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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 22, 2018 11:45:03 GMT -5
So, I was having an rather involved discussion with my wife last night, which is rare these days. We have been together for 23 years, married 19 of those, virtually sexless for probably that last 6 or 7 years and completely sexless for the past 16 months. She essentially admitted for the past 15+ years that she has not been emotionally connected to me. In the same conversation she also admitted that she still loves me very much. What?
How is that possible ladies? Can you actually love your spouse "very much", but have no emotional connection with them? Isn't love an emotion shared between two people? Is that something that sounds like it is fixable? I'm not even sure how to respond to that revelation but my gut is telling me that just ratcheted up the odds of separating a few notches.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 22, 2018 11:58:46 GMT -5
She may love you as a friend, brother or meal ticket. However, what's important for you is whether her behavior makes you feel loved by her, and it doesn't. Make your decision about whether to stay, leave, outsource based on that.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 22, 2018 12:17:50 GMT -5
I suspect she loves you like family but it's not romantic love. In my opinion and I spoke about this back on EP - there are two types of love: Family and friend love AND Romantic love.
Family and friend love is very unconditional and remains despite the circumstances of the relationship.
Romantic love is perishable and conditional. Just like a plant if it's not watered and cultivated, it will perish. In my opinion sex, intimacy, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and enjoying time together are all ways to cultivate romantic love.
I'm sure she loves you but not romantically.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 22, 2018 14:16:53 GMT -5
Here's an old quote from E.P. " They don't love you, they love having you around."
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 22, 2018 14:37:26 GMT -5
I suspect she loves you like family but it's not romantic love. In my opinion and I spoke about this back on EP - there are two types of love: Family and friend love AND Romantic love. Family and friend love is very unconditional and remains despite the circumstances of the relationship. Romantic love is perishable and conditional. Just like a plant if it's not watered and cultivated, it will perish. In my opinion sex, intimacy, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and enjoying time together are all ways to cultivate romantic love. I'm sure she loves you but not romantically. This. I love my H and he loves me. But we no longer have a romantic love. I do think what she said is possible. But I also think you’re fooling yourself if you think those burnt out embers will ever re-ignite.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 22, 2018 19:22:23 GMT -5
Plus one on what bballgirl said & the way she explained it. I love my Ex like a brother. I care about his health. I’m grateful for many things about our 25 years together (17 married, 3.5 celibate). But I was no longer IN LOVE and couldn’t continue the model of dysfunction which had become “his normal” - it was killing my spirit. I had to go. To borrow a phrase from Al-Anon, I tried my best to detach with love.
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