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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 18:11:01 GMT -5
Every couple months we all rally together with the exes and oh's for a grandkid bday. Everytime (seriously, every time) Nana (my husband's ex) gives a load of Mickey and Minnie themed toys or clothes. And every time everyone laughs and says "Must be from Nana!" And everytime Nana says, "busted! If it's mickey or minnie you know it's from me!" Cue laughter all around. Everytime. Not even exaggerating. It just makes me do an invisible, internal eye roll. Everytime. I have been tempted to buy a mickey mouse something but I check my agenda before I act and yeah, doing that would just be a petty game on my part, so I won't. She needs to own that brand for some reason, go for it, but I will continue my internal, invisible eye roll. Sorry, not sorry. We meet again April 15. Guaranteed I hear it again there. Nana loves Mickey. Got it! Eta... I do get this is a little thing and if I were a better person it wouldn't phase me a bit. It's one of those things. Can't explain why it bugs me, I'm sure there's some mega deep lesson to learn from it,but I'm going to set that lesson on the back burner for now and help my hubby in the basement. Thanks for letting me get it out anyway.  |
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Post by nancyb on Mar 11, 2018 19:29:17 GMT -5
I have noticed quite often in your posts that you mention your spouse's ex with a level of pettiness that frankly surprises me in someone as erudite as yourself. Just my observation over the last months. Take it for what it's worth.
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 11, 2018 19:45:22 GMT -5
It really is a good thing that you are so self aware of your feelings and emotions in regards to Nana.
I get it, I really do! I have MIL issues that have to do with her overstepping boundaries since my son was born. When I divorced it was a two for one deal because I got rid of her too, not that she caused the divorce. However through the years I have learned how to deal with the MIL. As well my kids have gotten older and very independent so a lot of the ways she manipulated them for her own attention just doesn't work anymore because they are teenagers and teenagers are into their own things and themselves.
So give it time, eventually the time will come that the grandkids don't want Mickey and Minnie anymore and her Gig will be up. Hugs
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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 20:35:08 GMT -5
I have noticed quite often in your posts that you mention your spouse's ex with a level of pettiness that frankly surprises me in someone as erudite as yourself. Just my observation over the last months. Take it for what it's worth. Just keeping it real. I know I'm not the only one with real thoughts. She's let a few petty things out herself, she's not some perfect being. Digging in for the long haul.... every few months till death do us part. All part of the. divorce/remarriage package. |
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Post by baza on Mar 11, 2018 20:36:03 GMT -5
Whereas I doubt that "the ex" is running an agenda of sniping at you, she is probably not averse to taking a cheap shot at you opportunistically, most likely behind your back.
Just as you are not averse to give her a bit of a bagging within these pages.
What's the harm - from either of your points of view ?
You are never going to be close.
She's got a history in the family dynamic and that history assumes less current relevance with the passing of every day.
You've got a developing history within the family dynamic that assumes more relevance with the passing of every day.
Time is your friend here.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 20:40:52 GMT -5
It really is a good thing that you are so self aware of your feelings and emotions in regards to Nana. I get it, I really do! I have MIL issues that have to do with her overstepping boundaries since my son was born. When I divorced it was a two for one deal because I got rid of her too, not that she caused the divorce. However through the years I have learned how to deal with the MIL. As well my kids have gotten older and very independent so a lot of the ways she manipulated them for her own attention just doesn't work anymore because they are teenagers and teenagers are into their own things and themselves. So give it time, eventually the time will come that the grandkids don't want Mickey and Minnie anymore and her Gig will be up. Hugs Thanks bballgirl. I immensely appreciate it. I guess I never wanted to be this involved with his ex. But I love the kids, so it has to be. It gets better, easier, but I will always have an eyeroll in my head. Not JUST because she's my husband ex, either, but, just because. We are oil and water. Off to enjoy four weeks till the next shindig! lol |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 20:42:11 GMT -5
Whereas I doubt that "the ex" is running an agenda of sniping at you, she is probably not averse to taking a cheap shot at you opportunistically, most likely behind your back. Just as you are not averse to give her a bit of a bagging within these pages. What's the harm - from either of your points of view ? You are never going to be close. She's got a history in the family dynamic and that history assumes less current relevance with the passing of every day. You've got a developing history within the family dynamic that assumes more relevance with the passing of every day. Time is your friend here. Thanks. And, I love time.  |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 11, 2018 20:53:39 GMT -5
It really is a good thing that you are so self aware of your feelings and emotions in regards to Nana. I get it, I really do! I have MIL issues that have to do with her overstepping boundaries since my son was born. When I divorced it was a two for one deal because I got rid of her too, not that she caused the divorce. However through the years I have learned how to deal with the MIL. As well my kids have gotten older and very independent so a lot of the ways she manipulated them for her own attention just doesn't work anymore because they are teenagers and teenagers are into their own things and themselves. So give it time, eventually the time will come that the grandkids don't want Mickey and Minnie anymore and her Gig will be up. Hugs Thanks bballgirl. I immensely appreciate it. I guess I never wanted to be this involved with his ex. But I love the kids, so it has to be. It gets better, easier, but I will always have an eyeroll in my head. Not JUST because she's my husband ex, either, but, just because. We are oil and water. Off to enjoy four weeks till the next shindig! lol See that's my problem- I haven't learned the invisible eye roll. Lol How old are the grandkids? |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 21:09:24 GMT -5
Thanks bballgirl. I immensely appreciate it. I guess I never wanted to be this involved with his ex. But I love the kids, so it has to be. It gets better, easier, but I will always have an eyeroll in my head. Not JUST because she's my husband ex, either, but, just because. We are oil and water. Off to enjoy four weeks till the next shindig! lol See that's my problem- I haven't learned the invisible eye roll. Lol How old are the grandkids? Lol. You smile. But in your mind it's an eye roll. Like Baza said, she probably has them for me too. We are supposed to rise above. Be adults. Everyone around us pats us on the back because everyone is so cool for the kids. (Grandkids) but I am telling you..... it can get awkward. Today it was just us and her and her man for 30 minutes while we waited for the kids who were running late. I'm not huge into small talk anyway, so half hour small talk with my husband's ex wife? Shoot me now! lol My H had a scruffy beard, her man asked if he was growing it out? She scrunched her face and shook her head, "no, don't do that!" Me in my head --> "Um, exwife? Shush... his face is not your concern." Things like that. Grandkids: 5 months 1 year 3 years 7 years Adore them all. They genuinely like all of us. Kids are the best. |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 11, 2018 21:34:02 GMT -5
See that's my problem- I haven't learned the invisible eye roll. Lol How old are the grandkids? Lol. You smile. But in your mind it's an eye roll. Like Baza said, she probably has them for me too. We are supposed to rise above. Be adults. Everyone around us pats us on the back because everyone is so cool for the kids. (Grandkids) but I am telling you..... it can get awkward. Today it was just us and her and her man for 30 minutes while we waited for the kids who were running late. I'm not huge into small talk anyway, so half hour small talk with my husband's ex wife? Shoot me now! lol My H had a scruffy beard, her man asked if he was growing it out? She scrunched her face and shook her head, "no, don't do that!" Me in my head --> "Um, exwife? Shush... his face is not your concern." Things like that. Grandkids: 5 months 1 year 3 years 7 years Adore them all. They genuinely like all of us. Kids are the best. Those are great ages and they are all so young so yes the kids love you all!! I'm the type that will fight fire with fire a little bit, it must be the Leo in me. So I would come up with my own tradition to rub in her face. I know it's wrong and it's petty but sometimes I have to push back a little when someone gets under my skin and honestly through all the years it has only been my MIL. I actually am very likeable, rational, and good natured. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 21:56:55 GMT -5
Lol. You smile. But in your mind it's an eye roll. Like Baza said, she probably has them for me too. We are supposed to rise above. Be adults. Everyone around us pats us on the back because everyone is so cool for the kids. (Grandkids) but I am telling you..... it can get awkward. Today it was just us and her and her man for 30 minutes while we waited for the kids who were running late. I'm not huge into small talk anyway, so half hour small talk with my husband's ex wife? Shoot me now! lol My H had a scruffy beard, her man asked if he was growing it out? She scrunched her face and shook her head, "no, don't do that!" Me in my head --> "Um, exwife? Shush... his face is not your concern." Things like that. Grandkids: 5 months 1 year 3 years 7 years Adore them all. They genuinely like all of us. Kids are the best. Those are great ages and they are all so young so yes the kids love you all!! I'm the type that will fight fire with fire a little bit, it must be the Leo in me. So I would come up with my own tradition to rub in her face. I know it's wrong and it's petty but sometimes I have to push back a little when someone gets under my skin and honestly through all the years it has only been my MIL. I actually am very likeable, rational, and good natured. Ah. You are human. I adore humans. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 12, 2018 7:46:27 GMT -5
See? How's this for maturity? I am not a cartoon character loving woman at all, yet I am sipping from a Mickey cup that the H brought along with him. No doubt from the ex splitting a collection. The kids always reach for these glasses when they come stay so I've fought the urge to toss them. They don't represent "us" that's for sure . They are from another time he was with another woman and I use them. Actually , the more I use them, the less significance they hold in my mind so I keep reaching for them. Making them my own, perhaps. Do I think my husband gets the Warm Fuzzies "Remembering When" when he uses them? I feared so once, but now I know he doesn't . He's a simple man into the here and now. Again, call this petty, but when you couple up with someone post divorce, this is some of the stuff that comes up. I know I'm not the only one who has such thoughts, but I may be the only one who will openly admit it. The reason step moms are often branded evil is they act out from such thoughts. I don't, but sometimes the thoughts are still there. It is not evilness, just insecurities (obviously). But , yes, time is a wonderful friend.  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 12, 2018 10:29:48 GMT -5
You're not alone in these things! One of my next "bridges to cross' will be dividing the furniture.
As petty as it sounds ,I 've been warned of the crazy fights that can break out over some pretty trivial things.
And yet, I still think about it, too much!
I've been advised to take all of it, use it or sell it. I've been told to start moving things...NOW! meanwhile I look around and look forward to leaving so much junk behind, and having a NEW beginning! For example: we have so many computer desks, home school desks, entertainment centers, china cabinets,coaches and recliners, that I will have little room ,or need for ever again!
There's going to be sentimental things that I am not going to be that interested in. So tell me, how often does your H pull out old photo albums from 15 yrs. ago and show them to you? Or does he look at them at all?
Others tell me, "just ditch that 20 yr. old stuff. You can get used furniture at a yard sale or a thrift store, or for free that is newer, cleaner and in better shape. You don't have to do it all at once, either. You'll get by! (that's more of what I am looking forward to, leaving a lot of it behind (like my SM!)
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 12, 2018 10:41:14 GMT -5
Every couple months we all rally together with the exes and oh's for a grandkid bday. Everytime (seriously, every time) Nana (my husband's ex) gives a load of Mickey and Minnie themed toys or clothes. And every time everyone laughs and says "Must be from Nana!" And everytime Nana says, "busted! If it's mickey or minnie you know it's from me!" Cue laughter all around. Everytime. Not even exaggerating. It just makes me do an invisible, internal eye roll. Everytime. I have been tempted to buy a mickey mouse something but I check my agenda before I act and yeah, doing that would just be a petty game on my part, so I won't. She needs to own that brand for some reason, go for it, but I will continue my internal, invisible eye roll. Sorry, not sorry. We meet again April 15. Guaranteed I hear it again there. Nana loves Mickey. Got it! Eta... I do get this is a little thing and if I were a better person it wouldn't phase me a bit. It's one of those things. Can't explain why it bugs me, I'm sure there's some mega deep lesson to learn from it,but I'm going to set that lesson on the back burner for now and help my hubby in the basement. Thanks for letting me get it out anyway. Here's an example for you when it comes to gifts and control. My 17 yr. old son Was asked by his mom "when and where do you want to go for dinner?" The truth.... He doesn't want to be with her! He knows it's all for show and all for her. However he came to me, the day after his Bday, and asks ' Can you do me a favor? Can you get the tags on my plates renewed for me today? I got a warning ticket yesterday? DONE!! He's set to go for two more years! Which GIFT do you think is going to mean more to him? Who did a more selfless act? ( it hurts my wallet for now ) Who set a better example? If I ask him a day from now to join me for dinner, who do you think he would rather be with? It's the same with those mickey mouse gifts. Who are they really for? The one giving them or the one receiving them? Think of how much that plays right into our SM discussions and love languages. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 12, 2018 11:15:50 GMT -5
There's going to be sentimental things that I am not going to be that interested in. So tell me, how often does your H pull out old photo albums from 15 yrs. ago and show them to you? Or does he look at them at all? About a month into serious dating with him, he did go through them with me. Not gonna lie, it wasn't my favorite moment. I showed him mine, too. I do have a past as well, I have wedding photos from long ago stuffed in a shelf, too, but my past stays there more than his because of the kids. (lack of kids on my part). While it was hard to see this man I love with his arms around this "other woman," I did note that they didn't look all super happy - maybe that was my need to project, but they didn't even kiss on their wedding day, so... there's that. It was an "oops, we must get married" wedding. Most of the pictures they were miles away from each other. Or his arm was around her and her face was kinda like stone. He didn't seem to have that twinkle in his eye. But those books (both his and mine) are now way up high in a closet and we haven't taken them down since putting them up there 3 years ago. |
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