two teammates in sports who have played together for a long time and work together almost instintively are intimate. But I doubt they would admit it.
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 21:39:09 GMT -5
Intimacy is anything and everything that reconnects partners. Hand holding. Brushing back hair. Cradling his face in my hands. Sweet, gentle kisses. Conspiratorial whispering to each other. Walking arm in arm. Sitting on his lap, at the pub. Deep, eye contact, whether we are alone in the room, or not. Bringing me a cup of coffee the way I like it, just because.
Within the sexual experience - Lying in each other's arms after sex. Sweet, sexy and naughty "I want you" texts. Looking into our eyes as we fuck.
Intimacy to me, is all about my man and I.
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 22:02:40 GMT -5
I like what @zumbamami , obobfla , and baza have said. If I were to write my own definition I would say this: intimacy is a moment of connection with someone else's soul, their true, unguarded selves. It doesn't have to include touch and doesn't have to be sexual or romantic in nature. You can have an intimate moment with anyone - it isn't always sexual or romantic. It's a moment that might include truly listening or truly hearing someone, feeling their pain, or their joy, understanding them, sharing and/or accepting their emotions, having a shared experience and connecting over it. Armor is definitely not a part of intimacy. Intimacy, by definition, includes the ability to trust and to be vulnerable. There's emotional intimacy and there's physical intimacy, both are important. I think if I had emotional intimacy in my marriage, the lack of physical intimacy might not be such a deal breaker. If I truly loved my husband and had a deep, emotionally intimate bond with him and he became a quadriplegic in a car accident, you couldn't pay me to leave that man, even if there would never be any more sex, ever. Because his mind would still be there, and he would still be my best friend. I get it that sex is important, but I'd be willing to bet that if the emotional intimacy were good, sex would be a whole lot less important to many of us. I think it's true what the therapists say, the lack of physical intimacy and sex is really just a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship. And maybe that's where the greatest unhappiness in all of this SM business lies. |
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Post by lwoetin on May 20, 2016 22:18:09 GMT -5
Intimacy is being in love with each other.
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 22:46:06 GMT -5
Intimacy is that meeting of eyes when we both hear something ridiculous that we will mock together in private later on.
Intimacy is when the two of us think something is very funny - but nobody else gets it.
Intimacy is playing footsie (or other things) under a table, or at some other occasion when we are not supposed to be doing that!
Intimacy is when we look at each other with that adventurous, mischievous look and impulsively decide to go do something fun (instead of the boring thing we were supposed to do.)
Intimacy is when he sees me without any makeup on - and I'm not worried or insecure about it.
Intimacy is when he can admit he's frustrated with something (situation at work, family stuff, etc.) - admit he doesn't know how to solve it - and he's able to accept what comfort I can offer him, and really take comfort from it (instead of shutting me out and being stoic.)
Intimacy is when something goes wrong and I need to cry and I don't have to hide from him. And vice versa.
Intimacy is knowing the little quirks of each other's bodies...the sensitive neck and spine....or whatever...and knowing what each other likes so well that we can instantly go where we both need to go.
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Post by unmatched on May 21, 2016 2:23:49 GMT -5
I like what @zumbamami , obobfla , and baza have said. If I were to write my own definition I would say this: intimacy is a moment of connection with someone else's soul, their true, unguarded selves. It doesn't have to include touch and doesn't have to be sexual or romantic in nature. You can have an intimate moment with anyone - it isn't always sexual or romantic. It's a moment that might include truly listening or truly hearing someone, feeling their pain, or their joy, understanding them, sharing and/or accepting their emotions, having a shared experience and connecting over it. Armor is definitely not a part of intimacy. Intimacy, by definition, includes the ability to trust and to be vulnerable. There's emotional intimacy and there's physical intimacy, both are important. I think if I had emotional intimacy in my marriage, the lack of physical intimacy might not be such a deal breaker. If I truly loved my husband and had a deep, emotionally intimate bond with him and he became a quadriplegic in a car accident, you couldn't pay me to leave that man, even if there would never be any more sex, ever. Because his mind would still be there, and he would still be my best friend. I get it that sex is important, but I'd be willing to bet that if the emotional intimacy were good, sex would be a whole lot less important to many of us. I think it's true what the therapist's say, the lack of physical intimacy and sex is really just a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship. And maybe that's where the greatest unhappiness in all of this SM business lies. This! Absolutely this. I think it is about letting somebody else connect with you without putting barriers or walls or defences in the way. It doesn't matter whether it is sex, or touching, or cuddling, or just talking with somebody or even sharing a glance. You can do it with a spouse, a partner, a friend or even with somebody you just met. But it is harder to do as you get closer to somebody. I think as a relationship deepens, the level of personal risk increases. You are more likely to be hurt, the intensity of feeling increases, and I think that is partly why some people are able to attain a level of intimacy in the beginning of a relationship and can't sustain it as the relationship gets stronger and the bonds greater. So I totally agree that this is where the greatest unhappiness comes from. Sex without an intimate connection just makes you more aware of what is missing in the relationship, and starts to get unsatisfying. I would hazard a guess that in a large proportion of marriages where the sex dries up, or becomes boring and routine, it is because one or both partners have not really managed to stay open to the relationship and to their partner. |
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