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Post by solodriver on Aug 11, 2018 16:43:25 GMT -5
As I look back, I don't ever recall saying "no" to any lover or my wives. (Been married twice) But I've been told "No" many. many times.
I will never say "No" to my lover, no matter what is going on. Making love and sex can make any situation (at least to me) not seem so bad because it truly binds you together as a team to face anything that is happening; illness, pain, financial difficulty, work problems, problems with the kids or other family members, divorce, etc. etc.
To me, that time that a lover and I share sex together is time to pause and say "F You" to the world and it's problems and focus on the truly wonderful thing that makes living worthwhile: being with someone so special, that you share love and sexuality together.
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Post by ihadalove on Aug 12, 2018 20:51:57 GMT -5
So, what’s happened? We’ve had a lot of sex at times, not much at others (see: 2 kids in 3 years among other exhausting things), but I have never ONCE regretted saying yes to sex. I’ve never not enjoyed it, even if I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. And now, after almost 6 years, we are having a sexual Renaissance! More of it, new positions, new ideas, and orgasms galore. Not only has the investment in our marriage been fun, it’s reaping rewards I never expected! I’m putting this out there as good for thought, both for those in relationships and not. We have a remarkably fresh, open and free sexual relationship today like we did on day one, and I think I this is partially why. This is the core concept of "The Forty Beads" method, which I have read and posted about; see my full post on the Forty Beads Method. Being available for sexual relations with your spouse engenders closeness and all levels... not to mention "good husband behavior" (as the female author calls it). I think it is an incredibly wise approach. Too bad it is not really the "fix" for an SM, as both members in the couple need to give up something... but they get so much more. Describing this method to w, she thought it sounded like coercion and removal of agency. I recall this had a religious slant too but I might be remembering wrong. I don't disagree with the idea myself. |
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Post by Dan on Aug 12, 2018 21:05:34 GMT -5
Describing this method to w, she thought it sounded like coercion and removal of agency. I recall this had a religious slant too but I might be remembering wrong. I don't disagree with the idea myself. The author (a woman) is a great proponent of how it HELPS a women gain some control: a) it replaces the "hungry sexually, pawing husband, pouncing on you now" with 12 to 24 hours where she can prepare a bit, and FEEL more like she is ready to be made love to/ b) it conditions the husband to exhibit massive amounts of "good husband behavior" (both chore play as well as the romantic build up) in that period. c) it REDUCES the amount of "pawing husband" episodes, because rather than him "begging for sex" 6 nights a week hoping he'll get it just once or twice, he doesn't need to take pot shots: he can drop a bead and "know" sex is in the cards Both parties win. Your wife sounds like she believes sex is a zero sum game: "if I give some sex to my husband, he's 'won'. I can't let him 'win' to much, because it means 'I lose'." Alas, marital sex is NOT that way... and the author of the Forty Beads Method tries to explain that to women. The author also states it is 100% NOT religious based, religious biased, or anything. I read the book: there is NOT ONE WHIFF of ANY religious claims, connections, allusions, or anything religious. |
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Post by csl on Aug 13, 2018 8:32:08 GMT -5
This is the core concept of "The Forty Beads" method, which I have read and posted about; see my full post on the Forty Beads Method. Being available for sexual relations with your spouse engenders closeness and all levels... not to mention "good husband behavior" (as the female author calls it). I think it is an incredibly wise approach. Too bad it is not really the "fix" for an SM, as both members in the couple need to give up something... but they get so much more. Describing this method to w, she thought it sounded like coercion and removal of agency. I recall this had a religious slant too but I might be remembering wrong. I don't disagree with the idea myself. The original had no religious slant to it. However, Mark Gungor, pastor and podcaster (look him up), thought it was great and worked with the author to come up with a semi-sanitized version. Kudos to both author and Gungor to be willing to reach across aisle. |
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