Post by theexplorer on May 8, 2018 16:31:03 GMT -5
I had a talk with an old man recently. I've known this guy for many years and have a great deal of respect for him. He is often a very wise man who has given me some excellent advice in the past. He was married for over 50 years, until his wife passed away a few years ago. As an outside observer, I think he had an unusually happy marriage. During our recent conversation, I asked him why the rate of divorce had climbed so much over the course of his lifetime. His reply really surprised me! In fact, he almost shocked me! I'm not sure what to think of his opinion. Hopefully someone here can offer additional perspectives.
In this old man's opinion, the reason the divorce rate has climbed so much is because people expect to much from their partner. He said that men frequently expect their wives to be their lover, a mother to their children, a best friend, companion and confidant. They also expect their wives to take care of their home, pay the bills, to run errands and go shopping and on top of all that to also have a full time career. He said that is just to much to reasonably expect from one woman! On the other hand, he said that women expect to much from their husbands. He said that husbands are expected to have a job with a large paycheck, to be a great father to their kids, to meet their wives emotional needs and to keep them happy. Their husbands are also expected to be the family handyman, to take care of the yard, to keep their marriage fresh and interesting, to be well liked and respected in their social circle and to be there for their wife anything something comes up. He was certain there are not enough hours in each day for a man to achieve all these goals.
After explaining his view of the core problem, this old man offered several solutions:
1. Couples need to have close friends outside the marriage. He said a man needs to have a close male friend in whom he can confide. For example, he can talk to his friend about problems at work. His male friend can go places and share interests in things his wife would never find enjoyment. This old man also said a wife needs to have a close female friend in who will understand her better than her husband could ever could understand her. She needs at least one close friend outside the marriage who she can talk to about her children and other things in which her husband had little interest.
2. This old man said many families need to reduce monthly financial expenses. He mentioned that most people today, in the USA at least, live in homes that are considerably larger than necessary. He said people often spend to much money to fill these large homes with stuff they do not need or use. In addition to excessive spending on homes, he said that many family's have to many vehicles or have vehicles that cost to much to own. Excessive credit card debt is another financial pitfall other couples fall into. He said reducing financial pressure would create happier homes. If couples work less and spend more time on recreational activities they enjoy they would be happier.
3. Use some of the money that is saved in step two, to pay someone else to do some of "chores" found in step one.
I'm not sure what to think of this old man's ideas. The financial part of his advice makes sense to me. The part about having a close friend outside the marriage to make the marriage better was a completely new idea. I had always thought one's husband or wife should be their best friend. Does anyone here have any thoughts on this?
In this old man's opinion, the reason the divorce rate has climbed so much is because people expect to much from their partner. He said that men frequently expect their wives to be their lover, a mother to their children, a best friend, companion and confidant. They also expect their wives to take care of their home, pay the bills, to run errands and go shopping and on top of all that to also have a full time career. He said that is just to much to reasonably expect from one woman! On the other hand, he said that women expect to much from their husbands. He said that husbands are expected to have a job with a large paycheck, to be a great father to their kids, to meet their wives emotional needs and to keep them happy. Their husbands are also expected to be the family handyman, to take care of the yard, to keep their marriage fresh and interesting, to be well liked and respected in their social circle and to be there for their wife anything something comes up. He was certain there are not enough hours in each day for a man to achieve all these goals.
After explaining his view of the core problem, this old man offered several solutions:
1. Couples need to have close friends outside the marriage. He said a man needs to have a close male friend in whom he can confide. For example, he can talk to his friend about problems at work. His male friend can go places and share interests in things his wife would never find enjoyment. This old man also said a wife needs to have a close female friend in who will understand her better than her husband could ever could understand her. She needs at least one close friend outside the marriage who she can talk to about her children and other things in which her husband had little interest.
2. This old man said many families need to reduce monthly financial expenses. He mentioned that most people today, in the USA at least, live in homes that are considerably larger than necessary. He said people often spend to much money to fill these large homes with stuff they do not need or use. In addition to excessive spending on homes, he said that many family's have to many vehicles or have vehicles that cost to much to own. Excessive credit card debt is another financial pitfall other couples fall into. He said reducing financial pressure would create happier homes. If couples work less and spend more time on recreational activities they enjoy they would be happier.
3. Use some of the money that is saved in step two, to pay someone else to do some of "chores" found in step one.
I'm not sure what to think of this old man's ideas. The financial part of his advice makes sense to me. The part about having a close friend outside the marriage to make the marriage better was a completely new idea. I had always thought one's husband or wife should be their best friend. Does anyone here have any thoughts on this?
