Post by northstarmom on Mar 19, 2018 6:11:13 GMT -5
Glad that you aren’t rushing into marriage. Waiting a couple of years seems a reasonable way to ensure he’s right for you.
I still wonder at how you describe his looks and manner of dress. You seem to be apologizing or making excuses. Reminds me of how I wanted my college boyfriend to look like and dress like what my friends thought is fine. By comparison, when I met my post sm lover, I thought he was overweight and ordinary looking. Now — about 10 years later (5 years into being a couple) I think he is handsome. He is still overweight but I find his body delightful. I love taking and posting selfies with him.
The below puzzles me. If the sex dried up for non medical reasons yet your partner were interested in sex what would the point of staying together be? You’d just be roommates. Seems ending the relationship would be better than cheating. The only reason I can imagine he’d cheat under such circumstances is fear of being alone. That makes me wonder if he is with you now out of compatibility and love or fear of being single.
My lover and I have agreed that secretly cheating would be fine if one of us had a medical problem preventing sex. However, when he almost died due to a ruptured colon and then had months of ED, I wasn’t looking for a lover. I just wanted him to live regardless of whether we could have sex again.
We’ve never talked about cheating if one of us became a refuser. If that happened, there would be no reason for us to stay together. We stay for love not for a roommate.
“Another 'issue' not exactly a red flag, but an issue for sure, is that he would certainly find someone else to have sex with if the sex in our relationship dried up past the point of tolerability. He has done so in the past, as have I. He knows my red line on that is students, I would find that unforgivable, but that doesn't seem to be his thing. We have talked about how we'd feel if the sex ended in our relationship for medical reasons and how we'd handle that. We have even talked about at what point we'd have a chat about sex if it started to dry up for non-medical reasons (or at least reasons that didn't seem obviously medical.)”
I still wonder at how you describe his looks and manner of dress. You seem to be apologizing or making excuses. Reminds me of how I wanted my college boyfriend to look like and dress like what my friends thought is fine. By comparison, when I met my post sm lover, I thought he was overweight and ordinary looking. Now — about 10 years later (5 years into being a couple) I think he is handsome. He is still overweight but I find his body delightful. I love taking and posting selfies with him.
The below puzzles me. If the sex dried up for non medical reasons yet your partner were interested in sex what would the point of staying together be? You’d just be roommates. Seems ending the relationship would be better than cheating. The only reason I can imagine he’d cheat under such circumstances is fear of being alone. That makes me wonder if he is with you now out of compatibility and love or fear of being single.
My lover and I have agreed that secretly cheating would be fine if one of us had a medical problem preventing sex. However, when he almost died due to a ruptured colon and then had months of ED, I wasn’t looking for a lover. I just wanted him to live regardless of whether we could have sex again.
We’ve never talked about cheating if one of us became a refuser. If that happened, there would be no reason for us to stay together. We stay for love not for a roommate.
“Another 'issue' not exactly a red flag, but an issue for sure, is that he would certainly find someone else to have sex with if the sex in our relationship dried up past the point of tolerability. He has done so in the past, as have I. He knows my red line on that is students, I would find that unforgivable, but that doesn't seem to be his thing. We have talked about how we'd feel if the sex ended in our relationship for medical reasons and how we'd handle that. We have even talked about at what point we'd have a chat about sex if it started to dry up for non-medical reasons (or at least reasons that didn't seem obviously medical.)”
That just struck me for some reason. 
