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Post by choosinghappy on May 29, 2018 12:50:07 GMT -5
I was reading another thread about getting along with your refuser spouse and feeling like friends instead of lovers. It got me thinking:
If you had never married your spouse do you think you two would still be friends?
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Post by choosinghappy on May 29, 2018 12:52:37 GMT -5
A big fat NO for me. We have nothing in common besides our son. We have no fun together. He never seems to want to do anything with me.
I realized at some point during this last year (when I started truly confronting the state of my SM) that if we weren’t married and just dating I would have broken up with him long ago. And if we were always just platonic friends we wouldn’t have been friends for long.
Pretty sobering.
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Post by alex24 on May 29, 2018 13:05:04 GMT -5
A big fat NO for me. We have nothing in common besides our son. We have no fun together. He never seems to want to do anything with me. I realized at some point during this last year (when I started truly confronting the state of my SM) that if we weren’t married and just dating I would have broken up with him long ago. And if we were always just platonic friends we wouldn’t have been friends for long. Pretty sobering.if u don’t mind dear can u mail me here talarrd29@gmail.com
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Post by choosinghappy on May 29, 2018 13:14:35 GMT -5
A big fat NO for me. We have nothing in common besides our son. We have no fun together. He never seems to want to do anything with me. I realized at some point during this last year (when I started truly confronting the state of my SM) that if we weren’t married and just dating I would have broken up with him long ago. And if we were always just platonic friends we wouldn’t have been friends for long. Pretty sobering.if u don’t mind dear can u mail me here talarrd29@gmail.com Dude. Read the rules in the welcome folder. You’re going to get kicked out for soliciting photos, sexting, etc. from all the women here. That’s not the point of this forum.
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Post by h on May 29, 2018 13:30:56 GMT -5
This is an interesting question. If I hadn't married my W, we would not be friends today. Many of our shared interests and activities developed over time during our marriage. Without the marriage, we would never have experienced each other's interests and thus wouldn't have gotten involved in them. Now, after nearly a decade of sharing these interests with each other, I could remain friends with her if we ended up in an amicable divorce situation. The marriage fostered the friendship.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2018 15:23:03 GMT -5
That is an interesting question. We met in College and developed a dating relationship first so it never grew out of a friendship-only. We have many similar interests and have a time of day where we sit on the patio and chat that is nice. Some of the demands that we put on each other wouldn't come from a friendship so it's hard to say if we would remain friends.
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Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2018 16:46:01 GMT -5
A big fat NO for me. We have nothing in common besides our son. We have no fun together. He never seems to want to do anything with me. I realized at some point during this last year (when I started truly confronting the state of my SM) that if we weren’t married and just dating I would have broken up with him long ago. And if we were always just platonic friends we wouldn’t have been friends for long. Pretty sobering.if u don’t mind dear can u mail me here talarrd29@gmail.com Fuck off Alex
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Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2018 16:49:00 GMT -5
I do have a lot in common with my spouse.
What's interesting is that at the end of my marriage your words were mine as well. My marriage was a shithole but this relationship is defined differently and I'm different.
After the divorce my H still called me once a week to talk about sports, news, movies, etc. heck one time he called while my lover was fucking me and I answered for the fun of it - that phone call was quick lol
Anyway my H and I maintained a friendship even while divorced. If nothing else it was good for the kids but it brought us back together too.
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Post by misssunnybunny on May 29, 2018 16:54:53 GMT -5
I honestly don't know. The lack of any feeling I have for him now (outside of hoping he won't be at an event where we have mutual friends) makes it tough to think about whether or not we'd be friends. I can be civil with him now, an dit is a bit heartbreaking to think of how much has changed from being so in love to now. Anyway, we may have been better friends, but I don't know if the friendship would have lasted
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Post by ironhamster on May 29, 2018 17:02:01 GMT -5
In my case, no. We enjoyed each other's company early on, or, at least we seemed to. She got hooked on idealism and judgement a long time ago, and not only do I fall short of her idea of the perfect man, but I don't give a shit that I fall short of her unreasonable expectations.
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 29, 2018 17:14:51 GMT -5
Inside my marriage I thought we were friends. Now, a little over 2 years out - it has not proven true that he is my friend nor am I really his friend. We are “once-related” and we are civil, polite, when I see him he usually asks about my aged parents, asks after their health. We both love his kids & the grandchildren. We aren’t really friends. I spend no time with him unless it’s unavoidable. We were amicable - enough - during the divorce but it hurt him, I know it did. And we’ve never “resprouted” a real friendship since. And- honestly I’m okay with that. From certain FB posts, I worry something “may be up” with his cancer or something. But if I really were friends, I could just ask him. As it stands, I’ve thought about asking his first wife. Because I’m really more friends with her than I am him. At this point.
I don’t wish him ill. But I probably won’t ask anybody. His health just isn’t my business anymore. We aren’t friends. I thought I wanted to be. But I’m ok with how things are.
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Post by workingonit on May 29, 2018 17:49:30 GMT -5
In my case we were never friends to begin with. We went from not knowing each other to dating. I don't think we would have ever been friends. Ironically my husband and I went to the same college and never knew each other. People always say to me wouldn't it have been great if I had met my husband in college and we started dating then. I always say no because we never would have gone out. We are very different.I would be friends with him if we divorce amicably.
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Post by flounder on May 29, 2018 18:09:53 GMT -5
Acquaintances. The first time I met my wife she was a real bitch. I don’t really like to use that term for a woman,but by god she was ! I ran into her again a couple of days later,and she offered an apology for her previous behavior. A week later,I was really into her. I had been engaged in a previous relationship only to be jilted 3 months before the wedding. Took me two years to even think about dating again. Thought I would be more cautious the second time around. Things were good for the first 6-7 years......
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Post by JMX on May 29, 2018 22:05:27 GMT -5
I like my husband (mostly) in that I find him interesting. I love quiet people and drawing them out - it’s actually a personality flaw of mine.
I like most people and I like figuring out what makes them tick. One-on-one, I am good at this.
I operate on the following premise: 85% of the population are good people on any given day. 10% are having a bad day - i.e. grandma died. 5% - batshit crazy and steer clear the MOMENT you recognize it.
This postulate - for me, a positive person - is pretty spot-on.
I would definitely be friends with my spouse. He’s normally the 85%. He has some 10% moments. He has never been the 5%.
But maybe that is my problem. I like people in general.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2018 22:35:22 GMT -5
Never. We have been friendly at times in the marriage but there is no way I would have become regular friends with her at any point.
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