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Post by elynne on Mar 27, 2018 15:03:41 GMT -5
Just came across this article in my research. www.livescience.com/21796-attachment-style-sex-satisfaction.htmlIt certainly seems pertinent to the SM scenario. I may be full in my “why” chasing phase, but I believe if I can pinpoint the problem then I can decide if it’s within my control to fix it, the likelihood of my spouse fixing it if it’s his issue. And perhaps understanding when it’s time to walk away. |
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Post by baza on Mar 27, 2018 17:19:46 GMT -5
It would be hypocritical for me to bag you for "why chasing" Sister elynne - given that I was a leading exponent of this practice myself back in the day and devoted a couple of decades to the passtime. All I'd suggest is that you run the clock on it. 'Some' why chasing is inevitable in our common situations, but it is unwise to make a career out of it like I did. All it got me was older. And a list as long as your arm of things that were NOT the why. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 27, 2018 19:16:54 GMT -5
Just came across this article in my research. www.livescience.com/21796-attachment-style-sex-satisfaction.htmlIt certainly seems pertinent to the SM scenario. I may be full in my “why” chasing phase, but I believe if I can pinpoint the problem then I can decide if it’s within my control to fix it, the likelihood of my spouse fixing it if it’s his issue. And perhaps understanding when it’s time to walk away. Good article. I’m interested in attachment theory & getting to do a term paper in it. Since it’s for Child Welfare class, your posts are tangential but still are of great personal interest to me. I’m amazed at how your posts, many of them, describe so exactly how my SM used to be. Like we were married to the same caricature. Eerie. Thank you for sharing your research! |
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Post by elynne on Mar 28, 2018 8:14:42 GMT -5
It would be hypocritical for me to bag you for "why chasing" Sister elynne - given that I was a leading exponent of this practice myself back in the day and devoted a couple of decades to the passtime. All I'd suggest is that you run the clock on it. 'Some' why chasing is inevitable in our common situations, but it is unwise to make a career out of it like I did. All it got me was older. And a list as long as your arm of things that were NOT the why. My plan for the time being is to do enough ‘why chasing’ to understand H better, to understand my role in the issues, to own my baggage and clean it up. Maybe this is enough to tip the scales on improving our relationship. If not, I’m still in a healthier and more ‘grown up’ place for the future. Maybe I’m fooling myself, but I believe if I can track the problems down to patterns that H established long before I showed up on the scene that it’ll be easier to accept that I can do nothing to change him. In fact, I suspect that if he could have the kids, the house, and the dog without a spouse that would suit him just fine. If having a spouse is a necessity for the lifestyle he feels compelled to lead, then perhaps I’m the least of all possible evils. I don’t think he particularly likes me. But then he doesn’t really like much of anyone. The people he enjoys and respects are few and far between. Even those folks he sees only once or twice a year. I’ve got a Master’s in Psychology - though I’ve never practiced. Some of the subject matter is fascinating in it’s own right. Helpful for self-discovery and insight. It can’t hurt in the stage where I’m trying to connect with my husband. And I’m really hoping it’ll prevent me from ending up in another relationship where there is no connection. |
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 28, 2018 16:45:00 GMT -5
“perhaps I’m the least of all possible evils. I don’t think he particularly likes me. But then he doesn’t really like much of anyone. The people he enjoys and respects are few and far between. Even those folks he sees only once or twice a year. “
Why remain married to someone whom you think doesn’t even like you? Why would you want to have sex with a man who doesn’t like you? Surely there are people who do like you and would enjoy being with you...,
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