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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 11:26:50 GMT -5
Tomorrow is my moving day. After tomorrow, my STBX will never be able to just walk into my house ever again (this morning he showed up at 5:50 a.m., no warning, no nothing, just in my house badgering me while I'm still trying to drink a cup of coffee and wipe the sleep out of my eyes). I'm anxious about the insane amount of work I need to get done before tomorrow morning, but I am so, so ready to have my own space, clean of memories of rejection and the misery of the last several years.
I had an odd moment this morning. I went to the garage to get a box and got distracted by a pile of boxes that were never unpacked when we moved into this house four years ago. I pulled them out to see what was in them and two of those boxes were labeled "Favorite Books." What does it say about how I felt about my marriage moving into this house that I never unpacked my favorite books? My entire life I have loved books and reading, but somehow over these last years, I lost even that basic part of myself. My STBX never reads anything other than news on his laptop and he was always impatient with my books "cluttering things up."
Tomorrow night, my first night in my new apartment, I am unpacking my books. If there isn't enough room on the bookshelves I currently have, I'm going to pile them on the floor, the counters, every flat surface that looks good to me. And then I'm going to start rereading them. Anyone who walks into my new apartment will immediately know - this person is a reader.
Another step in recovering myself.
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Post by Dan on Mar 28, 2016 11:57:01 GMT -5
I fantasize about "my own apartment" probably more than I fantasize about sex these days. (TMI?)
The main feature that will be MISSING in my smallish-but trendy space is: that woman sitting in her chair watching the TV constantly, not interacting with me.
In my own space, I expect the radio will be on MUCH MORE than the TV.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 28, 2016 12:38:49 GMT -5
"Hi, my name's DC, and I'm a book and music addict."
I'm with you on the books, MR, though your genres may be more interesting. Almost no fiction here, but I've got the makings of a small library. I've run out of bookshelf space twice here, despite expanding.
And music... I'd have it on every waking hour if I could. Cranking it up is a great way to get the day started, except when the rest of the house is asleep! ;-) Music is one thing I really enjoy about my long commute.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 14:54:01 GMT -5
Music and books! I think I've found my tribe!
Before e-readers, I used to dream of having one room in my home that was just ceiling to floor bookshelves. Even WITH an e-reader, that might not be a bad idea.
And I'm known on EP for posting lots of music videos.
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Post by sand5280 on Mar 28, 2016 15:20:42 GMT -5
Your finding the box of books was not coincidence. “My entire life I have loved books and reading, but somehow over these last years, I lost even that basic part of myself.” Books don't clutter things up, they add atmosphere, intrigue, knowledge...
Another book lover here. Anyone wants to complain about how they are in the way (they are), too bad they are here to stay. I have the same fantasy about a library room, all the way to the ceiling. My super elaborate fantasy is to have them arranged so I can find them.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 20:17:54 GMT -5
When I visit anybody's home, I always check out their books and their music.
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Post by unmatched on Mar 28, 2016 20:24:25 GMT -5
What does it say about how I felt about my marriage moving into this house that I never unpacked my favorite books? It says everything you could possibly want to know. Your body moved into that house, but your heart never went with it. |
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 29, 2016 3:04:07 GMT -5
I have the same fantasy about a library room, all the way to the ceiling. Yes... Classic dark wood bookshelves, matching floor-to-ceiling windows for great reading light, and one of those cool rolling ladders to reach the upper shelves. And what would such a library be without a sexy librarian in it? ;-) And, certainly, one can't have such an elaborate library in a mere shack... Boy, the places that books can take your imagination! |
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Post by sand5280 on Mar 29, 2016 3:19:57 GMT -5
I'm going to suggest a design, MountainRun consider this for new home, if you have space Before:  After:  |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 29, 2016 5:11:53 GMT -5
I fantasize about "my own apartment" probably more than I fantasize about sex these days. (TMI?) I totally recognize that... And one of the things I dream about is a lot of books |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2016 7:43:34 GMT -5
Music and books! I think I've found my tribe! The other thing I'm extremely happy about is practicing my piano in peace. I've always been self conscious about practicing in front of my STBX and I'm never able to play or sing with any passion when I know he's listening. It makes me smile that so many of us love both books and music! |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 29, 2016 8:29:47 GMT -5
I know what you mean. I can't sing at home too, or do anything else expressively. He always comments that I can't sing or that I am doing weird.... I can hardly tickle and cuddle my daughter because I am spreading dust everywhere (he's afraid of dust and germs etc..) I want to have a place to do as I like, sing and dance (sort of) and do anything without getting comments all the time. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2016 9:36:57 GMT -5
I can't sing at home too, or do anything else expressively. Yes! This! I found myself slowing "turning down the volume" on my personality over the years. Here's the true irony about me being self conscious making music in front of him - I am a music teacher! And I've been performing publicly since I was a preschooler! When we first married, he liked my energy and passion, but over the years I think he returned to his comfort zone - his family is very reserved and never shows affection publicly (no hugging, etc). |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 29, 2016 9:49:45 GMT -5
Sounds exactly like with my husband.
He doesn't like all spontaneity, doesn't like singing (never ever heard him sing), doesn't dance, doesn't like any form of play (that should have warned me....). "Life is not all about fun" is what he says.
The fact that apart from being able to be serious, I also enjoy having fun and even find fun important, makes me a selfish hedonistic superficial lousy woman in his eyes.
I have begun to realize that makes me a sensual interesting person who is capable of enjoying many aspects of life.
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 29, 2016 10:04:13 GMT -5
Good luck with the move. Try not to stress and
don't let the ex get to you. You're in the home
stretch now! I'm so happy for you!!
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