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Post by GeekGoddess on May 19, 2016 12:53:08 GMT -5
JMX - I'm glad to hear that you are seeing a lawyer even if the first reason is the IRS stuff. Do ask questions about the family law part of your concerns and see if this advice has the two linked together or not. I would imagine that you could have some sort of option to handle both things at one time - thereby splitting the IRS burden in 2 and leaving you only responsible for half of it (BUT - it's not my specialty - still I think it IS worth asking)
As a person who has not reproduced, I cringe at this part: The oldest just reiterated that procreation is the meaning of life (was hoping she didn't pay attention to the husband a couple of weeks ago when he said that shit).
WTH?!?! Where do people GET this crap? My life is valid and worth living and I do NOT have to have some baby that I don't love or want in order to validate me being here!!! (I know this was not your sentiment - but it just really irks me SO MUCH when I hear this "sort" of drivel)
And finally - please know that a lot of us are pulling for you. Sending good strong vibes out to the universe for you. Praying to my kick-ass higher power for your strength and resilience (and some pressure-relieving laughter once in a while).
Stay strong, sistah - you GOT this!
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Post by JMX on May 19, 2016 22:12:28 GMT -5
Some tips about the mail. Get your husband involved. Politely Enforce it on him. 1) ask him to bring it in every day. 2) organize it for him. Three piles, junk, bills, other. Label each pile with sticky notes, a list on each. 3) show him what is junk, what are bills, what is other. 4) sit down at the table with him ( no video games) and go over each piece, get him started. 5) give him some scissors, have him open each piece, throw away the useless parts, and show him what to save. Have him bring it to you when it's done. 6) do this every weekend. 7) you will be helping both of you. ( show the kids where the mail goes) So many responses, so little battery left. But GC!!! I loved your first response and I loved this because it is so funny. I cannot get him to do ANYTHING. If I ask for it, it is guaranteed not to happen. If I show him how, he would walk away after minute one. I will post a link here for you on how bad it actually gets. It's pretty sad but it does make me laugh just a smidge. Might take me a bit to find it on EP site. |
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Post by JMX on May 19, 2016 22:14:57 GMT -5
Boo. I cannot access anything from EP. At least not on my phone.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 6:02:30 GMT -5
I know laughing about it is a way to deal with it, I get it. But if he just walks away in a minute, there's a whole lot more going on. Since this is true, you are welcome to lay more of it out on the table. And hear from others, that 1) he has issues that go beyond repair. 2) he has to face these problems himself, or 3) you are being manipulated and it's time to kick some ---! those bills won't pay themselves when your no longer there. You don't need another child to take care of! |
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Post by samedeepwater on May 20, 2016 7:01:11 GMT -5
Kind of makes divorce look like the promised land, doesn't it? No wait. Before you hang up on me, let me explain. This is the "other stuff" we never talk enough about here. We talk about sex, wish for sex, sometimes flirt, sometimes suggest that each other should leave our marriages (I did, but God knows I lingered longer than I should), but then there is real life. And that's what we should talk more about. Bills, kids, laundry, pulled groin muscles, all that daily real life shit. As hard as the sexless marriage is, there is a whole 'nother hell waiting on the other side. That doesn't mean you won't get through it. It's just life and you deal with it, because you know in the end, there is also life after the sexless marriage. And that's what you need to keep in focus. You'll make it. You have all the good vibes I can send your way. And with apologies, I will amend the list that greatcoastal submitted. Take scissors, stab lazy bastard in the stomach. Just kidding. But I do wonder what's wrong with all the members of my species? Why do they refuse to see the gift that's right in front of them? |
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 9:56:51 GMT -5
Some tips about the mail. Get your husband involved. Politely Enforce it on him. 1) ask him to bring it in every day. 2) organize it for him. Three piles, junk, bills, other. Label each pile with sticky notes, a list on each. 3) show him what is junk, what are bills, what is other. 4) sit down at the table with him ( no video games) and go over each piece, get him started. 5) give him some scissors, have him open each piece, throw away the useless parts, and show him what to save. Have him bring it to you when it's done. 6) do this every weekend. 7) you will be helping both of you. ( show the kids where the mail goes) So many responses, so little battery left. But GC!!! I loved your first response and I loved this because it is so funny. I cannot get him to do ANYTHING. If I ask for it, it is guaranteed not to happen. If I show him how, he would walk away after minute one. I will post a link here for you on how bad it actually gets. It's pretty sad but it does make me laugh just a smidge. Might take me a bit to find it on EP site. I like his suggestion, but frankly, I think it is a waste of time. A man who will not find the energy to fuck a beautiful girl like you is not going to find the energy to do much else. I say get out as soon as you can. But I am not in a very compassionate mood today. |
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Post by petrushka on May 20, 2016 19:32:29 GMT -5
I'm digging out my experience of EP here. We had quite a number of soon-to-be-ex spouses there who didn't just
refuse intimacy, but basically behaved like a pouting toddler and didn't do anything around the place, weren't fiscally
responsible, didn't take care of bills, didn't stop spending but kept running up debt by buying useless crap (my gun collection),
didn't do stuff around the house, didn't engage in talks with their partner.
Personally I tend to mentally label them "the whale on the couch" kind of spouses.
They refuse to grow up. They like to engage the kids from time to time to have fun and a game, then back to the couch.
In fact I have a close friend who has an ex-spouse like that. It's taken years and years, and he is still not free from entanglement
because he is her free meal ticket and so she's as obstructionist and entitled as can be, trying to get more and more money from
him, asking too much for the house so it won't be sold, so he's still connected ... still maintains he left her for another woman
even though he didn't hook up with anyone for about 9 months after he left ... (( b.t.w. I nearly dated that woman myself, I thank
my fate that he grabbed her from under my nose, as it were)).
I can only say one thing: get the fuck away from someone like that. Do it fast, and do it now. You may think that you're in a hole
that you need to work your way out of before you'll be ready to exit - but this kind of spouse will be very very busy digging the
hole deeper so you cannot see how to get out. They will entangle you in more debt. They will not contribute to anything: it's not
in "their best interest" to do so. And when you finally do leave, be prepared for all kind of completely lunatic schemes and
accusations being thrown at you, out of the blue.
Give this some thought .......
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Post by JMX on May 20, 2016 19:36:15 GMT -5
petrushka - thank you. And, I will and have given this some thought. I have a tax lawyer meeting on Monday - he is also a family lawyer (this makes me nervous so not sure I would use him for divorce). If I like him, I will use him for both, if not, I have a fourth lawyer I can meet with as I have watched him handle a friend's difficult situation and like his style.
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2016 17:55:04 GMT -5
Wiggling fingers at my phone vibing you.
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