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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 6, 2018 19:05:08 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Jul 6, 2018 20:03:16 GMT -5
Success / Failure.
Depends on what the metric is that you are measuring with.
My deal for example.
One person might look at my deal, see that it lasted 30 years, produced 2 kids and financial stability and judge it to have been a great success.
Another person might look at my deal, see that it was pretty much bereft of intimate engagement and personal growth, and judge it to have been an abject failure.
Both (either) views are legitimate - and both (either) views don't matter a flying fuck....to me.
The facts in my deal were that our marriage brought together two individuals who brought their respective attributes to the table in a unique mix of personalities, philosophies, backgrounds and values.
And that complicated mix of ingredients had the potential to produce "X".
No more, or less, than that.
And that "X" is exactly what it produced.
There were good aspects in the mix.
There were bad aspects in the mix.
There were aspects that were not even in the mix.
But the mix produced "X" - exactly what it was capable of producing.
And in the end, what it produced was not enough to keep it going.
Ending it ..... a success or a failure ?
Does it actually matter ? - The truth came out in the end, and to me that's a success.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 7, 2018 19:38:35 GMT -5
For some reason I’ve never framed marriage or divorce as successes or failures. I’m trying to figure out why that is. Perhaps it’s due to the finality of the labeling; it’s so black and white.
As I was reading the article a quote from my therapist came to my mind:
“The only constant in life is change.”
If things are ever-changing, including our SELVES, wouldn’t relationships and marriages be ever changing too? As it changes, either the marriage continues to work or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, I don’t see that as a failure, just another change.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Jul 7, 2018 22:37:06 GMT -5
For some reason I’ve never framed marriage or divorce as successes or failures. I’m trying to figure out why that is. Perhaps it’s due to the finality of the labeling; it’s so black and white. As I was reading the article a quote from my therapist came to my mind: “The only constant in life is change.” If things are ever-changing, including our SELVES, wouldn’t relationships and marriages be ever changing too? As it changes, either the marriage continues to work or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, I don’t see that as a failure, just another change. I have similar thoughts about life in general. We’re on this journey, learning and growing through all of our experiences—whether or not they can be deemed a “success” or a “failure”. I’d go so far as saying that the real “success” is in being present and engaged in whatever it is my life currently has in store, and being able to learn and grow from it... |
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