nahmastay
Junior Member
Posts: 29 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by nahmastay on May 18, 2016 18:41:06 GMT -5
It's so confusing because we are intimate on other levels. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, soft caresses etc, I feel loved on many levels I'm just not physically fulfilled nor do I feel desired. I must be in sexual hell then. . no kissing, hugging, holding hands, soft caresses, sex...nothing. I don't want this from him now, but haven't had it in years. sigh!! :-( Hang in there!! |
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nahmastay
Junior Member
Posts: 29
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by nahmastay on May 18, 2016 18:43:08 GMT -5
It's so confusing because we are intimate on other levels. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, soft caresses etc, I feel loved on many levels I'm just not physically fulfilled nor do I feel desired. I must be in sexual hell then. . no kissing, hugging, holding hands, soft caresses, sex...nothing. I don't want this from him now, but haven't had it in years. sigh!! :-( Hang in there!! Thanks! I'm trying but I do feel close to th edge. |
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nahmastay
Junior Member
Posts: 29
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by nahmastay on May 18, 2016 18:52:31 GMT -5
@smartcat you nailed it. I vacillate between self blame and resentment as well. It is a cycle and I'm sure adds to his confusion too. Some days I'm okay and its business as usual puttering around in daily life then when I'm in the resentment stage I'm not approachable at all.
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nahmastay
Junior Member
Posts: 29
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by nahmastay on May 18, 2016 18:56:39 GMT -5
After more than 15 years of no sex at all, if she was to offer any sex now I would say no. It wouldn't feel right after all this time. I guess that makes me the refuser then huh? Wow! 15 YEARS with nothing!!! Ummmm that would make you a saint not a refuser. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 18, 2016 19:51:51 GMT -5
.............It simply hurts too much, emotionally and physically (the lack of touch just makes me ache). This. {{crying}} |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 23:03:05 GMT -5
Nahmastay, I am wondering about low testosterone. Would he get tested?
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Post by lwoetin on May 19, 2016 4:20:13 GMT -5
This is an interesting response to you. It has to be more than not thinking about it since he rejects your advances. He must actively dislike it. Is he overt in his refusal? When we do have sex he almost always remarks on how much he does enjoy it and says we should do it more regularly... ......There should be a law against low sex drive people pretending otherwise in order to keep their high sex drive partners happy and interested in the beginning of a relationship. He probably didn't know how low his drive was and will be in the future. When I met my wife she had high drive and she didn't know it will nose dive. What is important is how he is willing to meet your needs now. It's good you are both doing counseling to try to improve the situation. Whiskey while working in the middle of night...how is that possible? You should have my coffee and you give me the whiskey. I am not working. |
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nahmastay
Junior Member
Posts: 29
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by nahmastay on May 19, 2016 6:44:39 GMT -5
Whiskey while working in the middle of night...how is that possible? You should have my coffee and you give me the whiskey. I am not working. Thanks for the suggestion, I try to mix it up a little. Sometimes it's a whiskey kind of workday. Fortunately I have a home office and am self employed. I also frequently work in my Pajamas with coffee in hand too  |
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Post by LITW on May 19, 2016 12:51:15 GMT -5
Yes, feel like I am in sexual purgatory every day.
The kind of purgatory where your spouse talks like they want to have more sex, but never connects that talk with action. They tell you, and all their friends, that they desire you, and then act like you don't exist when you are home. When you ask for sex, they tell you that they "need time to mentally prepare" but don't do any kind of preparation. They say "I don't feel up to it tonight, lets do it tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes.
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Post by holdingontoit on May 23, 2016 10:35:25 GMT -5
I feel like I am in purgatory / hell all the time. So I rationalize that I must deserve it. I am now like RumRunner. No fire. I am now the refuser.
At least I am no longer where ggold is. When I was trying to have sex there as no affection or physical contact. Now that I refuse to have sex she is willing to provide affection, hold hands, etc. I find this easier to endure than the other.
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Post by cagedadventurer on May 24, 2016 12:18:07 GMT -5
Purgatory is a great analogy for SM. I am at work with limited time to write but I made a little progress today. Here I am at year 28 of this purgatory - ouch, hard to see that in writing.
Today I emptied my dresser drawers and moved clothes to the spare room/my office. I thought I'd report that though this seems so simple, I was anxious and somewhat short of breath as I was doing this. (She left at 7:30 for work).
Here I am healthy, stable, employed, balanced, even tempered but yet this was a big step as though preparing to leave purgatory is somehow wrong. This SM thing is certainly confusing on all fronts with the supernatural ability to emotionally cripple the best of us. She can be so nice as though everything is good while I am writhing in anguish after another day of rejection. Nope, 28 years does nothing to stop the pain of this unmet need.
That's all for now.
Thanks all for your posts here.
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Post by cagedadventurer on May 25, 2016 11:11:37 GMT -5
Thanks for being open about your "horniness" for lack of a better term.
I just did not realize that there are smart, capable women with my same desires and needs.
I'm greatly encouraged that hope is on the way
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