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Post by nyartgal on May 7, 2018 16:13:33 GMT -5
There a number of people here who feel very lonely, either in their marriage, or after leaving a SM. There are also people who fear loneliness and that keeps them from taking action.
My question is, what are ways to feel alone but less lonely? what about adopting a pet? Animals are a wonderful way of having companionship and uncomplicated love.
And if you're not a pet person (I'm not), what about plants or gardening? Not that they cuddle, but nurturing something feels great. Personally, I also talk to my plants!
I've gotten very involved with grassroots political activism in the US, and through that I've met literally hundreds of interesting people and made new friends. Is there an issue you care about? Join a group working on it. Nothing like making the world a better place to give life meaning.
Maybe if you're not one to join a group, or show up at a meeting, or play a sport. I'm an introvert too. But there are ways to be alone without feeling totally lonely. There are just some ideas. Anyone else have thoughts or things that have worked for you?
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Post by misssunnybunny on May 7, 2018 17:01:11 GMT -5
As much as I enjoy my solitude, I do get lonely. It is especially difficult if I have several evenings in a row of nothing; it can be difficult being alone too much. However, I do try to stay busy and have a good balance of being out and about, and home (I'm an introvert and I need alone time to recharge)
I have joined a meetup group, and we do fun activities on a regular basis. I have a great group of friends and we get together once a week. Right now, I am exploring going back to school to get different certifications, to try and make myself more marketable and open up new job possibilities. Now that it is nice, I can get outside more, take walks and work in the garden/yard.
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Post by h on May 7, 2018 20:30:20 GMT -5
I filled my time with tedious hobbies. They didn't really make me feel less lonely but they distracted me enough to not notice the loneliness as much. I'm not sure if that's the idea you were going for but it's how I coped for over 8 years. It's really more of a short term solution though. Eventually the feelings of loneliness can't be ignored or suppressed (and maybe they shouldn't be at all). By ignoring and suppressing my loneliness, I threw away years of my life that I'll never get back. Maybe if I had listened to the loneliness sooner, I would have done something before it got this far.
I've heard it said that the feeling of loneliness affects the same part of the brain as physical pain. The avoidance of pain is an evolutionary trait that promotes survival. If loneliness hurts that much, there must be a reason. Maybe loneliness is supposed to be a motivator for people to change their circumstances.
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littlelamb
Junior Member
I don't know.
Posts: 56
Age Range: 26-30
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Post by littlelamb on May 7, 2018 21:17:30 GMT -5
In the past I had adopted a pet to cope with the lack of affection in my marriage, it really did make me feel better temporarily... but it was more like just taking some Tylenol for a broken arm instead of having it cast up and set... We've moved since then and I couldn't afford the pet deposit here so my mom took my pet in...but my father didn't like that because my mom already had so many pets so they've already found a new home for the animals he deemed extra and my pet isn't there anymore... kinda sad but life goes on...
I stay in apartments upstairs so I don't have space for gardening...my father earlier this year was talking to me about making a garden at his house but I actually wouldn't be able to afford the daily drive and I feel that no one over there would tend to it when I can't and so it'd ultimately die after a couple months work in the boiling heat and be a waste of time.
My trust/anxiety issues have been preventing me from being social. It is something I've been trying to work on through therapy...many things have caused me to automatically believe I'm going to be rejected by anyone I attempt to befriend...and that if I'm in a group they don't want me there anyways. Thoughts I'm trying to work out but it's difficult as I truly believe it.
When loneliness is too painful I'll try to occupy my self into something usually some kind of show, craft, or DIY attempt...but this doesn't always keep me distracted enough to forget loneliness.
The only real way for me to cope is sleeping...but I'm aware this isn't a cure all and is only an in the moment fix for pain to go to sleep, but it works.
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Post by flounder on May 7, 2018 21:30:27 GMT -5
I work. A lot. I also like vegetable gardening. If I don’t take care of my plants,they will die. It’s nice to feel needed.
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 7, 2018 22:50:22 GMT -5
I work 2 part-time Jobs right now, take 2 evening classes, & spend much of my free time at AA locations. I’ve done yoga, pole dancing exercise class, gone on a 3-day silent retreat (with all strangers), attend a few family weddings that I never would have gone to when I was married, check out farmers market, the hippie crystal place (they have lunchtime yoga & Saturday morning discussion group - both good gatherings of unlike-minded people- a really diverse group gathers for each of those). I like to walk around my neighborhood too. And sometimes walk to the grocery rather than driving. I read a LOT. I pet the neighbor cats, since I don’t want my own right now. The loneliness comes & goes. It’s mostly okay much of the time. And that’s better than I was in the SM. So I remember to be grateful for that.
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Post by northstarmom on May 8, 2018 6:55:15 GMT -5
Little lamb,
Other possibilities:
Exercise. Walking raises endorphins and will lift your mood and is a healthful practice during pregnancy. Consider dog sitting. You’d get to enjoy the companionship of animals and also get exercise and money of your own. I don’t suggest cat sitting due to the cat feces-transmitted disease that could harm your child. Sit and read or surf the Net a library or coffee shop. It can be uplifting to be out and around people.
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Post by h on May 8, 2018 7:02:07 GMT -5
I work long hours too. I have a full time job for 10 months a year and a seasonal/summer job. One usually starts before the other ends so for about half the year, I have overlap where I won't have a day off. April-June and September-November I generally work 7 days a week between the two jobs. Sometimes I go to one after the other on the same day but not often. That doesn't leave much time for me to think about loneliness. Most of the summer months, I will be working 50-60 hours a week. Many more hours if my summer employer doesn't find some more workers to fill out applications.
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littlelamb
Junior Member
I don't know.
Posts: 56
Age Range: 26-30
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Post by littlelamb on May 8, 2018 7:20:59 GMT -5
Little lamb, Other possibilities: Exercise. Walking raises endorphins and will lift your mood and is a healthful practice during pregnancy. Consider dog sitting. You’d get to enjoy the companionship of animals and also get exercise and money of your own. I don’t suggest cat sitting due to the cat feces-transmitted disease that could harm your child. Sit and read or surf the Net a library or coffee shop. It can be uplifting to be out and around people. Thanks, that does sound healthy...I usually weight lift or run...I havn't been running over the past few months...which makes me feel so fat >< but I just struggle with weight issues not the overweight kind and I'm afraid of exercising too much and going to my OB appointment and having dropped a bit or not having gained what I was supposed to so I really havn't been doing much at all...I think I could afford to walk more... I don't think that would have much of an affect on my weight if I jut eat well that day...I kinda have been laying off most of the walking because my boobs and my basketball belly hurt my back so much when I'm just standing for more than 15mins or so ><... I really love dogs I just am worried about ...if I dog sit they would probably want me to walk the dogs too and I don't want to get yanked around >< I have zero balance right now... somebody could barely bump me and it's like I'm going to fall over and I don't know... >< I really love to read ...it's difficult for me to stay focused lately ...I'll get distracted and end up doing something else...granted everything I have I've read so they aren't as exciting...I should probably find something to get in to.
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Post by WindSister on May 8, 2018 7:45:14 GMT -5
For me it's simple: Nature.
I never feel alone in nature even if/when I am alone.
The moments I seriously felt the most connected are the five times I went on solo camping trips.
I see it in my clients, too. When I take them for a walk on a woodsy (non-city) trail, I see the anxiety just cease to exist for a bit..... it's amazing to me. The chitter-chatterers even get quiet.....
Get lost in the woods and find yourself.
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 8, 2018 9:24:24 GMT -5
Little lamb, Other possibilities: Exercise. Walking raises endorphins and will lift your mood and is a healthful practice during pregnancy. Consider dog sitting. You’d get to enjoy the companionship of animals and also get exercise and money of your own. I don’t suggest cat sitting due to the cat feces-transmitted disease that could harm your child. Sit and read or surf the Net a library or coffee shop. It can be uplifting to be out and around people. Thanks, that does sound healthy...I usually weight lift or run...I havn't been running over the past few months...which makes me feel so fat >< but I just struggle with weight issues not the overweight kind and I'm afraid of exercising too much and going to my OB appointment and having dropped a bit or not having gained what I was supposed to so I really havn't been doing much at all...I think I could afford to walk more... I don't think that would have much of an affect on my weight if I jut eat well that day...I kinda have been laying off most of the walking because my boobs and my basketball belly hurt my back so much when I'm just standing for more than 15mins or so ><... I really love dogs I just am worried about ...if I dog sit they would probably want me to walk the dogs too and I don't want to get yanked around >< I have zero balance right now... somebody could barely bump me and it's like I'm going to fall over and I don't know... >< I really love to read ...it's difficult for me to stay focused lately ...I'll get distracted and end up doing something else...granted everything I have I've read so they aren't as exciting...I should probably find something to get in to. You could check the library for new reads without paying for them. Not all dog sitting requires walks. Some people have yards & just want you to let them out to run on their own for a bit, a few times a day. Smaller dogs could also be your criteria so that walking doesn’t involve being yanked about. Consider maybe volunteering at a humane society - there, you may do care & feeding without having to be the walker?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2018 12:30:07 GMT -5
This may sound silly, and I haven't tried it, but the Amazon Alexa enabled devices have an artificial intelligence skill that supposedly let's you have a normal conversation with them. Just say "Alexa, let's chat."
It might help. Can't hurt!
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Post by theexplorer on May 10, 2018 11:52:38 GMT -5
On the subject of pets, I know a woman who has always disliked animals. Her live in boyfriend adopted a dog. Her boyfriend died, "his" dog is now her best friend!! She loves that dog!
Dogs demand a considerable amount of care. I've had a few dogs in the past, but can not have one with my current lifestyle. I currently have a cat. It doesn't mind being left alone all day.
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Post by deleted on May 25, 2018 5:49:14 GMT -5
The loneliness is what rips my heart out
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Loneliness
May 25, 2018 20:23:45 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by flounder on May 25, 2018 20:23:45 GMT -5
I currently have a cat. It doesn't mind being left alone all day. — theexplorer
Lucky cat.
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